Violently Silent : Poetry

"The Gifted Metal Bible"

This morning

I reached for my Bible

My gifted metal Bible

I needed answers

I flipped through the pages

And wondered where I went wrong

I could feel God's disappointed gaze

But I didn't understand

I wondered if God would approve

Of who I have become

Was I the sacrifice that took

Everyone's pain and suffering?

For a long time I resented God

He created me, and then tortured me

Left me on my own

And told me to have faith

I had faith

In the fact that

I hated God

There was no going back for me

My faith shrunk when I prayed to God

Every day in 7th

When kids destroyed me

It was like God stood me up

When I was being told

Conversion therapy was my last chance

I was gifted that metal bible

And a bitterness inside me grew

I never was one to hate

But there I was

Hating myself and the ones

Who tried to change me

But today something changed

I reached for that bible

And I knew what I was doing

I was forgiving

God gave me help in every situation

Yet I didn't take it

He gave me the strength to survive

I just didn't notice

When I attempted suicide

He wouldn't let me die

Kept telling me it wasn't my time

I didn't want to believe the man

I don't remember how to pray

But I remember how to believe in things

I have faith that I will find the answer I need someday

I have faith in God, again

Or at least in a gifted metal bible.