Don't Cry (Trans!depressed Deku x Todoroki)

Discharged

        It was Thursday. I woke up and just laid there staring at the sealing, not wanting to get up and face another miserable day. Today I will finally get discharged. You should kill yourself as soon as you can! Your just a stupid, fake boy! I'm tired of having to deal with my own thoughts being against me. It's really hard having a body that fights to survive, with a mind that wants to die.
      Haru was still asleep so I took the time to quietly put on one of my binders. While staying here I have had to be really careful not to let my Haru or anyone other than the staff see my binders. I would wait for Haru to fall asleep, then I would take off my binder. Somehow I would always wake up before him, so I would put my binder on then. Being transgender is really tough. Why did I have to be this way, why couldn't have I been normal?
I laid back down and read some more manga. I'm at the part where Okami is going up against a really tough hunter nicknamed The Reaper, to try and save his younger sister and brother. He really is an admirable character. Despite everything, he always dose his best for the people he cares about. He ends up defeating The Reaper just barely, but he gets really injured. His resolve and determination are really incredible.
I put the manga back on my desk and got dressed. I was wearing a plain black shirt and some jeans. I brushed my teeth and walked out to the common room. Some of the others where there too. " Hey Midoryia, how ya doing?" Erin asked.
" Hi, I'm good. How are you?" I responded.
" I'm actually doing ok today. I'm not feeling as down on myself as I usually do." Erin smiled at me, and I gave a small little smile back.
" That's great!" I said.
I talked a bit with some of the other teens. Haru woke up and joined us in the common room. A nurse walked in, took our vitals, gave us all our meds, and let us know that it was time for breakfast and too start lining up to go to the cafeteria. We all got up from our seats and walked out to the hall to line up. Once we were all lined up and roll call was done, we all went down to the cafeteria. The food at the ward did not taste too bad, it was just that fact that eating made me feel terrible that got me. They would have one of the nurses sit with me and make sure I eat at least a few bites of food. They would have a nurse check on me frequently to make sure that I did not throw up my food. I hated that. I'm so fat, and I'll just become more fat if I digest anything.
      Today I had some eggs, sausage, and bacon. I immediately felt disgusted with myself when I took the first bite, but I had to keep eating. The nurse wouldn't let me leave until I ate a certain amount of food. Fatty! Your such a pig! After I was done, I just sat there waiting for them to say it was time to go back up to the ward.
      After a few minutes, they said it was time to go back up. I drowsily rose out of my chair and got in line. I was really tired and I felt sick after eating as much as I had too. When we got up to the ward, I went straight to my room and plopped down on the bed. I was really tempted to go into the bathroom and puke up all the food I ate, but if the nurses found out I would have to stay longer. So I just laid there thinking about how I couldn't wait to go home, about how I couldn't wait for the day when I could finally Rest In Peace. A nurse walked in my room.  " Hello Mr. Midoryia, how are you doing today." She asked.
" I'm doing just fine." I responded as I smiled at her.
" Good to hear! You should probably pack your things, your mom will be here in a few minutes." She said cheerfully as she walked out.
      I perked up a little when I heard that. Soon, I will be free from this place! I quickly packed my things, and then went into the bathroom to take a small break from binding. I slid my binder down to my stomach area and quickly covered my chest area with my shirt and looked away from the mirror. I hated having to take breaks from binding, but if I didn't it could lead to some issues down the road. I heared my roommate walk in and sit down on his bed. I stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes. Then I put my binder back on and adjusted it properly, then I walked out and sat on my bed. The nurse walked back in and said that my mom was waiting for me down in the lobby. " Bye Midoryia!" Haru spoke loudly.
" Bye Haru!" I waved and smiled at him.
     On the way out, I said goodbye to everyone else. Then the nurse took me down to the lobby. There I found my mom eagerly waiting for me. When she spotted me, she came over to me and hugged me tightly. I hugged back. She let go of me after a few seconds. " Hi Izuku! How are you ?" She excitedly said.
" I'm good mom." I smiled at her.
     It was nice too see her. Too bad I'm not gonna be here much longer. This time, rather than texting everyone, I'll just right a simple note. Just a simple goodbye. We walked over to the front desk and my mother signed a few documents. We then walked outside, and I was nearly blinded. It was so much brighter out here than it was in the ward. As we were getting into the car, my mom asked me, " So Izuku, are you excited to finally go home?"
" Yeah, definitely!" I responded.
" Any song requests?" She asked.
"Nah."
" Ok, is this satiation okay?" She asked as she turned on the radio.
" Yep." I said.
      The ride home was quiet except for the songs playing on the radio. When we got home, my mom and I grabbed my stuff and headed up to my room. We set everything down and then my mom walked back out to the kitchen. I walked over to my bathroom, locked the door, and went through the cabinets. After a few minuets of searching I finally found what I was looking for, my razor blade and bandages. I started cutting again. That's right little fake boy! Cut yourself. Jump off the roof tomorrow! "Ok" I whispered.
       I made six cuts on each leg, then bandaged myself up. I flushed the toilet and washed my hands. Then I walked back into my room and began to read some more manga. Invalid! Fake! No one really cares about your worthless ass! I started to silently cry a little. Tomorrow, I can finally be at peace. That thought calmed me down a little.