all my heart || skz

009

I stare at the horizon line, where Jisung's motorcycle had disappeared only moments ago. 

What was I doing?

Nothing.      And that was the problem. 

Jisung was the only thing I had left that reminded me that I was human. He was the only thing left that tied me to Felix and now he's gone. 

And there's a chance I'll never see him again. 

"Y/N?" Changbin places a hand on my shoulder, almost delicately, as if I could break at any moment. 

But he wasn't wrong. 

I could feel something inside of be breaking, the cracks stretching deep with me. They reached my heart and my soul, the poison invading my thoughts. 

Was this really it?

"Y/N, are you okay?" Changbin's voice fills my ears, but I don't do anything. 

I can't. 

So I stare at the cloudy sky, wondering if there was even the smallest chance Jisung would change his mind. 

It wasn't fair. 

It wasn't fair to the past he left here in Genway and it definitely wasn't fair to me. 

He left me alone, just as he had before. Just as his brother had before. 

I found myself alone once again. Is it something I've done to make me deserve this? It seems like I ruin- no, kill every good thing that had happened in my life. It seems like, no matter where I go, the outcome is always the same. 

I always end up alone.

"What's happening? Is she okay?"

The poison rises up from the cracks in my mold, seeping into my lungs, and suddenly it's hard to breathe. 

"Y/N? Y/N!"

Why can't I breathe.

"Why the hell isn't she responding?"

The dark grey of the sky seemed to leak into my line of vision. I no longer saw color, only this darkness that had risen from somewhere within me. 

My life was nothing but a void. 

"Y/N, can you hear me?"

I feel a hand brush against my cheek. "Y/N?"

Suddenly the void wasn't so dark. 

There was another color invading my vision. 

A brown. A warm brown, with specks of blue. 

It was beautiful. 

"Yeah, there she is. Come back to me, Cupid."

Cupid. 

"What's happening? Is he okay?" 

A calloused thumb, running gently over my cheek. 

"She is in some sort of shock. She'll be okay, though it's probably best we get her inside. In her state, she might get sick from being in this whether, even if it's only 60."

"How do you know all that?"

"Well, I haven't spent one year trying to start up a medical career for nothing, now help me. We need to get her inside."

A doctor. 

Of course, he wants to be a doctor. 

Hyunjin has always liked to help people. He was kind like that. 

I remember I was like that, too, once. 

Before I lost Danny. Before I came to this ghost town. Before I met Felix and Jisung. 

Back then it was just me, Danny, Changbin, Hyunjin and Seungmin. 

Seungmin. 

 I can't remember how long it's been since I have seen the charming boys face. 

"God, I don't think I've ever carried someone as light as her. When was the last time she ate?"

"I can't remember. Maybe it's been a couple days, maybe more. She is just always in her room and some nights she sneaks out. It's hard to tell."

An arm wraps around my waist, it's strong hold making me feel safe. A hand gets a gentle hold on my legs, too big to be Changbin's. Not like I could think about it much, I was too distracted by the feeling of the ground slipping out from underneath me.

"Relax, Y/N. I got you, you're going to be okay." 

Was I?

No. I wasn't. 

But he had a way of making me feel like I was. 

"Should I make her some soup or something?" A creak of a door. 

"Yeah, it's probably best she eats something warm, it'll make her feel better." 

I want to say we were going up the stairs, but I couldn't tell. Hyunjin's hold on me never slipped, holding me close to his chest. His breathing was calm, no sign that carrying me was a hassle. 

"Hyunjin, I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"For not being able to take care of her. I'm supposed to be her big brother, the one who protects her from these type of things."

It was heartbreaking. 

He couldn't possibly believe any of this was his fault. 

If it weren't for him, I would probably be worse off.

"Changbin, she got herself into this mess, not you not whoever the other guy was. It was her, now our job is to help her get out of it."

Wow. 

When did my life become so pathetic? When did I become so pathetic?

When have I ever needed saving?

"It's a good thing I called you when I did, huh?"

"Why's that?"

"Because I would never be able to handle a situation like this by myself."

"Oh, please. You were always the strongest one out of all of us. There is nothing that Seo Changbin can't handle."

A long sigh from Changbin. "Well, people change."

 "Yeah, but I don't think people change that much."

I can picture Changbin's sad eyes as he thinks back to Kentwood, all of us sitting in the family room of our one story home.

Me being the only girl in a group of four. 

He'll recall all the late nights where we watched movies and played stupid games like hide'n'seek and truth or dare. 

Then, he'll think about how much everything has changed. And he'll be sad the rest of the day until night comes and he'll lay in bed, trying to hold back his tears while everyone around him sleeps. 

This is how it has always been with Changbin. 

"Which door is hers?" 

"The one at the very end. I'll start some soup." 

I can hear Hyunjin's socks shuffle across the wooden floor. 

The familiar creak of my bedroom door is followed by the loss of Hyunjin's warmth as he places me on my bed. 

Why can't I just wake up already?