Emo Trinity x Reader (Book 2)

Josh Dun x Reader - Feeling Something

Requested
Warnings: intentions and mentions of self-harm,
Word count: 1 538

It would not be the first time, and it would probably be not the fast time, you thought to yourself.

You were sitting on your bed, arms wrapped tightly around your knees that you had pulled up to your chest. But just because you had done it before, did not mean you did not know it was not normal, or right for that matter. Nobody should be okay with damage being done to their body, yet here you were, contemplating doing the damage to your body yourself. But then again how were you supposed to feel something, anything, if not through the pain and guilt a couple of cuts with these clean, shiny metal blades would cause?

Pressing your eyes shut tightly you turned your head and mind away from the little box with the tempting weapons that sat on your desk. Instead you reached for the phone next to you.

You did not want to hurt yourself, at least was that not the original desire. You wanted to feel something, but over time you had learned that the quickest way to achieve that were the cuts in your skin. But it was not the best way.

With shaking fingers you selected Josh's number, lifting the phone to your ear just in time for the first ring. A couple of seconds of impatient waiting later, Josh picked up.

"Hey there," he sounded cheerful, as so often when he talked to you, as if he was always happy to hear from you. But why would he be happy about that?

"Hey."

You could hear him stiffen up at the other end of the line.

"Want me to come over?"

This was not the first time he got a call like that from you. He was the only person, apart from your therapist, who knew about the cutting, and he was always ready to help you. Hell, he'd rather walk halfway across the earth than seeing you hurt.

You nodded on the other end of the line, and remembering he could not see, you croaked out a yes.

"Where are you? Home?"

Shuffling at the other end of the line. He seemed to be walking around, now he was putting on a jacket.

"Yes."

There was the jingling of keys, and the opening and closing of a door.

"I'll be there in five..." he paused shortly, the sound of steps in a stairwell sounding through the speaker, "want me to stay on the phone with you?"

For a moment you considered his offer.

"It's fine, see you in five," you decided, and you heard how Josh left the building, suddenly the noise of traffic surrounding him.

"I'll be as quick as I can," he promised, and hung up.

Not even five minutes later you heard the front door opening. You had known Josh for years, and it had only felt natural when you had given him the keys a couple of months ago, even though you were not dating or anything. Not that you would not have considered it, what it would be like to wrap your arms around him whenever you liked, being allowed to kiss him, even better, him kissing you, or how warm and soft and safe it would be to wake up with him by your side. But then again why would he want that with you. You were nothing, nothing compared to him. It was a miracle he was even showing any kind of interest in you.

A part of your mind, the part that had been taught to detect and warn you about these kinds of thoughts kicked in, and reminded you that you were worth a lot more than you thought, that you were a magnificent, unique human being and that Josh's affection was based on appreciation of exactly that. If you could only believe, truly believe and feel in your heart what the rational part of your brain told you!