cut yourself in conversation | gerbert

chapter two

bert lets out a deep breath as he enters his apartment. this apartment is very tidy and clean due to the procedure overseas. he lives alone, he hasn't had very many relationships. he had a previous girlfriend before he realized that he was gay. he dated a boy for a few months but when bert was injured he left. claimed that he 'couldn't handle it'. bert was in a bad place at that time, the pain and stress. the trauma he'd endured over there. he didn't care if jay left him or not, he couldn't blame him for staying as far away from bert as possibly.

"bert! you're back!" bert hears a cheer as he sets his back down by the front door. met with the embrace of anne. anne tends to bert's apartment and dog while he's gone. bert smiles, hugging her back tightly. hearing a bark from across the room by his dog murry. anne quickly lets the big dog out of it's pin. watching as the big black lab runs straight to him, jumping up on him. his tail going crazy.

bert drops to his knees, loving on his ecstatic dog. murry has always been his best friend, he means the absolute world to bert. "thank you so much for watching over him and the place. how has everything been, has murry here been good? and how's your mom doing?" bert smiles up at anne from the ground where he pets and loves on murry. laughing as he licks bert's face, trying to jump on him.

"he's missed you so much, went crazy everytime i said your name. she's doing great, thanks for asking. i went grocery shopping for you. we've really missed you bert." anne smiles. bert stands and hugs his friend one last time. anne leaves to let him get settled back in. bert sighs as he looks around the familiar empty apartment. everything like he left it. books on the shelves, the same record on the turntable. though everything dusted and clean thanks to anne. they've been friends since highschool, she takes care of his and the guys place while they're gone.

jeph, quinn dan and bert are all best friends. they're all apart of the same platoon. over there they rely on each other, cover each others asses. you can't get closer than that. bert walks down the hall and into the bedroom, murry following shortly behind him. bert begins unbuttoning his uniform, staring at himself in the mirror as he slides off the heavy weight. squeezing his eyes closed as he stares at his shirtless body. the wound that remains on his chest, reminding him of the day his life changed.

his mind on the way gerard's hand brushed along his skin, the look in his eyes when he looked at bert. his reassuring words. bert's hooked up with many guys from the bar, often male prostitutes. but he's never met one like gerard. most usually only care about getting done and getting paid. but gerard wasn't like that, he didn't want the sex or money. he seemed to genuinely care about how hesitant and upset bert was over his wound. but bert couldn't. he hasn't been able too since his iniury, even despite how sexually frustrated he is.

bert tiredly takes a quick shower before getting into his comfortable bed. the blanket and sheets cold to the touch. back to an actual bed, with a warm blanket. unlike the bunks they get while deployed. his body resting into the memory foam of the bed, murry jumps in with him. laying at the foot of the bed with his head laid over his ankle. bert laughs and turns out the lamp beside him before resting his eyes.

drifting to sleep with gerard's words on his mind. "we all have our wounds."

gerard wraps his jacket tightly around himself as he drops his head while walking down the sidewalk. wind blowing against him that makes the trees shake. approaching his street, gerard prepares himself for what he's about to walk into. as much as he hates being out there selling himself, he hates coming back to the place he unfortunately calls 'home'. but there's nothing he can do about it.

"gerard you're home!" mikey smiles at him when gerard enters the home. his younger brother getting up and hugging him tightly. gerard places a kiss on the top of his head as they hug before pulling away. gerard looks over him and to his mother laid out on the couch with a bottle of jack daniel's in her hand. gerard sighs and mikey picks up on what he stares at. "she's been out for an hour now."

"have you eaten yet? what do you want to eat, hm? i can make some mac and cheese, i know how much you love it." gerard asks as he slides his jacket off, walking into the kitchen. mikey follows behind him, humming in thought. gerard opens the cabinet, sighing when he sees there's not much in here. noodles and bread, some chips as well.

his mother can't hold a steady job, his father left when gerard was only a toddler. gerard makes just enough to pay the bills and his mother gets a disability check every week due to a broken leg three years ago. though she's been fine and healed for the past few years, she lies and gets her check. which she usually blows on alcohol and pills. "can we get pizza or something? i'm tired or noodles and water."

"i know you are." gerard sighs closing the cabinet. pulling out the cash he made tonight and counting it. enough for this weeks bills but no extra. gerard turns to his brother, rubbing his arm. "not tonight, mikes. how about tomorrow night, okay? we can go out to the local diner and you can get anything you want. but for tonight i'm going to make some noodles."

"really!? okay!" mikey cheers. gerard will just have to work in the morning. gerard laughs at his brother and begins boiling the water for macaroni and cheese. he enters the living room and removes the bottle from his unconscious mothers hand. moving her arm that lays off the side of the couch back on and covering her up with a throw blanket. he turns off the t.v and makes his way back to the kitchen where mikey sits at the table working on homework. "gee can you help me?"

"of course." gerard rubs his back and sits next to him, beginning to help him with his english homework. gerard dropped out in highschool to take care of his mom and brother. mikey's only 16, he deserves a good life. gerard doesn't mind sacrificing to take care of them, he's the man of the house now. finishing the noodles, the brothers sit at the table and eat while talking. mikeh ranting on and on about his friends in school, music class. mikey's taken up playing the bass in band, gerard couldn't be more proud of him.

"alright mikes, off to bed. you have school in the morning." gerard says when they finish eating. after making sure mikey's asleep, gerard showers before getting into bed. opening his bag, he pulls out bert's camouflage cap from his bag. he sighs softly, brushing his thumb along the firm material. he feels for bert, for the things his sacrifices for their country. gerard saw the hurt in his eyes tonight, the pain. he hated himself, the wound that remains on his chest.

gerard sets it aside and lays down, thinking about his long day. and the long day coming tomorrow.