FACADE

Chapter 52

  Our eyes met and when I looked in his, I was stunned. His gaze was deep, like I had imagined and the hand that was awkwardly placed on my shoulders as a n attempt to comfort me stopped. We both stared at each other, silently communicating with our eyes and for once, I felt connected. Like I just wanted to let everything go and dissappear in his embrace.

   I knew I was already trapped in his world and the most I could do right now is try not to fall too deep. He handed me a couple of handkerchiefs, which I used to wipe my tears and blew my nose before awkwardly throwing it in the glove compartment. I suddenly felt embarrassed, that he saw me at that state, when I was the most weak and vulnerable.

   I looked outside and took in the view. We were parked in a corner of the road, from there, I was able to watch the busy cars go back and forth to their destinations and I fell deep in my imaginations. Heaving a heavy sigh, I turned to him an noticed that he was still looking at me. I didn't try to avoid his gaze and instead smiled.

   “Edward, do you know what I hate the most about you?” He didn't seem disturbed by my question and instead shot me a smile.

   “Am positive that there is almost nothing you hate about me” He smirked as he played with the pendant on his neck. My attention was brought to it and I watched as it dangled under his commands.

   “What I hate the most about you is that whenever I am with you, I want to put my guard down, to let everything go and just confide in you. How could you make me feel that? I do not want to find a sense of peace in anybody, especially not you. Edward I am changing and I hate it. Am a bad person Edward and I will always be that. Edward” the words I was about to say got caught in my throat and I smiled awkwardly to stop myself from breaking down.

   I really hated this definition of me that life gave. I am a bad person, that is why bad things always happen to me. Sometimes I would get so tired that I wanted to drown, in my pain, memories, sadness, loneliness, insecurities, everything just everything. I do not want anybody to check on me, I don't want to feel cared for me because it only makes me feel like the broken version of myself that I really am and I hated that.

   “Yes. You are a bad person Cather. A really bad one at that. You know there are a lot of kids on the streets who want the life of luxury you are living yet you wouldn't give up on your life for them and sleep on the streets. A lot of people want that dress you are wearing yet you wouldn't hand it to them ans walk naked, a lot of people want a lot of things from them yet you wouldn't give up on it and exchange your life for them. So tell me are you not a bad person? Am I not a bad person? Is everyone not a bad person? But you know something about a bad person? It is that they do not give up till they acquire their goals. Toll they kill that certain person they want to, they will deficat all their energy, even to their last breath so tell me, why are you not like that? Why do you give up on things so easily? You know I saw something online, everyone is bad, just chose that bad version you want and live it”

  I was touched when he finished his explanation that I started d crying again. I was a loseer. I really was.

....

   Thirty five minutes had passed since we were in this position but it felt like forever. His fingers entwined with mine and both of us looking out through the windshield. We were focused on the hustles and bristles of the city.

   “Look at the cars Cat, life is just like that.”

  I smiled but the expression of my face suddenly turned sour when my stomach grumbled loudly. Embarrassed, my cheeks turned beet red and I smiled awkwardly.

   “What is that sound?” Edward teased as he smirked and I rolled my eyes at his snide comment. Of course he had to ruin the mood.

As much as I would love to ignore him, I couldn't bring myself to as my stomach kept grumbling and I wanted to propose dropping by a nearby restaurant when he beat me to it

   Surprisingly, he opened his glove compartment and brought out about five set of bento boxes. The aroma of the food gushed out as soon as it was opened and my mouth watered. Kicking my lips hungrily, I leaned in to take a good look and was wowed by the delocasies.

  Seafood, shrimp, lobsters my absolute favorite. I looked up and stared at him with a reading look and he shrugged before wiling the cutkefies with a tissue before handing it over to me. Grateful, I muttered my thanks before collecting it from him.

   Shamelessly, I pretended to put off a tough front despite haa Ving accepted it.

   “Noo, it's for you. I'll feel bad eating Ig all” I said as I opened the cover rs and dipped my spoon in it. As soon as I chewed in the crispy lvster, I knew the person who made it was a chef and showed a thumbs I befkr