Don't Cry (Trans!depressed Deku x Todoroki)

Almost

I got up and went through my usual morning routine. It is so hard to get up out of bed and face another miserable day. Before leaving for school, I once again decided to relieve myself from some emotional pain for a little bit by replacing it with physical pain and then bandaging it up again. I left my dorm and started on my way to school. Todoroki came up to me. We talked for a while and as usual, I pretended to be happy. Then I noticed Kacchan walking up to us. "HEY NERD! HEY ICY-HOT!" Bakugo yelled and stormed past us.
Typical Kacchan. As we walked to class I felt Todoroki gently hold my hand. I immediately felt my entire body heat up. I blushed a lot. Stop blushing! You're going to make more of a fool of yourself! I didn't pull my hand away though, I liked holding hands with Todoroki. It's hopeless, he will never like someone like you! I knew he would like me in the same way I liked him. He would probably distance himself from me. We arrived at school and sat down in our seats.
Today went by like everyother day, the only thing different was that Kacchan seemed to be back to his usual loud self and teased me a lot. Classes were long and tedious, and in between I would sometimes go to the bathroom to cry and cut. I only managed to eat a few small bites of my lunch. Todoroki, Uraka, Iida, and some of my classmates expressed concern for me. Even All Might and some of teachers asked if I was doing ok. No one would care if you died. They would be happy. I cried. I sent the school an email saying that I wouldn't be able to go to class for the next two days. My lame excuse was that I was feeling sick. I slowly walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I took out my blade and unbandaged my arms and legs. I began to cut.
Then I thought. I could just end it all right here and now. I wouldn't have to face tommorrow. No one would care, and I could finally be happy. I could finally be free from this hell. I made many cuts up and down my arms and then moved the blade to my wrists. I started to cut along my wrists vertically but stopped. My hand was shaking and I dropped the blade. I was too scared to finish it. I was bleeding pretty heavily and quickly bandaged myself up again. I cleaned up the bathroom and put the blade away, then ran to my bed and began to cry. I must've cried pretty loudly because I heard a knock at the door and a familiar voice ask, " Midoryia, are you ok?"
I rushed to pull my sleeves down, wipe my tears, and put on a fake smile. Then I opened the door to see Todoroki with a super concerned look on his face. " Oh, hi Todoroki. I'm fine." I responded smiling, but he didnt seem to buy it.
" Can I come in?" he asked.
" Oh, s-sure." I nervously said.
He walked in and we both sat down on my bed. " S-so, how have you been?" It was pretty obvious how nervous I was. I tried my best to appear to be happy and not seem so nervous.
He looked around then replied, " I'm ok. Midoryia, I getting really worried about you. You have bags under your eyes and you are barely eating at lunch, also you haven't been your normal cheery self lately." He looked at me and I was about to cry. I tried to hold back my tears, but I was too weak. They started falling down my cheeks and I couldn't contain myself. He hugged me tightly and I just cried onto his shoulder. We both kinda fell back onto the bed. I felt Todoroki pull me closer to him and I felt my heart pounding. It felt nice being so close to Todoroki.
I stopped crying and began to think that maybe he dose care. No he is just pitying you. He dose not really care. It was about 10:40 pm when Todoroki had to leave to go back to his dorm for the night. We both said goodnight to eachother and he left. I was sad that he had to leave, but thankful that he didn't seem to notice my bandages. I lie down in my bed. Todoroki took my mind off of things for a while, but now I'm starting to feel sad again. Then I remembered what I had almost done before Todoroki came over. I started crying again. I cry too much, but I can't help it.
Hopefully next time, I won't be such a coward. If I had just been able to end it then Todoroki wouldn't have had to waste his time with me and he could've been doing something better. I thought about trying again, but immediately got scared again. I couldn't sleep at all. I just kept staring at the sealing, just like last night. I need help, I know I do. I just can't bring myself to ask for it. Every time I get so anxious. Suicide is the only way. Everyone would be glad that I'm gone, especially Kacchan. Hopefully soon I will gain the courage to finally kill myself.

Hello again! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. As you can probably see, I'm not the best at writing long chapters.