Words I Didn't Say / cb

11

"Does mom and dad know you're here?" Porter asked as we walked in. "No, I decided to come surprise everyone." I was feeling super tired honestly.

Probably the jetleg. "We can surprise them in the morning." He said as he walked into his room.

I put my stuff in my room and then went into my brothers.

"How long you staying?" He plopped down on his bed. His room was decorated in his favorite basketball teams colors. His favorite team is the Miami heat so it's red.

We had his door closed so our parents wouldn't see me. He started his movie again as I sat down in his office chair.

"Where's Colby?" He asked scrolling through his phone. "We actually broke up." He sat up so he could look at me.

"You're lying, right?" He asked as I shake my head no. "I'll fly to la with you so I can whoop his ass." I love how protective my brother is.

I shake my head no a I laugh a little. We hang out for a little bit but I ended up going to bed cause of the jetlag.

I wake up to the smell of food and laughter from my parents. I get up and slowly open the door. I make sure the coast is clear before I run into Porters room.

He was still asleep so I wasn't surprised. I take his pillow and hit him in the face with it.

He groaned as he looked at me. "What, bitch?" Porter asked in a raspy voice.

"How're we gonna surprise mom and dad?" I ask as he sits up. "Fuck if I know." That's the thing about Porter, he's cranky when he gets up.

I heard a knock on the door causing him to look at me with wide eyes. "Who're you talking to?" My mom asked as he looked at me.

"What do I say?" He whispered as I shrugged. "Uh, I'm on facetime with someone!" He made up as I felt better.

"Well, okay. Breakfast is ready so come and eat." She said from the other side of the door. "Okay. I'll be out there in a second." He told her as I heard footsteps walk away.

"You should go in there and start eating without saying anything." He laughed as I did the same. "You walk out there first and sit on the couch with dad." I say as he agrees.

He walks out, leaving the door open, as I waited. "Boys come on, lets eat." I heard my mom say. After she said that, I stood up and walked into the living room.

I looked at my dad as he was looking at me strangely. I sat down where my mom made a plate for my brother. They hadn't said anything yet.

I start eating as I look up at them. "Are you gonna eat?" I ask as they all smile. We all started laughing as I got up to hug them.

"When'd you come?" My mom asked as I hugged her. "I got in around eleven thirty last night." I say as me and my mom break the hug.

"I'm glad you're here and safe." My dad said as I hugged him. "Okay, are we gonna eat or no?" Porter asked making us all laugh.

We all ate and it felt really good honestly to be here with them. "I think I'm gonna see Brandon today." I say out loud.

"That could be good sweetie." My mom said as she cleaned everything up. I decided to go so I put my clothes on to leave.

"Porter, I'm taking your car." I get his keys and walk outside. I drive the familiar roads to the cemetery.

When I get to his grave, I got out and sat in front of it. "Hey, Brandon. I came here by myself this time." I talk to him as if he was here.

"Can you believe that? I actually flew here by myself." I wish he was really here so I could tell him things.

I would give up so much, just to see him for one day. I have so much to tell him, if he was here. "I broke up with Colby. I was terrified afterwards." It's like I could feel him here.

I felt like I could tear up a little bit as I got to thinking. "I think the thing I'm most afraid of is forgetting you." My voice was shaking as I spoke.

"And the thing I'm second most afraid of is that I won't be able to let you go." It's true. I know that there's a part of me that doesn't wanna forget about him.

And I know I won't be able to let him go. I was with Brandon for a while. And it honestly made me feel better to visit him.

"Bye, Brandon." I say as I stand up. "I love you." When I walked away, I felt refreshed for some reason and I couldn't explain why.

When I got into my car, my phone started ringing. I look down at it to see it was Finn. I quickly wipe my tears as I pick it up.

"Hey, what's up?" I ask keeping my voice steady. "Just checking to see if you're okay." His voice said on the other line.

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. How are you?" I ask changing the subject. I didn't like it when Finn was worried about me.

It always made me feel bad for some reason. "I'm good, you sure you're okay?" He double checked as I sighed.

"I'm sure I'm okay." I look around at all the gravestones, finally starting my car. Technically Porter's car.

I talked to Finn the whole ride home, which was good. I hung out with my parents for the rest of the day and it honestly made me feel mentally better.

I couldn't sleep that night though. Too many thoughts running thoughts my head. I just wanna call Colby because he would know what to say.

I just want to go back in time when everything felt normal.