cut yourself in conversation | gerbert

chapter eight

bert leads gerard into his apartment where they're met by murry who runs to them as soon as they enter. bert laughs setting his bag to the side as he kneels down and petting him. gerard smiles as he watches him, adoring bert's love for his dog. gerard glances around the very neat and clean apartment, quite shocked. he'd imagined it to be a mess, or at least not as clean as it is. considering he's a man living alone. no wife or kids, only an animal. "i'm sorry was it too forward of me to ask you over to my apartment?"

"what? oh no, i'm just shocked that it's so neat." gerard chuckles, sliding his coat off which bert takes for him and places it on a hook by the front door. gerard admires the shelves by the fireplace stacked full with books but organized and dusted. gerard looks at the photo frame on the stand beside the couch. a photo of him and his platoon overseas, who gerard recognizes from earlier this evening. bert's close friends that he met at the event. "it looks like the military is your life."

"it is, really. it's all i really have, beside murry here. i guess i'm so used to the strict rules overseas that i apply them at home too. what about you though? we've talked about me all night, i want to know about you. any family? hobbies? dreams and ambitions?" bert asks curiously as he stands up from being kneeled on the floor. setting his keys on the table before taking a seat on the couch. which gerard sits beside him. bert wants to learn more about gerard, he seems very closed off when it comes to himself. bert's talked about himself tonight, so that gerard could know him better but gerard's barely spoken about himself. hoping maybe now that they're alone and not in a crowd that he'd open up a little bit.

"my little brother that you met and my mother, though i can barely call her that. i enjoy art, i always wanted to be an artist as a kid. no dreams anymore though, i'm just trying to make it to the next day. my only focus is on taking care of mikey right now. that's why i do what i do, not because i want too." gerard answers his few questions. bert frowns hearing that he doesn't have much. not much family, no future planned for himself. but bert really admires his love and dedication to his brother, the sacrifices he has to make.

bert didn't have it great growing up, but he can't even begin to imagine how tough it's been for gerard. bert can't imagine how hard it must be to go day to day selling himself and doing off the wall jobs here and there, which gerard had mentioned earlier tonight. bert respects him for the sacrifices he makes just to care for his baby brother.

"i'm sorry. i can imagine it's not easy. your brother, how is he? i mean tell me about him, you two seem close." bert responds, curious to know about mikey but also wanting to change the topic a little so it doesn't make gerard uncomfortable. bert watches gerard smile as the mention of mikey, clearly a proud brother. gerard seems to relax not that they're not in public.

"he's amazing, the smartest boy you'll ever meet. he actually really likes you, from what i've told him about you. which is rare, mikey never likes anyone i spend time with that isn't him." gerard says. which earns a smirk from bert in response, leaning back into the couch while he watches gerard's cheeks heat up with regret. realizing what he's just let slip. "i mean ya'know he saw you at the coffee shop and stuff-" gerard begins to backpedal on what he mentioned.

"aww you talk about me to your brother? i bet you guys even looked up my myspace account." bert teases, only causing them both to bust of in laughter as soon as those words leave his lips. sat together, they lean into each other as they laugh, unable to control themselves.

"your myspace." gerard laughs, putting his face in his hands as he tries to calm down. bert wipes the tears under his eyes, calming down from his laughing fit at his own joke. eyes going to the pretty red head beside him who removes his face from his hands, wiping his eyes letting out one last giggle. bert can't help but to smile while watching him, watching how happy and content he is in this moment. not seeming on edge like he usually does. gerard looks at him, laughing softly. "if for some reason the core doesn't work out for you, you should try out being a comedian."

bert tenses as how close they're now sat together, but honestly enjoying it. gerard notices and softly smiles at him. "thank you so much for tonight, it was really amazing. besides that guy of course. i really enjoyed this."

"thank you for coming with me, it meant a lot. even if things didn't go as i planned. i'll give you a lift home, it's not safe to walk alone at this time." bert offers, standing. grabbing gerard's jacket and helping him slide it on. earning a flustered blush over gerard's cheeks. bert grabs his keys and the two talk as bert begins to drive to the address that gerard gave him. discussing music interests considering bert had a nirvana cd playing when they got into the vehicle.

gerard can't help but to sit back and admire the blonde man beside him. eyes glued to road ahead, light glaring over his seeming soft skin as they drive pass streetlights. one tattooed hand gripped the steering wheel and the other rested on the gear shift. gerard can't help but to admire how amazing he looks, how fit he is from working out and his time served overseas. "i find it really hard that you don't have a boyfriend. i know with your occupation it's hard, but i'm sure there's a lot of people who wouldn't mind it."

"it's partly the job, but mainly me. after an injury i obtained over there, i changed. i pushed the people i was closest too away, i haven't really been out there since. so it's really my fault that i'm alone. with what i did, i was asking for them to leave me." bert sadly chuckles, his eyes glancing over to gerard in the passenger seat beside him then back to the road. bert pushed everyone closest to him away, the only people who stayed by him was the guys, anne and his dad. he blames himself for his lost relationships, he's the one who pushed them away.

gerard lays his hand ontop of bert's that rests on the gear shift. making bert look over at him. "no one asks to be abandoned. especially when you needed then most."

pulling into the driveway of the address gerard gave him, bert looks back to the red head, hand sliding off the gear shift and into gerard's. bert leans forward and gerard braces for a kiss, expecting one, praying for one. instead there's a soft kiss on his forehead and a soft squeeze to his hand held by bert's. only a soft whisper slips his lips. "goodnight angel."

gerard can't help but to smile, feeling his face heat up. bert pulls away and gerard exits the vehicle, looking back in to bert. "goodnight." he bites his lip before closing the door and walking to the front door, entering. letting out a long sigh with a smile plastered over his face. hurrying up the stairs, gerard enters mikey's bedroom to see him in bed, back from his friends house. mikey grins and scoots over, "spill it."

gerard slides his coat off and kicks off his shoes, getting into bed with his brother. "i have so much to tell you."