My Not So Perfect Mate (boyxboy)

Chapter 8

Author's Note- This chapter has mentions of panic attack so people sensitive to it might want to skip the chapter and I will just give a synopsis of this chapter in the next chapter.

The song above is In My Blood by Shawn Mendes, it just has all the feels reflected in this chapter, you can listen to it while reading it.

I entered my office and closed the door behind me. I knew that I needed to make that call urgently but right now, I really needed to take a moment and gather myself. I had to push all those dreadful memories back into the corner of my brain I had locked them in all those years ago.

I could feel all those abominable painful memories prickling inside my brain trying to remind me of the ghastly things I went through, of how defenceless and weak I had felt, of how I had once prayed for my life to just come to an end.

I was supposed to calm myself down, but instead of doing that, I was once again reliving the horror that was the ten days I was held captive for and all these horrendous thoughts just tipped me off my mental cliff and I drove myself straight into a panic attack.

I could feel its onslaught having experienced it so many times in the past and I wanted to call for help, to shout out for my dad so that he can come and help me calm myself down as I clearly was doing a shitty job at that but my pride took precedence.

I, in no way, wanted to appear weak in front of him yet again, a child still stuck in the nightmare that his childhood turned out to be at the hands of a monster.

I didn't want him to find out to what extent this news has affected me, how it once again was turning me into a train wreck, a person incapacitated by the horrors of his past, who in no way was suitable to lead anyone let alone an entire pack.

I didn't want my parents to see me as a weakling, as someone incapable of detaching himself from what happened to him all those years ago and failing to rise up to the situation when someone else needed his help.

And I didn't want to disappoint my people, my pack, they didn't need to know what a selfish person their alpha was, who right now was being held prisoner by his own fears when he should be doing everything he can to help a child in need. They needed someone like my dad who always put the well being of others first, who was driven by this hunger to do right by others.

But most of all, I didn't want my dad to blame himself yet again for all the dreadful things that had happened to me because I don't blame him even a little bit, never had, never will.

All these thoughts were choking me and I couldn't breathe. I was starting to hyperventilate and the air seems to have abandoned my lungs. I was once again helpless in the hands if this panic attack which was consuming my entire being bit by bit.

Suddenly I felt a vibration in my pocket, somebody was calling me. If I hadn't been so blinded by my panic already, I may have thought that it was a bad idea answering the call at the moment but the only thought running inside my hazy brain right now was that I needed someone to help me escape the tentacles of this panic that has wound itself around my neck and was squeezing hard.

I somehow took the phone out of my pocket and pressed the green button and in my dishevelled state I mistakenly pressed the speaker button since even when the phone fell from my shaking hands, I still heard Sam saying, " Alpha, your dad told me to call you."

I don't know why, but those snarky words that came out of Sam's mouth which in no way were meant to be soothing or even kind had a calming effect on me. My breathing was still all kinds of fucked up and I subconsciously just wanted him to continue speaking.

On receiving no answer from my end and having definitely heard my laboured breathing, he tentatively asked, " Xav, are you ok?"

I wanted to tell him that I was fine and keep my dignity intact but his name automatically slipped past my lips in the utmost shaky and broken voice.

That was enough for him to realise that something was wrong with me as he started rambling frantically, " What happened Xav? talk to me, are you hurt? Did someone attack you? Where are you? What do you need? Should I call for help, wait I will just call Alpha, he can help you, yes I should do that. Xav, can you hear me? I am just going to put you on hold and call Alpha. Just hang in there buddy, you are gonna be fine."

He was about to put me on hold and I knew by Alpha he meant my dad (old habits die hard after all). And the last thing I wanted him to do right now was to inform my dad so using all my willpower, I finally found my voice as broken and pathetic it was," Sam, wait."

There was a small pause where I heard Sam taking deep breaths as if he was trying to calm his wolf down. Maybe his alpha being in distress has agitated his wolf. We both didn't say anything for some time and only the sound of our heavy breathing could be heard over the phone.

Even when his breathing got somewhat back to normal, he kept quiet as if contemplating something. I could hear the wheels turning inside his brain, he was finally back to his senses having pushed the initial shock back.

Suddenly he broke the silence saying, " Xavy is this because of the news of the child going missing and Rico being involved with it."

This is the thing about Samuel, he never learnt to beat around the bush. We may have been at each other's neck most of our lives but he had also known me for the longest time and most importantly he had seen me in a similar vulnerable state before.

He was there when I was hit by my first panic attack. He had tried to help me the best he could at that age. But he had also betrayed me, he was the one who told my parents about it when I explicitly told him to keep it a secret from everyone.

I had realised a long time back that I shouldn't hold it against him as he in his own way helped me get the help I desperately needed but was too naive to ask for then. But you know my baby brain thought differently at that time and I just hated him for doing that for quite some time.

I didn't answer him, refusing to let him hear my broken voice yet again and he seemed to have taken my silence as my acceptance. His genius brain seemed to have already deduced the fact that I was having a panic attack so he told me in the most tender voice I have ever heard leave Sam's mouth to take deep breaths.

He instructed me to follow his breathing pattern and started taking deep breaths guiding me along. He was also whispering some encouraging words in between and though I couldn't make sense of most of it, his soft soothing voice was like a cooling balm to my frayed nerves.

I was feeling better with each breathes once again supplying oxygen to my system and the haze surrounding my mind was rapidly clearing helping me come back to my senses.

I was about to tell Sam that I was feeling better when there was frantic knocking on my door. Someone was yelling for me to open it as my dad wanted to see me again and that too as soon as possible.

The urgency in the voice of the person spurred me into action and I got up and took quick steps towards the door. I opened it and saw one of the warriors looking all kinds of flustered.

Before I could ask what was the matter, frantic words started shooting out of his mouth, " Your dad wants to see to now, like right now. He sounded very angry and distraught when he told me to come to your office and get you as you were not picking up his calls."

I immediately knew that something very bad must have happened for my dad to appear affected before his pack as my dad was an expert at hiding his emotions to avoid people from panicking.

His words were enough to make me push everything that had happened to me a few minutes ago to the back of my mind and with just a single goal in mind and that was to find out what could have happened that has made my dad so vulnerable, I charged out of my office.

I didn't hear the call getting disconnected or my phone ringing once again with the caller id showing the name of the same person who had helped me escape my own personal hell and pulled me out of the clutches of my past demons just a few minutes ago.

Author's Note- I am sorry if I made someone sad while reading it as I definitely got sad writing it...hope you all like it...as always please give me all your feedbacks...I love reading and replying to them.
Love yaa all... biee ❤