What the Heart Wants (Larry AU)

Chapter 19

A/N: im sorry for being so pathetic and not uploading more often...im just so fucking stressed out and i have so much to do and i have 2 papers to write that are due tomorrow night and just ugh im sorry for not uploading in a really REALLY long time. i also apologize once again for the extermely tiny ridiculously pathetically horrible length of this chapter, which i seem to be doing quite often with this fic...which is seriously not good....my writing lately has not been my best :,(
But anyways, how have you guys been? havent talked to some of you in a while! i miss you all </3
wellll anyways, you guys know the deal.
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and dont hesitate to message me, even if it doesnt have to do with my fics, cus i absolutely LOVE talking to you guys.
alright. well. hope you like this chapter! ill try to maybe upload sooner, but no promises :,( so disappointed with myself...
i still love you all though :) <3 xxMonique 

Chapter 19

LOUIS POV

How could he be so stupid?

Why did he ruin EVERYTHING?

How could he do this to Harry? How could he LAUGH?

Louis was so afraid. He was more terrified than he ever had been in his life.

He didn't know what or why he did what he did. He had been scared, scared that this was some sort of sick joke, scared that Harry didn't mean it, scared that he'd fuck something up or do something wrong. Anything. And he had a knack for that. 

He was just so thankful that Harry had agreed to come back and speak with him. Eleanor was beyond confused of course, but he had promised her countless times that he would explain later, and she had backed off. She had planned on going out to go shopping with Danielle that day, and she had just been picked up five minutes ago, leaving Louis in the house alone to wait for Harry.

He was so nervous.

What was he even going to say? He didn't even know. He had to figure something out.

He collapsed on the couch, burying his head in his hands. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. He didn't have much time. What should he say? Well, he should definitely start off by apologizing....but then what? Does he tell him he has feelings for him? What would he do about Eleanor? Should he just apologize and leave and never talk to either of them again?

No. No, he couldn't do that. 

He leaned back and shut his eyes, trying to relax. 'Breathe, Louis, just breathe,' he was thinking to himself when he heard the doorknob click. 

His eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly. His eyes were met with the sight of Harry, his back turned, shutting the door behind him. He slowly turned around afterwards, and looked Louis straight in the eye.

Louis gasped quietly.

So much pain. So much sadness...Those eyes radiated a thousand feelings, all mixed up. They were red, puffy, and droopy, they were full of anger, exhaustion, hatred, and pure devastation. 

Had HE done that to Harry? Was he the cause of that? The cause of all that pain?

He couldn't stop the sob from finding its way up his throat. It melted into another, until he was just crying into his hands on the couch, in front of Harry. He was pouring everything out, his sobs letting out all the anger and frustration with himself and everything he had done, breathing heavily. He felt someone sit down lightly on the couch next to him, and looked up from his hands to see Harry, eyes full of tears and pain, looking at him with some emotion he couldn't describe. He gently put his hand on Louis' shuddering back and lightly rubbed circles into it, and Louis leaned into the touch until he was literally leaning on Harry's chest with Harry's strong, safe arms around him.

He wanted to stay like that forever.

He slowly sat up, wiping away a few stray tears and getting himself ready to speak. He took a deep breath. "Harry," he began.

Harry tilted his chin up and down slowly in a tiny nod, and waited for Louis to continue. 

"I am so so so SO sorry. I don't have the words to explain how sorry I am, I don't know, I just...I can't....I don't know, Harry, I'm so scared. I'm so afraid."

Harry said nothing, and just stared at Louis.

"I don't know what to do, Harry." he whispered.

"Neither do I." Harry whispered back.

They sat there in silence for a few moments, both staring at the ground, unsure of what to say or what to do. Louis was trying to pull his thoughts together and explain things to Harry. He decided that Harry should know the truth, he just wanted to clear up this whole mess. Before he could open his mouth to speak, however, he heard Harry take a deep breath. "Louis...about what I said earlier....I didn't mean just as friends..."

Louis gulped back his fear and excitement.

So it was true then. His suspicions were correct...

"I know," Louis murmered. 

Harry turned beet red and stared at the ground once more.

"And I think this will be even more of a problem in a second, Harry, because of what I'm going to say..."

Harry's head jolted up, his green eyes focused intensely on Louis' face, waiting for him to speak.

"Because I...Harry, I like you too."