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Problem LII | Amends & Impairments
Everything was okay.
I couldn’t help the sigh of relief that left me. I could see Kale with a relaxed face and Avery, her tears had dried off, even when they were of joy. I had been purposely avoiding Avery, whether or not her words were accurate, they had hurt and it was going to take sometime before the stinging pain numbed down.
Grace had sat with me the entire time, letting me lean my head on her shoulder, almost lulling me to sleep. It had been a long day and I could feel my eyes drooping already. But the night was still young.
I had not seen Houston yet. In some part of my mind I was still blaming myself even though I knew I couldn’t have stopped any of the events that had occured today. I didn’t need to justify my reasons to myself, because whatever it was, I couldn’t bring myself to face Houston.
So I sat in Justin’s room with Grace as my moral support. It had been hours in here, and Grace was restless. She had tried to convince me to go see Houston as much as she could, and then had gotten frustrated when I tuned her out. I smiled remembering her face, cursing like a sailor at me.
Justin hadn’t woken up once. I was at sixes and sevens about our situation. What was going to happen now? Justin had attempted to kill himself. How had I missed all the symptoms that would have led to this? I trace back my days and realize that I hadn’t even been home that much. Houston had almost designated the guest room at his house to me. I was flattered but now, it seems that I should’ve stayed home.
I suddenly had so much to talk out with Justin. I couldn’t see where he was coming from. I had lost a mother, he had lost the love of his life. Neither one of the tragedies out weighed the other, but for the last few days, I had started feeling to live of a mother, albeit that was hanging by a thread at the moment. I had left Justin to wallow in his misery. I had stopped keeping track of his appointment switch Andy and only realized when Andy had told me that he hadn’t had Justin come in for weeks now.
I had done to him exactly what my mother had done. I felt shame. I felt worry. And most of all, I felt loss. All these years and I wasn’t ready to lose Justin from my life. It had been a rocky and hurtful journey up until this day, but we had stuck together. I had stayed when Ethan had left.
I had even called him, letting him know of the events of the day, and I knew he had seen my texts. He just never bothered to reply. That’s how far my brother’s hatred went. He just didn’t care.
They always say that you don’t value the things until you lose them. I believe that might have been a little misworded. You just didn’t think you would lose them at all.
Just like people. We all know it is a fickle life, but how can we just lose someone at any time of the day, right? It doean’t seem believable. And if people do start to believe it, they might start living in fear of losing people all throughout. I bet that would not be healthy.
