cut yourself in conversation | gerbert

chapter twenty six

gerard groans as he rubs his sore neck as he exits the bar. his body is really aching today, really tense and sore from all the late nights and stressing. he hugs his coat tightly around his body as he walks down the cold dark streets alone, on his way home. until he hears his name called. turning around, he's nervous to see bert jogging to catch up with him from the bar entrance. "gee wait up, damn you move fast for someone so small. i'm sorry i haven't called, quinn practically begged me to take some time to be by myself."

gerard just hugs him tightly. he's been so fucking worried about him, about how he's doing, if he was mad at him. bert chuckles squeezing gerard tightly and placing a kiss in his hair. "everything's alright baby, are you okay? i'm so sorry for what happened, that i freaked and haven't talked to you. i'm really really sorry gerard."

"it was my fault, don't apologize. i'm really sorry. are you okay now? have you talked to someone?" gerard says pulling away from the hug. just really glad to see bert here, seemingly okay. gerard's missed calling and talking with him every night. missed laying in bed together in the dark and just talking. missed his pretty smile and those baby blue eyes. gerard's missed everything there is about bert. it's only been a little over a week but it's felt like a lifetime to gerard.

"how is it your fault? wait come on, my car is in the lot. you're coming home with me." bert says. gerard follows as bert leads him down the sidewalk and to the bar parking lot where bert's car is one of very few parked. getting in, gerard winces and rubs his aching neck. the short drive to the apartment is comfortably quiet, besides bert's bowie cd that's always playing. bert reaches over and holds gerard's hand, feeling really guilty himself.

arriving at the apartment gerard tiredly curls into a ball against the corner of the couch, hugging himself as he begins to warm up. bert makes them some hot chocolate before sitting down on the couch beside gerard. "how are you feeling since your meltdown? i'm really sorry, i should have realized that the movie would have shooting, i'm really sorry bert, i'm an awful friend. i should have did more to help you through it, i was just so scared i didn't know what to do-" gerard's cut off mid rant apology by bert.

"gerard it was not your fault, by no means. it was my fault, i should have searched up on it, i know what loud noises do to me. don't blame yourself, and don't apologize. you did help, more than you'll know. i didn't want you to leave. which is another thing, i'm really sorry for what quinn said, that he pushed you. and i'm sorry i didn't say anything, i was just panicked." bert apologizes, feeling so bad. he saw quinn shove gerard, yell at him. bert didn't want gerard to leave, he needed gerard, but quinn didn't give him a choice. he feels bad that he didn't stick up for gerard when quinn blamed him for what happened. that he hasn't called or texted. feels even worse hearing that gerard blames himself.

"it's okay, i know you two are really close. he was just being protective of you, i can't blame him. i'm just really glad you're okay now, i've been really worried. you being away has made me realize how lonely and sad i am when you're gone." gerard says placing his hand on bert veiny, tattooed hand. bert smiles and softly squeezes his hand, lifting it up and placing a kiss on the top. bert's spent the past several days in the gym, working out his built up anger. then the frustration of what happened at the theater, the anxiety of being away from gerard. constantly worried about if gerard was okay, if he was mad at him of upset. it's so nice to be back with the person who makes him feel most special.

bert watches as gerard winces, bringing his hand up to his neck and rubbing. "what's wrong babe? are you hurt?"

"my body's so tense, stress and stuff. i'm fine though." gerard says. bert sits up and motions him closer. obliging, gerard scoots closer. letting out a soft exhale as he feels bert grip and massage his shoulders. "that feels so much better, god my body is killing me."

"i can feel how tense you are, babe you need to relax. stop stressing so much, which i know is hard for you but at least for right now. my place is a stress free zone, stop worrying." bert says as he rubs his his shoulders. feeling gerard's body relax backwards into his own, feeling him calm down a bit. bert knows how much gerard stresses in his day to day life, which is why when they're together bert tries to take his mind off of everything. always keeping him distracted from worrying about mikey or money. bert feels so bad for him, he's only twenty-three and worries so much. a twenty-three year old taking care and raising his younger brother, while also supporting his mother.

bert can't resist leaning down and placing a kiss in his neck after gerard lays his head back on his shoulder. feeling gerard shiver and lean backward. bert trails kisses down his neck and to the spot that drives him crazy. gerard lets out an involuntary moan before biting his bottom lip to keep quiet as he feels the soft warm lips suck and kiss at his neck. berts hands traveling down from his shoulders and down his arms, sliding onto his thighs. gerard sits forward and turns around now straddling his lap before kissing him.

his veiny tattooed hands attach onto hips, using his hands to pull his body, grinding closer into him, hands sliding back and resting on gerard ass. gerard moans into his mouth, his hands gripping his soft blonde hair. bert's hands pull away and work their way over to gerard's belt buckle. until gerard's hands move and rest on his, slowing down the kiss. pulling away and catching their breath, gerard softly giggles and rebuckles his belt. "baby we can't. i don't want to ruin what we have."

bert places a hand under his jaw. thumb brushing softly along his chin. "that's okay. but nothing could ruin what we have. especially not dating. what's the harm in trying? we both obviously can't be away from each other. what's the difference between what he have now and being a couple?"

"like you said, what's the difference? why can't we enjoy what we have now? baby you know what i do for a living, you don't want me." gerard says, tilting his head slightly as he plays with bert's hair. still straddled on his lap. wanting to hear bert out on being together. gerard would love nothing more but to be with bert. bert makes him so happy, makes him feels special and safe. but like every other relationship he's ever been in, his lifestyle gets in the way and ruins every chance of happiness he's ever got.

bert just softly laughs and kisses the red head again. "the difference is, i get to call you mine."