Venus (Book 2)

hate

I hate myself 

I hate myself, because I know I'm strong 

so why am I being so weak? 

what happened to me? 

nothing could make me sad or angry

yet here I am 

crying at the change of a tone 

how rough a word may sound 

how forced kindness may seem 

I observe 

I observe that's how I know 

I can see hate, love, and pain in one's eyes

I feel as if 

I'm a ghost 

in people's eyes 

I'm here yet I am not 

I am present and I am past 

you see me, but do you really? 

my heart aches when they walk past 

I automatically think I am hated for my sins 

but they do not know about my sins 

they do not know what I have done in my past 

so why do I think I'm being hated 

possibly

because people make me hate myself 

I hate myself for giving second chances 

forgiving when I should have been forgetting 

begging instead of letting go 

you have no idea how many times I begged for love 

when love shouldn't even be something to beg for 

so when I say I am pathetic 

I really am 

no? 

no matter how many times I have been hurt 

I can never hate anyone 

I can never ever hate 

instead the hate goes into me instead 

calling myself stupid 

telling myself how foolish I have been 

I don't see 

I don't see life around me 

everyone is just an illusion 

they don't feel real 

they're like a picture in my head 

an imagination 

and I am just there 

standing in the middle of it all 

unable to do anything about it 

I stay up at night 

thinking of why 

why I feel real, and why everyone feels so 

wrong 

why do people feel wrong? 

why does it feel like I don't belong? 

my mind is not great 

my soul can be found in another person 

I am not great 

and I am not unique 

this life feels like a maze 

of illusions and magic 

maybe that is why I never grieved 

because it never felt real 

12:56 am