Boy of my dreams <<Mattia Polibio🦖

Part 34

Oh my god no.
I wake up harshly, my face white like a deathly pale.
No. Please tell me yesterday didn't happen.
I look to my right to find Lilly looking through her phone. She's already awake.

„Slept well?" She asks me still looking at her phone.

„Dude. I need to go to church today." My eyes are wide and flashbacks from yesterday cross my mind.

„What the fuck?" Lilly laughs and puts her phone away.

„Do you have a bible in your house?" I ask seriously and blush. Lilly fall into laughter even more. „I need answers."

„I'm such a bitch wow." I stare at the chair in front of me. I want to sink in this bed and I wish I never have to see him again.

„What happened? Did you dream something pervert?" She waves with her hand in front of me to take my attention and I finally turn around to face her.

„Dude, you have no idea what happened yesterday." I cover my mouth but I still can't laugh. I'm shocked.

„What happened? Oh my good I need to know!" She presses her hands her hands together and looks me straight into my eyes.

„Mattia and-" I want to finish my sentence but Lilly presses her hand against my mouth and points to the ground.

No. Fucking. Way.
Mattia is laying on the floor, I hope he's still sleeping.

„I need to get out of here." I whisper and bite my nails. I jump down from the bed and fall to the ground waking him up.
Great!

He looks at me and I realize that I am laying in the floor next to him.
He smiles but I stand up fast and run out of the room.

Okay. I need to calm down. No, I can't. Shit, this is so embarrassing. How could I...
Oh my god.

I rush into the bathroom where I found Lilly's mum brushing her teeth.

„Oh hello dear."

„Hello Ms. Heat." I say politely pulling my hair behind my ear.

„Just give me a few more minutes and I'm ready so you can do your stuff."

I nod and walk out of the room when I I bump into Mattia in the hallway. I turn around and my heart is about to jump out.
I said that I don't care... that's what I'm going to do.

„You don't need to run away." He says calmly and takes my hand but I pull away.

„Yes I need to." I make a nervous face and start walking away.

„It was just this one time." He says and I stop.
I remember this sentence. God how much did I drink yesterday?!
Those were my words yesterday but why does it hurt hearing them from him.

„Yes." I face him and nod. „Just this one time."

„You don't have a Problem with that. Do you?" He looks to the ground and I freeze.

„Mhh."

„I finished. You can use the bathroom now." Ms. Heat shakes me off from my thoughts.

„Oh hello Mattia. I didn't see you coming in yesterday."

„Hello ma'am. I tried to be quiet." He says.

„You guys want some breakfast?"

„No, thank you but I have to go now." Mattia says calmly and Ms. Heat looks to me. „What about you?"

„No thank you I don't feel like eating today." I say sad and watch Mattia putting his jacket on.

„Well, let me know if you change your mind." Is the last thing she says before disappearing in the living room to turn the tv on.

„Mattia wait." I say without thinking.

I close my eyes for a second and sigh.

„I think we need to talk."

„About? You made everything clear." He says kinda angry.

„I know but let us talk outside." I grab my jacket, put my vans on and leave Lilly a message.

I walk behind Mattia and he opens the door.

We walk some rounds around the block and nobody knows how to break the silence.

„You wanted to talk." He says slowly.

„Yeah, right... " we walk right next to each other and our hands touch sometimes making me think of yesterday and I feel goosebumps all over me. „Look the thing is, I don't know what to do." I say desperate.

„What do you mean?"

„I tried to keep telling myself that I don't need you... well not for a long time but did." I say playing with my hands, nervously.

„You hurt me with that.... pretending like you don't need me."

„I'm sorry."
Wow I guess this is the first time I apologize for something.

„No it's fine. I was an asshole. You have every right to be like that." He surprises me with his words.

„I know I can't be without you." I say as fast as possible making him stop from walking. A big question mark appears on his face.

„I need you Mattia and I forgive you. You gave me the best feeling I had in a very long time yesterday and- and you are the one I want to be with." I say even faster this time.
What the fuck am I doing. I'm a fucking dummy.

His eyes go wide and a smile appears and disappears within seconds. Did I say something wrong? Why is he sad again?

„I feel the same way... but we destroy each other. We are no good for each other and you know that. It's better for us to drop this... I'm sorry." He whispers the last words.
He looks at me and I see his sad, worried and lost face expression but it doesn't make me feel better knowing that he suffers too. His words make me cry immediately. That's not true. We are good for each other... aren't we? How can he do that? I forgive him... isn't that what he wanted all the time?

„Please don't cry-"

„You're right. We destroy each other and that's why you did me so dirty last night. You just wanted to play with me!" I ball my fists and raise my voice.

God. I was so stupid. I believed him. He hurt me so much with all his actions and my dumbass forgave him and told him everything... how I think bout the two of us and what I feel. This was so offensive. He just tried to act like he likes me just to get into my pants and that's it. All this drama... all this way, all this bad and good experiences just to drop this? Okay wow. Fucking prick.

„No! That's not it." He says louder, stepping closer.

„You are and you will ever be an asshole Mattia." I laugh and cry at the same time and I mean it. He actually is a real asshole. The biggest I've ever met before.
Hearing something like this destroys me more than I already am. I try to push my emotions away and wipe my fresh tears out of my face.

I see his eyes burn a hole in the floor and I swing myself around to walk away when he all of a sudden reaches for my hand, turn me back around and presses his lips to mine.