|2016|
o(^ ^)o
💘
The world was complex, I was looking for love. I used to be one of those people who didn’t believe or thought love was real, so I just fucked and left. But thats when you came in, that's when you changed my life into someone new. I found a new myself.
I was confused at first, like which one was really me. The one who was bad or the one who had puppy eyes and followed you around like some crazy creep, my friends even told me I acted strange around you.
We meet each other when we could, hanged out more and I slowly did realize that I was was somebody else.
Anyways I wanted to be the best for you, I wanted to protect you from this cruel world.
It was probably naturally because you were my world itself.
I become what you want, I changed everything for you even stopped hanging around my best friend just for you.
You would show me that gummy smile that reached your eyes, you would giggle and gosh it made me feel butterflies in my stomach. And I knew for sure I wanted to spend the rest of life with you. I knew for sure I liked you a lot. That i wanted your attention every second.
And maybe I loved you. Even if I never knew what love was.
We became good friends and my feeling grew stronger. We would cuddle at cold nights and as long as you embrace me you were my beginning and the end itself.
All of my wonder I finally had the answer too. I would stay up late just too see you snuggling against my chest I would stay up late just to watch sleep.
But It was all lies all lies in my own imagination and sometimes I wished i never meet you. Sometimes I wished we never happened never meet and never existed.
Maybe you were my truth and lie. Maybe I was your love and hate. Maybe your were my enemy and friend or heaven and hell, or sometimes even pride and suffering.
Day after day I would wake up
and dress up and think about you. And I hated myself for that.
I slowly become someone that you can love
I quit everything you hated that I ever enjoyed just for you.
The clothes you wore I hated or too much makeup I hated it just because you could draw anyone's attention but it still made me smile. Your laughter and happiness decide my own happiness. Sometimes I asked myself if I ever deserve to be loved by you or I ever deserve to love you. But all I knew was that we were only friends and friends only love each other as friends.
But still I would always try my best to be the best for you. We would show each other joy
You'd shine for no particular reason and still I held my confession.
I held on to myself because love makes a person go crazy, Yeah the determination of a madman, I substitute myself into the method that’s most like myself, I was a coward for not confronting my feeling but still I would give you the solutions to your problems, I would give my life for you just because you were my everything. Because of your presence, the night found new meaning and shined bright.
I was truly in love.
My eyes were telling me, my eyes that look at you I couldnt hide it, I was so obvious
My cheeks were telling me, they would get red because of you
How did this ever happen?
How did this come over me?
I was falling in love
And damn my love for you was hard.
When I looked back, I dated a lot. It may have seem normal but back then, but this time I was serious I was in love.
This love was so unique it couldn't be compare with before it couldn't compare with anyone else.
No matter how hard I tried no matter how much effort I would make, there’s one thing I can’t do and that's, that was not loving her.
What was she doing right now?
I would always be curious so I would call even if it was passed 11.
📱 texting . . . .
If you’re not doing much tomorrow
Wanna walk together with me?
If we get hungry, wanna get dinner with me?
You’re so slow,ㅋㅋㅋ let me just tell you
I like you so wanna make some time for me? As friends thought
So one day . . . . . after 2 years passed, I came to my senses and dared to say something.
I knew for sure there were hundreds of confessions without success and I felt so unconfident many times, I thought I could just go back practice in the mirror then I'll stupidly tell my self "I’ll confess this time for sure"
But it was pointless with no actions in the end. I couldn't even keep my head up in front of you. I was so in love with you, why are these words so hard?
I keep hesitating to say over and over again
Why was it so hard just to write a simple letter?
I kept writing and tearing it over and over again.
🖊
You may not feel the same way as I doI may never see you again after this, and
that’s what I’m afraid of, I didn't have the courage to tell you but with this letter let me
open my heart to you
I love you, for a very long time
I love you,
I love you so much that it will take me days
just to tell you how much I love you
And it's okay if you don't
It's okay
I promise we don't have to see each other, but I really love you.
All day long I wait for your reply
I keep writing and erasing to make sure
there were no mistake in my words.
I accidently said things that I didn't mean.
The dramatic lines that I practiced in front of the mirror were all forgotten when I stood in front of you, flustering me my hands hesitate to pass you the note. My heartbeat sound got louder, I was afraid you might hear it.
"You may not feel the same way as I do
I may never see you again after this, and
that’s what I’m afraid of, I didn't have the courage to tell you but with this letter let me
open my heart to you
I love you,
for a very long time
I love you,
I love you so much that it will take me days
just to tell you how much I love you
And it's okay if you don't
It's okay
I promise we don't have to see each other, but I really love you."
My heart beats were like a drum. My arms waited for the day to hug you tight. My calendar just waited for the day marked in red. My confession waited for my courage
Though I am and still a timid fool
I hoped the letter I wrote for countless nights
Deliver my sincerity.
