Riding With My Seatbelt

Chapter 15

Paisley

 

I turned on the shower and let the steaming hot water drip all over me. The steam from the water made it hard to see out of the glass doors. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to see anyone. The water collided with my tears and my muffled cries seemed to be heard everywhere. My bathroom was connected to my room, so I knew no one would hear me. Crying had been an everyday thing for me. I’ve been snacking all week and I haven’t had a meal. I haven’t been to school in about four days and today would make five.

 

I let the water seep through my curly hair and drip all down my face. I knew I looked terrible with tear-stained cheeks, red eyes, and a runny nose.

 

I haven’t been answering my phone and I knew Chanel would be worried. I decided that I would text her and have her come over. My parents don’t know about the breakup and I wasn’t ready to tell them the extent of what happened. I told them I had cramps and that’s why they let me stay home from school.

 

Tyerel hasn’t tried to contact me and frankly, I didn’t really want him to. Well, that’s what I wished I felt like. The truth was that I wanted him back. I wish I could of done something, anything, at that moment to keep him from breaking up with me. Everything still feels like a blur, I couldn’t believe he actually broke up with me.

 

After I finished, washing my hair and rubbing my body in my favorite body scrub, Paris, I stepped out and peered at myself in my mirror.

 

I didn’t like what I saw. I wiped my face full of tears and sniffled as the tears began to well up again.

 

I knew I shouldn’t be doing this, but this was the only way I could compensate for the pain that I was feeling.

 

I grabbed the bloody needle I had been using and dragged it along the smooth skin on my arm. Blood immediately poured out down my arm and hand. I knew this would leave a huge mark. I didn’t care. This pain couldn’t possibly be as much as the pain I was feeling inside.

 

I turned on the water from the sink and washed my arm off.The hot water stung a bit. I couldn’t let anyone see me like this, but I didn’t have the energy to use makeup or band-aids to cover the marks. I was just going to hide them some other way when Chanel came over.

 

Tears spilled from my eyes again and I couldn’t conceal my cries. I cried and cried and cried.

 

Tyerel filled me with a certain high that I couldn’t get from anyone else. He made me feel like I was on top of the world and now I felt like the complete opposite. No one cared about me. Not even my own damn parents have noticed how sad I had been.

 

I couldn’t believe how happy I used to be, and how useless I felt now. Tyerel took everything from me. He took it in a matter of seconds.

 

I wish Tye wouldn’t have broken up with me. I wish I still had him by my side. I feel like crap without him. I know I shouldn’t have to depend on him, but he was my happiness. He made me feel like everything when I was with him, and to know that I didn’t have that anymore made me feel terrible.

 

He’s probably out there fucking everything with a pulse, and what am I doing? I’m sitting here using needles to cut my beautiful skin, crying over him, and neglecting my family and friends.

 

I shouldn’t be the one crying, when I was always there for him. I gave him everything, because he was everything that I wanted. He seemed as if he actually cared for me.

 

He was obviously playing a game. He never loved me. He never cared about me. He just wanted sex. I was dumb. Why didn’t I realize that before I was the one that got hurt? Why was I the one sitting here sad?

 

I vowed to never, ever let another boy play me like that again. That’s exactly what Tye was, a boy.

 

He didn’t know what he wanted and I will make him regret ever leaving me.

 

I pulled an over-sized T-shirt over my wet curly bun. I climbed into my bed that was filled with tissues. I closed my eyes and immediately starting to cry again.

 

All I could think about was him.

 

Him.

 

The person that I loved.

 

Him.

 

The person that I gave everything to.

 

Him.

 

The person that lied to me.

 

Him.

 

The person that I was going to learn to live without.

 

I used the back of my arm to wipe the tears that were streaming down my face. I couldn't continue to go on like this. I had to get over it. I had to learn my worth all over again.

----------------------------------

Sorry for any mistakes and the late update! You'll be getting another chapter this week. Just wanted you all to see how Paisley was doing.