cut yourself in conversation | gerbert

chapter fifteen

bert leans backward into the cushions of his couch as he sips the ice cold beer in his right hand. listening to dan and jeph and quinn carry on a conversation about who knows across from him on the other soft white sofa in his living room. he's too nervous to talk right now, though he's really glad they're all here. it's nice to be here with them, to spend some time with them. they haven't hung out in the past several weeks because they were all trying to get settled and situated back in to reality. but they're finally back to hanging out again and bert's honestly ashamed of himself after seeing how well they're doing with being back and all.

bert should be getting a call or something in the mail giving him orders by the end of the day. it will determine wheather he's laid off from duty for good, redirected or being called back for another deployment. he's so nervous to find out, this determines his future in the army. suddenly his phone begins buzzing with a call from his corporal. interrupting the guys with a "shush", bert slides right answering the phone call.

gerard stands in-front of the mirror as he changes his night clothes. the "sexy" clothes he wears everynight when going out and meeting johns for money. bert's been really distant these past few days, hasn't called as often and when they have he seemd very distracted. gerard hasn't mentioned it because he hasn't wanted to push bert. that's when he gets a text that inturrupts the metallica song playing his small onn speaker. picking up his phone, he sees it's surprisingly a text from bert, whose barely talked this past week.
bert: meet me at the park please, it's urgent

with no hesitation, gerard quickly strips and puts on some jeans and a tee before leaving his house and heading towards the park where instructed to go. the entire walk there gerard can't help but to internally panic. shivering as he walks against the wind blowing against him, he was in such a hurry he even forgot his coat on the way out. what could be so urgent? this text ontop of how distant he's been recently is really worrying. knowing that settling back into civilization has been really tough for bert this past month.

arriving, gerard spots the blonde haired guy sat on a bench, his head hung low. gerard picks up his pace, jogging over to him. "bert hey, what's going on? what's so urgent?"

"the corporal called, gave me news about my new assignment." bert says looking up from the ground. after a moment, the realization hits him. gerard carefully sits on the bench beside him, placing a hand ontop of bert's to encouraging him. "i've been reassigned to the new jersey national guard. i'm not going to be deployed again."

"that's great, isn't it? no more deploying, you can have a stable life now. why don't you seem happy about it? this is a great thing, the national guard is important." gerard asks, softly squeezing his hand. not understanding why bert isn't over the top beaming with joy right now. i mean he doesn't have to go back to dangerous places, risk his life every day for months, a year at a time. shouldn't he be happy about that? not to mention being selected for the national guard.

"i don't know if i can handle being back. i'm used to it over there, things are worse here. i'm alone, thousands of miles from my family. the army is my life, protecting my country over there is what i'm good at." bert says sadly. gerard sighs and hugs him tightly, seeing how frustrated he is. bert hugs him back tightly. gerard rubs his back, letting him calm and relax a little. he can't even begin to know how bert feels, but he knows that he doesn't want him to deploy again.

"baby you're not alone, you have me and your friends. you're thousands of miles away from your family but you're millions away over there. you can at least visit them here. you've served 3 years over there, it's time to take care of yourself now bert. you're still serving and protecting in the national guard, you're just doing it here. it's gonna take some time and some help, but you'll adjust back to life here." gerard says as they hug, running his hand through bert's soft short blonde hair.

bert sniffles and pulls away, rubbing gerard's cold arm. he slides off the leather jacket the headlights of fhe cars passing by on the road glares against. wrapping it around gerard'a shoulders. "you're freezing, why wouldn't you bring a jacket out here."

"i was too worried and in a hurry to get here and see you. thank you." gerard blushes slightly, sliding his arms in the sleeves and warming up. bert smiles and hugs him again, so thankful that he has gerard here to talk too about these things. gerard was the first person he thought of to go to after getting the phone call. he told the guys he was going out for just a little bit and would be back soon, that's when he'd texted gerard to meet him at the park.

"i should be the one thanking you. for everything. always being here for me and always knowing what to say, i can't express how much it means to me." bert says as they hug. gerard smiles and sweetly laughs, resting his face on his neck, happy he was able to help bert through this tough part. though gerard knows it's going to get even tougher in the future with getting him adjusted, he's just enjoying this moment now. that he was able to help him through this now. not worrying about the furture stuggles. they both have issues, but they both have each other too.

"come on, come to my apartment with me. the guys are there and they'd love to see you. they really liked you, especially jeph. if you ask me i think he's got a little bit of a crush on you." bert says as they pull away from the hug. hopeing gerard will come hang with them, really wanting to spend some time with him. and wanting the guy he likes and his best friends to get to know each other better, it would mean a lot to him if they became friends. he really really likes gerard, more than just a friend. it's really rare for bert to fall for a guy this fast.

"i really want too but i have to 'work'. i'm sorry, i've just got to have enough money to pay off mikey's school lunch account by the end of the week." gerard apologizes, really wishing that he could but he has to make money. bert pulls out his wallet, pulling out a hundred dollar bill. "bert no, i'm not taking your money. thank you though."

"i'm not asking. take the money and come spend some time with me and my friends like an actual human being instead of having no life at all." bert teases him. gerard laughs shaking his hand and takes the bill before hitting the blonde boy in the arm. bert laughs and the two begin walking down the sidewalk together. beginning to talk on the way home.

a rather loud motorcycle begins approaching on the road from behind and gerard watches as bert flinches slightly, wrapping an arm around gerard and pulling him closer to his side. gerard speaks softly as he looks at bert whose eyebrows remain furrowed, seeming nervous as the motorcycle passes by. "bert are you okay?"

bert relaxes from his tense posture as the motorcycle rides off in the distance. bert looks back to gerard from the ground, offering a sweet smile. "i'm fine angel."

[this one's dull but uhhh i'm exhausted]