Finding You

Chapter 16

I drop the keys to the apartment onto the coffee table of the living room and sigh, making my way to the kitchen. I open the fridge and check for anything quick and easy to eat, but the only things I can find are raw vegetables and things that need to be prepared for a specific meal. When was the last time I had gone grocery shopping? I close my eyes and tilt my head back, slamming the fridge door closed. Can nothing in my fucking life go right? For once at least?

I wish I didn't have this constant cloud of doubt hanging over my head. I wish I didn't have Justin's presence everywhere I go, reminding me of what I had lost when I lost him and weighing down on me everytime I begin to stop thinking about him for a little while. I lost myself in the process of losing him and it takes a toll on me every time I let myself try and be happy. That's fucking sad.

The problem with my life is that, even by wishing, it can't change me. This is who I am. I have to accept that this is all I'm here for. Love is just not in the cards for me. It was clearly never in the cards for me from the beginning already.

This is what I need. At least now, I can focus on my dance and nothing else. No more distractions. No more fawning over James and your stupid attractions. In 3 weeks, I'll be up on stage, fighting to earn a spot in one of the elite dance companies that will be there. Head in the game, eye on the prize Ally.

James told me about some Escape Room thing that he had planned for a group of 6 tomorrow night in Brooklyn while we were walking earlier. He even told me to invite Liv along so that it would make our group of 6 full, which I'm more than happy about. Liv hasn't been going out much at all lately. She spends her days either studying, attending lectures or watching Netflix. I'm beginning to think that if I don't drag her out of this apartment that she'll never leave it willingly. This would be the perfect opportunity because now that they depend on her for the 6th spot, she won't be able to back out of it. We love peer pressure.

Feeling brave, I decide to google a chicken pot pie recipe for Liv and I to have for dinner. I'm not a great chef, but Liv is worse, so it's either I make dinner, we order in or Liv makes us some scrumptious burnt toast with peanut butter.

While I'm preparing the chicken pot pie, I hear a pair of footsteps trot down the staircase and a few seconds later, Liv pops into the kitchen and steals a carrot that I just finished dicing. I slap her hand away but she's already popped it into her mouth.

"Do it again. I dare you," I hold the knife up, pointing it towards her and she holds her hands up in surrender.

"Got it," She walks around the island where I'm preparing the food and grabs a water bottle out of the fridge, draining almost half of the bottle in under 10 seconds.

"Whatcha making?"

"Pot pie," I say, moving the carrots out of the way and positioning the celery into a bunch before dicing them.

"You? You cook that kind of shit? Since when?" Liv laughs.

"Shut up. I'm in the mood for it. Besides, I don't think you can talk shit. It's not as if you can cook either," I roll my eyes.

"True." Liv stays quiet for a few seconds and I look up and watch her take another swing of her water. "So, how did the date with the babe go?" Liv shoots me an amused smile.

I groan and look back down at the vegetables, making an effort to cut my celery with a bit more force this time. "It wasn't a date. And he's not my babe."

"What happened? It clearly got you in a bad mood," she finishes off the last of her water bottle and throws it into the sink.

"That doesn't go there," I don't look up from cutting the vegetables.