all my heart || skz

001

I grab his pale, unmoving hand gently. "Hey, Felix. I know you can't hear me right now, but the doctors said that this may be the last real chance I have to say goodbye to you." I laugh sadly and stare at the boys face.

A single tear falls down my cheek. "I'm sorry. I should've tried harder. If I had gotten there sooner, maybe you would still be here with me." I let out a loud sob, a few more tears fall onto the blue blanket covering his body.

"As much as I hate myself, I hate you even more." I lean forward a brush his blonde hair out of his closed eyes. My hand rests gently on his cheek. "You promised you would always be there for me and then you weren't. And now, right after I finally got you back, you're leaving me. And this time, I won't be able to see you again."

"So, I came here to say good bye to you, the man that I thought I loved." More tears slide off my cheeks. "For the longest time, I hated this place. Mainly because it wasn't Seoul, it didn't hold all the memories that I held so close to my heart. Memories of Danny. But then I met you and you showed me all the places that gave this small town a story. A story about a couple who died too soon and their kid who died even sooner. A story about a boy with no home."

"Thank you, Lee Felix. For showing me not everything is what it seems. You taught me that I can turn an endless desert into a never ending ocean. You taught me how to care for someone more than I can bear. You were the first guy I could ever say I really loved." I smile sadly at chest, which was barely rising. I lean forward and place a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Goodbye, Felix." I peel my hand away from his and stand up, taking one last glance at the boy. His freckles were more noticeable now against his pale skin. I smiled lightly, remembering how I used to stare at them. I wipe the tears from my face and make my way out of the room.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T SEE HIM?! He's my son!" A lady yells in the nurses face at the front counter.

All the nurse can do is shake her head. "Ma'am, someone is already visiting him." I kind of felt bad for the lady, but then I realized who the woman wanted to visit.

"Mrs. Lee?" I call. As expected, the woman turned towards me, her eyebrows scrunched together.

"Do I know you?" She asks as I walk up to stand beside her. I can't help but notice the small wrinkles on either side of her mouth, which looks permanently stuck in a grimace, and how her eyes were as round as Felix's. She looked, oddly, youthful.

I shake my head and smile. "I'm a friend of your son, Felix." I hold out my hand. "My name is Seo Y/N." She hesitates for a minute before grabbing my hand and shaking it slowly.

"I don't think my son has ever mentioned you before..." She stares at our touching hands and thinks.

"I don't blame him. I'm the one that helped bandage his cuts and bruises." Her head snaps up.

"So, it was you." Her eyes narrow together, but I couldn't tell if it was out of anger or curiosity.

"Yes." I lick my chapped lips. "I'm finished you can go see him now." I say and try to walk past her, towards the elevator, but she grabs my arm and holds me in place beside her.

"Thank you," She whispers in my ear. "for taking care of him. I know, you probably don't think of me as the best role-model, but I try so hard to keep him safe." Her voice breaks, causing my heart to break with it. "Thank you for being there for him when I wasn't because I was too scared or too ashamed." By now tears were pouring out of her eyes.

I grab her hand and, as gently as possible, removed it from my arm. I look into her sad, brown eyes. "Someone had to." I give her a cold stare and continue on my way to the elevator.

Entering the large, metal machine, the faint sound of a beep can be heard. A tear falls down my cheek watching Mrs. Lee, along with five other doctors, run into the room Felix was resting in. As the elevator doors begin to close, I close my eyes, trying not to think of the boy. But he's all I see behind my eyelids.

The smile I will never see again.

The freckles that haunt my dreams.

The wide, curious eyes that are engraved in the back of my mind.

I want to forget.
Forget it all.