A Court of Fire and Ash

Feyre

I had just seen Celaena getting stabbed by two of Cassians daggers and still beating him.
Beating him.

This not only made me think of who she had already beaten but who else she could beat out of us.

Could she beat Mor?
Amren?

The worst thing was that she didn't even deal with her pain properly.
What had this world done to her that she could just ignore it like that.
What had she already suffered from?

No wonder the king of her world had wanted her to be his assassin.

While she walked over to us her blood continued dripping on the floor.
„If any of you can heal somebody it would be nice if you could heal my leg. Oh and my back."

Something had to be seriously wrong with her. Her wounds had to hurt and here she was treating it like it was only a scratch.

I stared at her my face filled with shock.
But then I realized that no one was moving to help her. And even though she didn't show the pain her body couldn't take that much blood loss any longer.

„I can heal you. You'll just have to take your shirt off."
Her back seemed more urgent but I couldn't reach it without her taking her shirt off.
„Right now?"
„I fear there is no time to waste so yes right now."

Rhys,how is she so calm?
I don't know Feyre. What worries me more is her beating Cassian.

Cassian had left the ring and now stood next to me.
I could not see any emotion on his face but I knew that he was embarrassed.
He was sure he could beat her.
Everyone was.

If only the illyrian warriors, who underestimated women and treated them like they were worth less could have seen her fighting.

As she turned around I could see that the back of her shirt was drenched in blood.
But as she lifted her shirt I saw way worse.

Her back.
By the cauldron.
It was covered with scars.
There wasn't any free undamaged skin.
But the biggest scars were covered with tattoos.
I didn't understand what they said but it was nearly beautiful.
A beautiful destruction.

Oh my God, Rhys. What has been done to her?
But he didn't answer me.

Suddenly rage filled every cell of me.
How could someone have done such horrible things.
It wasn't hard to tell that she got whipped.
And the scars they weren't new.
This had to be done to her when she had been much younger.
I wanted to hunt down the men, who did this.
I wanted to find them and do the same thing to them.

She didn't say anything but I couldn't ask her about her back.
She had to feel free to talk to us.
She had to feel safe and she had to trust us.

This had to affect Mor the most.
She hadn't got whipped but she had been abandoned and tortured.
As I looked to her I could see tears in her eyes and her hand covering her mouth.

Azriel didn't show much of a reaction but I knew how this affected him. He had been locked up and the scars on his hands only showed half of the horror he went through.

As I went to Celaena I channeled my healing powers concentrating on her wound.
It was deep but I could heal it.
I knelt beside her as I healed it stitching together layer for layer.

I couldn't tell how long no one had said a word until Celaena started talking.

„It was 4 years ago. I had fallen in love with an assassin, who had been training with me for years. We owed our master money but I could pay it back. So we left his circle and moved together. But the king of assassins had other plans. When I wasn't with him he caught Sam and he ordered having him tortured and killed. He made it look like it was a man I knew and as I went to kill him for revenge he betrayed me and got me arrested. I was sent to Endovier. It were salt mines, in which slaves had to work. But it was more like a death camp. No one survived this, except for me. On the first evening there they whipped me and they wouldn't let my wounds heal. They put the salt I had collected in them so I would have to feel the pain everyday. I was there for one year until the crownprince got me out to become his father's assassin."

4 years ago?
She must've been no older than 16.
I didn't know what to do.
There were no words that could express what I felt.
No words that would make it better.
I'm sorry, just didn't seem right.
It didn't seem enough.

„What happened to the people that did this to you?"
She didn't turn around but I knew her face was filled with pain.
„I killed them. When I tried to escape."
„That's good."

After this no one talked again.
We all had to cope with what we've just heard.

As soon as I was ready with her back I turned to her leg.
When I bowed down I felt this dizziness in my head.

Feyre, are you alright?
Yeah, it's just the healing it makes me weak. But it's alright. I can do this it isn't that bad.
Are you sure?
Yes, don't worry about me.

„You should be all patched up now. Is there anything you need before we visit the highlord-meeting?"
She slipped her shirt back on and looked at me with confusion in her eyes.
I realized we haven't even told her yet.

„Oh, I figured Rhys had already told you. There is a meeting of all the Highlords of the courts every two months. After war was over we had to discuss what to do with the human population but we're still stuck on this topic. We can't get anything done without an agreement. But since the most powerful leaders of this world are there we thought maybe some of them know something about your world or how to sent you back there."

I didn't look forward to this meeting.
Actually I haven't looked forward to any meeting.
He was always there.
Watching me.
And I couldn't ignore him.
Couldn't ignore our past and what he had done.
Especially this time things were worse.
The highlords didn't know about my pregnancy.
The last time I wasn't at the meeting and the time before no one could see any change of my body.
But now there wasn't any chance to hide it.
And he would see it.
„Okay. Thanks for bringing me there."

After this my court started leaving the room and I waited for everyone to get out.
I wanted to make Celaena feel safe.
She had shared a vulnerable part of herself and I couldn't just ignore this.
„Celaena. I just wanted to let you know that you can trust us. If you ever feel like you need some help I'm here. You can talk to me alright?"
„Yes, thank you."
And then she left the room.