Not Into Her

XXX - The Life Onwards: Moving On Is Like Forever

That very day, I managed myself to keep distant from the people around me. For the past two years, I haven't felt this feeling until today. This was the very same feeling I felt when Aprielle rejected my love on her and instead she found love to a guy at her right mind. But this was almost not that same feeling. This time, it's Holly. She took me by a surprise, like a snap, and not what Aprielle did to me.

The next following months are the most painful of all. I didn't go to school or walk out from the house just to be sure that I was still protected by Holly's love. I just took a drive on my bike to the nearest store and bought some supplies suitable for the next months. I planned of not going out on this boring world of me and never thought of returning to school after what happened to Holly.

I feel like it's my fault why Holly became dead now and I didn't forgive myself of what happened to her. She's my angel, my light and my forever inspiration of my daily life and that inspiration has been erased and crashed by a single bug loser than me. So I have to get in my life on shape before I go back to the lifestyle I knew.

Three weeks after the incident and Holly's burial, I looked at my mirror and noticed the long beard facing on that jerk at the mirror. So I cut the beard and moustache from my face and some of my long hair with a scissor. I finished cutting my moustache with a squirt of shaving cream and a razor that I bought from a nearby shop.

And in the following days of my vacation, I built a wooden mechanical martial art practice dummy inside my apartment for my improvement in getting my dream. I practiced kung-fu styles and some karate with kicking on the dummy for three days and mastered the styles in just one month. I practiced how to evade punches and kicks, evading some kung-fu weapons and watched Jackie Chan on his funny and cocky stunts before mastering them with my dummy.

I also walked to the gym with my hands wrapped with bandages, from the bottom of my fingers to the middle part of my upper arms. I practiced boxing with the gym's punching bag and also practiced kicking styles. And when I practiced these styles, I decided to master it on my apartment. So I bought a red punching bag from a sports gear shop and hung it on the veranda with a steel pole five feet above my height.

Everyday I practiced myself in these styles of karate, kung fu, tai chi, kickboxing and mixed martial arts on my apartment. I also gone to the gym to curve up my abs and done it five times a week, for almost four hours each day. And after the hardwork and the pain from Holly's death and on my emotional aspect,  I became a changed man.

I also decided not to go with my Aunt Brenda's house for a bit and not seeing them for a while. I decided to see them after I got myself back again from my lose on Holly's death. I walked to the mirror and noticed I was still using the same eyeglasses I've been using since i was a kid. I need to get rid of this thing and wear something new.

I head to an ophthalmologist and had my eyes examined.

"Can I use contacts instead of eyeglasses, Dr. Linings?" I asked the female ophthalmologist.

She looked at me and smiled. "Yes, sure." she replied. "But for a limited time only. For about six hours in a day."

"Thanks, ma'am." I said at the ophthalmologist.

So I walked to the nearest department store and bought three sets of colored contact lenses. Then I tried them on and immediately head back to the apartment and faced again at the mirror for the last time. Then I saw my hair are still long so I trimmed it down until it looked so fancy and very bouncy, with the tip is almost on the shoulder.

I also have myself been internalized by my own self with some yoga and some meditation, just to control myself from my inner self. The meditation, the breathing-slowly thing and the curving up my body are the only things I do for today. Though it's hard to achieve these goals, I definitely pursued myself for the moving-on stage from Holly's death. This are the only ways I did after sitting on that same couch chair, looking and panting and eating myself up after her death.