Finding You

Chapter 22

"An hour. That's all I'm asking for."

Bella's voice blares through my phone and I have to move it away so that my ears can adjust to the sudden volume.

"Remind me why you had to phone me at the crack of dawn for something as trivial as lunch?" I ask when I put the phone back on my ear.

Okay. It's not the break of dawn; it's almost 9. But, given the circumstances of how my night went last nights, this would probably translate to about 6 in the morning in context.

"Well, if you had plans this this afternoon, me calling earlier would've given you time to cancel them."

I sigh, rubbing my temples with my fingers.

"Okay. I have dance in an hour, so I'll see you after. Are Angie and John coming?" I ask.

"Nah. They have some business to attend to over here."

Of course they do, I think to myself. Why would they ever just come for the sake of seeing me?

"Okay. You're staying at The Ritz-Carlton, right?" Bella agrees. "I'll pick you up from your hotel and we can decide where to go from there."

"Sounds good. See you soon."

I hang up, resting my phone on the nightstand and sigh as I forcefully wake myself up completely.

The memories of the previous night come flooding back like a tidal wave and my cheeks flush at the thoughts. Everything; from my performance, to my parents, to James.

James. A shiver runs up my spine. I wonder whether it will be different between us now. I know that something had shifted between us yesterday, or this morning rather. James allowed himself to show me a different side of himself; a more vulnerable side. The side that he seems to wish to keep locked away, and it meant more to me than he would ever know that he felt comfortable enough to share it with me.

He told me about his father. He opened up to me and he cried on my shoulder. He allowed me to comfort him until we were comforting each other. And in that moment, I had never wanted anything more than to wrap myself up in his arms and never let him go.

It was that precious.

But I couldn't help but wonder whether James would think the same of them when it came to the light of day.

...

In an attempt to substitute my lack of sleep, I order a double Espresso at the Starbucks near the dance studio before heading in for my contemporary lesson. The minute I step in, I can sense the familiarity of it. Standing in this store as I wait in the queue, my mind can't help but wander back to the day James and I first started talking in this very coffeehouse.

I find it crazy how much things have changed since that day. Meeting him then, I couldn't have anticipated how my feelings for this boy would grow. I could not have anticipated how much his presence would influence me.

If I had known then what I know now, I would've kept as far distance from him as possible. The thought of moving on from Justin used to make me sick, and now, although it pains me to say, I don't find him on my mind as much as he used to be. Whether it's dance keeping me occupied, or the thoughts of James Kennedy that consume the brain cells left to think about my ex-boyfriend, I find myself crying a little less, and smiling a little more.

Looking back at Justin and I's relationship is still painful to think about, however. I dedicated 5 years of my life to a man who couldn't even make it to my 21st birthday.

It sounds ridiculous, I know; but to us, it was comfortable and it was simple. We were the couple that were going to stay together until we were old and grey, with 4 kids and many grandchildren. We would travel the world together and be happy with each other for the rest of our lives.