cut yourself in conversation | gerbert

chapter twenty two

gerard hands the tea he made to bert as he sits beside him. pulling at the sweatshirt sleeves of berts that he wears. "that crap store bought tea you have isn't going to help but this will. it tastes a little weird but it'll soothe your throat and get you over the rest of your cold." gerard advises as bert takes a sip. watching a soft smirk form as he pulls away from the mug.

"i can think of other ways to soothe my throat." bert says glancing to hin. making gerard choke on air and look at him in shock at the teasing comment. those words making heat rise in his cheeks as he stares at the blue eyed boy beside him, the image he just placed in his mind contolling every thought. bert grins as he looks at how red his face gets, the way he brings his finger up to his mouth like he often does when nervous. "i love seeing you get flustered, it's cute. especially when it's over me."

gerard bites his lip and hits his arm playfully. "you suc- stink. you better watch your mouth mccracken, you may be a top but you're also recovering from being sick right now. i have the upper hand."

"oh really? what are you going to do, take advantage of me?" bert grins. just wanting to see gerard's smile, wanting to see him get all worked up and flustered by just the slightest words. watching gerard's jaw drop slightly and hits him again. "ya'know what you stop hitting me." bert jokingly grabs his wrist only for him to push and they fall back and off the couch. laughing together, bert fallen ontop of the red head who lays on the rug of the floor. in between the couch and the coffee table. once their laughter dies, gerard takes notice to their position and looks back to bert who just watches him.

"i think about our first kiss a lot," bert says softly as he stares down at the red head. from his pretty hazel eyes, over his pixie nose and to his soft pink lips. "about how soft your lips are, how they tasted like your cherry chapstick. even under the odd circumstances, it was still very special to me."

"don't consider that our first kiss, not like that." gerard says, moving bert's hair from hanging down in his face. bert leans down, softly kissing the soft lips he adores. bert's hands sliding down gerard's arms that lay on the floor, pinning down his wrists as the kiss deepens. nothing like the first time they kissed. not shallow like before, this time filled with love and need. pulling away for a breath after a long kiss, gerard can't help but to smile and kiss him again. all the ache in his heart gone, the empty cold feeling now filled. the way bert's hands grip his wrists as he holds them to the floor. the way his his lips move in synch with his.

pulling away and sitting up, bert moves off him and lays on the floor next to the red head. gerard scoots closer and rests his head on bert's shoulder. taking a moment before softly whispering. "you do know we can't be together, right?"

"i know you can't handle a relationship right now, but i'm not giving up. and this won't be the last time we kiss. my feelings for you won't change, no matter what you do. you're stuck with me." bert says. gerard laughs and looks to him, playing with his messy blonde hair. bert places a kiss on his forehead, just enjoying tonight while they have it.

•  •  •

gerard sits in bed with mikey, telling him all about what happened with bert. telling him that they kissed, how sweet bert was. obviously sparing mikey the details of bert's sexual flirts and the way he pinned down his wrists. mikey very invested, he really wants them to get together. mikey can see how in love gerard's is. "was he any good though? i hate boys who are bad at kissing, they're nasty."

"excuse me mr. what boys have you been kissing? you're too young for boys, boys are gross and greasy." gerard says making mikey giggle and blush. gerard sits up further, turning on his stomach body held up by his elbows on the bed to look at him better. "come on, talk to me. what boy have you been kissing at school? because i know you, and you've been really giddy these past few weeks. more than you usually are. so spill it."

"okay so you know that pete guy i told you about like a month ago? well he asked me out to lunch and i went, and we kissed. he was so amazing, he was so sweet through the entire meal. he called me pretty, even complimented my glasses! no one ever likes my glasses. are you mad that we kissed? i promise it was only a kiss, and that he's a good guy. i wouldn't have gone if i thought he'd hurt me." mikey says. gerard can't help but to smile hearing how happy mikey is. mikey relaxes seeing he isn't mad about mikey kissing a boy.

"does he make you happy? i mean, are you comfortable with him and stuff?" gerard questions, wanting to be sure he's himself with this guy. gerard isn't going to tell mikey he can't kiss or date, he's fourteen. he's going to experiment and date, gerard wants mikey to have the childhood and teenage experiment he himself never got. but in the same sense is obviously going to check out this pete guy and make sure he isn't going to hurt his baby brother. but gerard isn't going to restrict him from seeing the guy. they've already talked about being safe when it comes to meeting people and going out.

"happy is an understatement. he makes me feel things i've never felt before. when we spend time together or hold hands, i feel okay. all my stress and worrying goes away," mikey smiles while thinking about him. "but what about you and bert? i noticed you've been upset this past week and you two weren't texting. though you are now. have you guys been fighting?"

"bert said some mean things and hurt my feelings. i didn't talk to him for a few days and it was honestly one of the hardest things i've ever done. bert makes me feel special, safe. but he hurt my feelings, said things he knows i'm sensitive to. we made up but i guess i'm still a little upset." gerard sighs, confiding in mikey about what happened. though not saying what exactly he said, since it'd be admitting to mikey what he does for money.

"we all say things we don't mean gee, sometimes things just come out," mikey says looking at gerard who sighs fiddling with his finger. "you forgave him, just move on. you said he makes you feel happy and special, that's all that matters. bert is one in a million, and he really likes you gee."

gerard smiles and hugs his brother, kissing the top of his head. "what would i do without you."