Trained (Completed)

Chapter 22: Stays The Same

Going through changes. It's time for the seasons to change. Though not really. It's the same every year. Summer, fall, winter, spring, summer, repeat. Which one starts? The months stay the same too. Numbers never change. But they never stay on the same day.

Christmas is always on the twenty fifth, but never the same day. In Florida that's what it feels like. The seasons never change. The climate changes slightly, but mostly stays the same. Clinton fears that he'll be like the weather, different, but still the same.

Nothing is new to him. He's been alive over thirty years. Cars look different, but they are almost the same. Some go faster than others, but they drive. If you think about it, everything does die. Cars die, phones, tv's, sometimes even houses.

People just replace them. Clinton often thinks about his death. Who would replace him? Palmer? She could replace him right now if she wanted to. A new person will be born to take his spot in the world. Clinton knows he doesn't want kids.

If he has to get married, he will, but absolutely no kids. Many have called him selfish, but he believes they are the selfish ones. To bring a child, so innocent and loving, in to a world like this. There are cons and pros to everything. He made a list once about having a kid. The cons always out weighed the pros.

Even if you teach them wrong and right, to watch out for the cruel world, you can't protect them forever. He always thought of his situation. At school, getting the fuck kicked out of him. Where were his parents? If he told his father, he'd get another beating, because he was not "man" enough.

He always watched the girls. Feeling bad for them. Getting man handled by other boys. Groped and god knows what else. Parents can only do so much. And even if you tell them, they don't do anything but try to embarrass their kid. Punishing them in front of the whole school.

Humiliation. Insecurity. Depression. Lonesomeness. Those are reasons enough not to have children. No matter how hard you try to teach them right, the wrong will always be more tempting. Drinking's no longer fun if you're the right age. Smoking marijuana wouldn't be as exciting if it were legal.

Lastly, disappointment. Never being enough for your parents, let alone society. What is the point in all this? Everybody and everything dies. One hundred years from now, no one will remember you. Someone from the future might look you up, but they'll never know you.

Stories are all but rumors, trying to be real. Living in the moment is more beautiful than a picture. The memory is a beautiful but deadly thing. The good memories stay, but so do the bad. So much in the world a child shouldn't be exposed to.

Of course there are better parents than others, and no one is perfect. But look at him. He already fucked up with Marlena. In the shower with Palmer, she heard them together. She's only a child. That is scaring and he could beat himself. Temptation is a bitch.

Excuses. Everyone tries to cover everything will excuses. Everyone makes mistakes. Nobody's perfect. Okay, but we know better. Than to expose people to the bad. Then go on with another excuse. Well I had to work. If you can't afford to take care of a kid then why are you having one?

Why weren't you watching them? A kid can't help it. Can't understand that there are disgusting people out there, that want to touch them inappropriately. Clinton doesn't want to risk it. He'd rather be the selfish one and not have a kid. To protect them.

People are selfish. Well you're gonna be all alone if you don't have kids. What if your kids grow up to be millionaires? Fuck that. If all you care about is yourself, why the fuck have kids? People don't do anything, unless it benefits them.

Grudges. Something that's a no no. How the hell could you forgive someone that did so wrong to you. Oh but you're a survivor. Rather be dead. He watches Marlena, thinking about her situation. She wanted to kill herself.