My broken mate

The rose garden and Antonio

Holy hell I'm pressing it with this one since literally I'm starting with a 30 day challenge in a few days, but I really wanted to do this beforehand, since then I basically can't update any of my books for a month. And do I know that the picture is Portugal not Spain? Yes. Do I care that it's Portugal not Spain? No. (Please for my sake pretend it's Spain). Anyway let's get on with the story my birdies💕😘

⚠️Gore, cursing, self harm and 0anic attack⚠️

Matthew's POV

It's been a few months and I felt comfortable with most people that lived in the pack house. Like once Gilbert, Lovino, Antonio and Ludwig went on patrol across the pack and pack borders, so I stayed with the Italian Luna. Turns out he is actually pretty funny and nice and definitely in love with the alpha. We ended up playing dress up, which mainly consisted of him dressing me up and doing my hair. Of course the others had to walked in on me wearing one of (unbeknownst to me until afterwards) Gilbert's hoodies and a pair of jeans, my hair done in two pigtails. Feliciano was in what looked like a mini top and mini skirt with high heels. Needless the alpha and soon to be alpha was very flustered seeing their mates in those clothes.

Antonio and Lovino was surprised and then laughed a bit. The logical part of my brain said they were probably laughing at the awkward situation or the fact the alphas were pretty embarrassed by seeing this, but of course my anxiety and depression and anorexia just had to kick in and tell me that they are laughing at me and the outfit. I excused myself from the room and didn't talk to anyone the rest of the day, locking myself in my room, long over the horror stories. I didn't talk to anyone till Gilbert begged me to open the door. It was pretty hard to mask the scent of puke (I threw up a few minutes after I made it to my room, whether that be from anorexia or from crying, I wouldn't know), luckily the Prussian didn't mention it, probably too concerned about me locking myself up in my room the whole day. We cuddled a lot that night, skipping dinner because I 'wasn't hungry'. We watched movies till I ended up falling asleep. First time I majorly self harmed since I got into the pack...

(A/N That was supposed to be a happy memory! How in the bloody fu-)

Okay maybe that wasn't an all too good example, but I still grew to be more comfortable with most people in the pack house (exception being Elizabeta, but I rarely talk to her). Anyway like I said it's been a few months and I have grown to like and be comfortable with a lot of people...but most of my major wounds have healed. Well except my self harm marks that I make when Gilbert has work or when I'm alone, it's become a habit at this point though it wasn't as bad as when I was at my old pack. I usually block out my wolf whenever I do it though. And I'm going to keep by my early promises. I'm leaving the pack today...

Why I picked today exactly? Well Gilbert, Lovino, Ludwig and Feliciano are busy with work the whole day so I can leave without anyone bothering me, plus if they were around I would just feel more guilty by the others being there. I finally get done writing my note to Gilbert, explaining what happened. I cried a little as there was a few tear stains on the paper. I sigh as I start packing a few needed items (clothes, any weapon to defend myself with or for other purposes and so on).

Please Matthew listen to me. Please don't leave my mate! He can be happy with Elizabeta. I made a promise and I intend to keep it. Besides I'm just a bother and problem to them. No! No you aren't. Please stay with mate! He is so ha- I immediately block my wolf out as tears streamed down my face. I randomly chose a suitcase that belonged to the person who lived here earlier. I read the name imbedded into it as I almost screamed. It was my old alpha's room whenever he came here. I decided to take it, having no other choice. I quickly put the essentials in the suitcase running out of the pack house. Once I was out I looked at it one last time, smiling slightly. "Goodbye Gilbert..."