Choosing You (JJ Watt)

9.

As quietly as possible, J.J. slipped into his home after his team's win against the Patriots. The house was still and quiet, but it was full. Upstairs, four young children lay asleep in beds that weren't theirs but brought them the comfort of a bed in their own home.

The man felt torn. These children were innocent. They had gone through hell the past several months. They deserved a good home and J.J. wasn't convinced that an Aunt they hardly knew was the best place for them. There was this nagging in him that said this home, his home was the best place for these kids, but that's not what he wanted.

He wanted a life where his only focuses were his wife and his career. He didn't want anything to distract from them. Marriage was tough enough without kids. They had a beautiful life together and he didn't want to jeopardize that. Yet, he had. He knew that Levi yearned for a family. He wanted to give her the world, but he was scared.

J.J. sighed, rubbing his temples. His head hurt. There was too much conflict in his brain at the moment. Filling a glass with water, he headed towards the stairs. All he wanted to do was crawl in bed, kiss his wife, and shut off all the thoughts running wild within him.

Before heading up the stairs, J.J. glanced towards the living room only to notice Levi asleep on the couch. The man smiled to himself and walked over. Setting his glass of water on the coffee table, he leaned over and kissed his wife's forehead. She was no doubt exhausted. Sadie had been up all night the night before with a fever and still had one this evening. Because of that, Levi had opted to stay home with the kids instead of going to the game, which he understood.

J.J. had been little help at all with Sadie. He could play with the other three children all day and had yesterday, but Sadie, she scared him.

On top of a sick infant, something had been bothering Levi since Thanksgiving. She seemed more distant. Like she was beginning to pull away. It scared him. He was beginning to wonder if he was finally starting to lose her.

Loud, angry cries emanated from the baby monitor on the coffee table. He hesitated, glancing back at his wife. She stirred slightly. Before she could be roused any further, he grabbed the monitor and rushed up the stairs to Sadie's room.

Walking up to her crib, he stopped. Sadie laid in her crib, helpless, yet he had to fight against himself to pick her up. Here she was in need of help, and he had to think about picking her up, think about comforting her.

He visibly cringed at his behavior. That was not the kind of person J.J. wanted to be. Without another thought, he reached down and picked her up.

"Shhh, Sadie. It's ok," He lightly bounced her up and down as he had often done with Logan. "Does that tooth coming in hurt?"

Sadie's cries turned into soft whimpers as she calmed at the sound of J.J.'s voice. He smiled, softly caressing her head in hopes that his fingers would cool her down slightly. It reminded him of when his mom would feel his forehead whenever he had a fever. There was nothing more cooling or soothing than his mom's hands on his forehead.

It seemed to do the trick. Sadie went completely quiet as she stared up at J.J. with her little blue eyes. He gave her an assuring smile and bent to kiss her forehead. In that moment, his worst fear was realized. He fell in love.

The truth was, he had been falling in love over the past couple of weeks. Liza had been the first one to do it. She had the brightest, most carefree spirit. If you needed to cheer up, Liza would tell you jokes, that were only jokes to her three-year-old brain, until you laughed.

Then the boys. They were fun-loving. Landon was protective of his younger siblings, way more protective than he needed to be. J.J. wanted to take that weight off of the seven-year-old's shoulders. Henry was thoughtful and observant. Just looking at him, you could tell he was often deep in thought. He was the kid who hugs you when you're crying and makes sure you're ok.

Now Sadie, five seconds in his arms, and he was captivated. She was so small and dainty but would surprise you with her appetite. She would never know her mom or dad. For all Sadie knew, Levi was her mother. The cold hard truth of the matter was that Levi was her mother.

At the realization, something inside of the man ignited. A need to protect her fiercely from all the bad in the world. A need to protect all four children, to show them what it meant to be loved and cared for. 

J.J. swallowed. He continued to watch Sadie, as her eyelids began to drop.

Conflict arose in him again. Did he really not want this? After years of saying he did? What had changed in him that made him not want a family? And was it beginning to change again? It was all becoming too much for him to think about clearly.

"This was the last place I expected to find you," Levi said, leaning against the open doorway.

J.J. turned around smiling softly. "I didn't want to wake you up." He looked back down at the sleeping infant, caressing her head. "You looked exhausted and adorable sleeping."

"Apparently, I'm not the only one," Levi said, walking over, kissing Sadie's head.

"She is pretty cute," J.J. conceded, watching his wife interact with the infant.

"Should you even be holding her, with your injury and all?"

"I'm holding her on the other side," the man defended. "And I'm mending."

Levi laughed. "If it's all the same," She took Sadie from her husband. J.J. wanted to protest. "I think I'd better hold her. I don't need all of Texans nation coming after me because you didn't heal properly."

"That wouldn't be your fault."

"It's always the wife's fault," Levi teased, kissing Sadie's cheek.

J.J. smiled, wrapping an arm around her waist and tugging her closer to him. Careful to not disturb Sadie, he leaned in kissing his wife softly. "It's never your fault, baby."

"Well, you better not think so. I was nowhere near you when you got hurt."

J.J. chuckled deeply, trying to keep his volume down. He kissed her cheek again for good measure. He followed Levi's line of sight down to Sadie. "Maybe we should have her sleep in our room. I know you were running back and forth a lot last night."

"You hate having her in our room." Levi looked up at her husband as if he had two heads.

J.J. swallowed. "She needs you tonight. I'll go grab the pack 'n play from downstairs."

With those words he exited the room, leaving his wife dumbfounded while he tried his best to process the thoughts swirling in his mind.