all my heart || skz

015

I don't dream.

At least, I didn't used to.

I did that night, but when I woke up in the morning, all I could remember was the stars.

And the boy whose cheeks they kissed.

Then, I registered the sun streaming in through the blinds and the boy laying next to me, his midnight hair falling into his eyes. And suddenly I wasn't sure I had stopped dreaming.

I never realized how beautiful Hyunjin was.

He had long lashes that fluttered to the rhythm of whatever dream his mind had conjured up. There was one freckle below his left eye and I wanted so desperately to press my lips to it.

I wanted to know what his hand felt like in mine.

I've known Hyunjin my whole life, but I've never tried to go past our friendship. Now, I can't help, but ask myself; why?

Hyunjin was the boy next door. He read books and played lacrosse. He was both popular and not.

He was safe, but being with him made everything seem so much more exciting.

I hadn't even notice his dark eyes watching me.

"Hi." His voice was low with sleep. My heart skipped a beat. 

"Hello." I whispered.

He raised his hand to my cheek, stopping just before his fingers grazed my skin. "How do you feel?"

I meant to shrug, but I could only stare at him. "Okay." My eyes flickered to every part of his face, taking in every crook and freckle. I took in everything that he was.

"That's good." His hand fell onto the empty sheet between us. "Do you remember what happened?" I watched his lips as he spoke.

I shook my head.

I watched his mouth part and then close. An odd silence settled on us as I traced the outline of his lips with my eyes.

"I really wish you would stop looking at me like that." My eyes flickered up to his and I prayed he couldn't see my heart breaking in them.

I'm sure he could.

His eyes, on the other hand, showed nothing. It wasn't like the wall Jisung put up. It wasn't a wall, at all.

It was something else, entirely, and I was dying to figure out what it was.

"I'm sorry." I said sitting up and flinging my legs over the side of the bed.

"Y/N-"

"It's okay. I-I actually have to get ready for my appointment so, don't worry about it." I stand up and walk out of the room.

My hands shake as I open the fridge and pull out a bottle of water. Changbin walks into the kitchen a minute later, stopping once he sees me.

He doesn't sat anything, but I feel his strong hold wrap around me. I relax into his warmth.

"I'm glad you're okay."

And the guilt comes swarming to the front of my thoughts.

How many times an I going to put him through this?

"I'm sorry, Changbin." My voice is muffled by his shirt.

"No." He says and pulls away. "You don't have to apologize." He smooths down my hair and smiles, a sweet, sad smile.

I want to smile back, so badly. But I'm scared.

Not of him.

Not of Hyunjin.