Mutual

Chapter twenty seven

It's the day before we go home. Christmas had been and gone - shittest Christmas ever might I add - and so had New Years. Today's the fourth of January. Kathryn and I have scheduled to go home today and the boys went back yesterday. I'm lowkey dreading it as I drive over to pick up  Kathryn. I've been dreading it for the past two weeks. I've had no contact with Jack, Andy or Brooklyn. I take the silence from Brook as that Andy told him. I don't know what I'm going to do. The whole situation is a mess. My mum and Thomas tried their best to cheer me up but to no avail. I feel bad for making their Christmas really depressing. On the twenty-fifth, I got up at one, gave out presents, ate a pig in blanket and went back to bed. I still haven't opened my presents from anyone. They're all in the boot of my car. I didn't want anyone to think I am ungrateful if I opened them and didn't smile. Every day I spent the whole day in bed, or watching sad films with my family. I didn't speak, I didn't eat, I didn't cry. I was so numb I felt no emotion. On New Year's Eve I set an alarm to wake up at 11:59, sent a text to my family, Kathryn, Sonny and Rye, before falling straight back to sleep. I got up this morning, passed pleasantries with my family and got into my car. As soon as I get back I'm going to bed. I don't want to see anyone.

I drive back into my driveway and Kathryn goes to unlock the door.

Kathryn: "Uuh, Y/N?"
Me: "Yeah?"
Kathryn: "We forgot to call up the guy to take the key out of the lock. We'll have to stay at the boy's house."
Me: "I'll book a hotel."
Kathryn: "I hate hotels."
Me: "You stay with the boys, I'll stay in a hotel."
Kathryn: "I'm not leaving you alone."
Me: "Don't worry about me."
Kathryn: "Don't worry about you? Are you fucking mental? I've been treading on eggshells for two weeks now! You sleep all the time, haven't eaten a single thing and don't talk to anyone anymore. How the fuck am I not meant to worry about you when you are literally wasting away in front of my eyes! I'm worried sick about you! It really upsets me seeing you like this. You need to speak to all three of them."
Me: "They don't wanna talk to me."
Kathryn: "I don't care, make them talk! You did fuck all wrong!"
Me: "I did everything wrong! I messed up big time, Kathryn..."
Kathryn: "How can I make you see that it wasn't your fault! It was all Jack's fault!"
Voice: "What was all Jack's fault?" We spin around to be met by Rye and an older man.
Kathryn: "Why are you here? And he's not told you, has he? Neither has Andy or Brooklyn?"
Rye: "I was speaking to this guy that lives down the road from me and he said he can take the key our for you, free of charge but you'll have to go and get new keys cut. I didn't think you'd be back yet and wanted to surprise you. That's the door, Tony." He says, pointing. "And no...? The house is full of tension but I didn't know what had gone off. In fact, I don't eve think I've seen Brook at all. He got there before me and has been locked in his room the entire time."
Me: "Basically, Jack told me he liked me, no, loved me. He tried to kiss me and Andy saw but I moved away and he kissed my cheek instead and Andy told Brook I cheated on him."
Rye: "Why would Andy lie to Brook? And I'm guessing he's not spoken to you, you look awful. No offence."
Me: "He didn't, well, he stormed out before he saw my turn my head and push Jack away but he told me he saw enough to know I cheated on Brook then he said either I tell him or he will. And he did."
Rye: "I'll have a word with Andy."
Me: "Please don't. He hates me, I don't want him to hate me more for 'feeding you false information and making Jack seem like the bad guy'."
Tony: "It's out. I'll see you later."
Rye: "Thanks, mate. And Y/N, if you won't let me talk to him, then I think you should talk to him. You don't have to deal with Jack and brook yet. Start with Andy and take baby steps. Come back to the house with me."
Me: "But what if Brook sees me?"
Rye: "He won't. He's refusing to leave his room or see anyone. We had to leave a tray off food outside his door to get him to eat."
Me: "Okay, I'll try."

We walk to the RoadTrip house, Kathryn holding my hand and staying close. I know she's trying to comfort me but I can feel her excitement about seeing Sonny radiating off of her. She races into the house as soon as we get there, and when Sonny sees her he picks her up and twirls her round.

Sonny: "I'm so glad you're here now! We could definitely do with your energy in this house." He spots me and hugs me. "How are you? Good Christmas? Brook's sulking in his room if you want him."
Me: "Not really." I can't lie to him. "And I'm not here for Brook. I've come to see Andy." His expression changes within an instant.
Sonny: "Oh."
Me: "Kathryn, you can tell him."

I don't even wait for their reaction as I walk off towards the Randy bedroom. I knock on the door and hear a gruff 'come in'.

Me: "It's me." I open the door and step into the room, closing it again behind me.
Andy: "You've got some nerve coming here, you know."
Me: "I came to explain everything to you, I just want you to listen. Nothing more."
Andy: "You've got five minutes."

I don't feel comfortable sitting down next to him so I stay standing, awkwardly. I explain the whole situation, in explicit detail. Andy just sits there in silence, not letting me see his reaction to my confession.

Andy: "How do I know you aren't lying?"
Me: "I don't know how I'm supposed to prove it, unless you talk to Jack. We've been friends for years, Andy. I've had your back through worse shit than this. You owe it to me to at least try and believe me." For the first time in two weeks, my eyes start to blur. Andy softens immediately and pulls me down next to him, embracing me.
Andy: "I'd say I forgive you, but you haven't actually done anything wrong. I'm very sorry."
Me: "Why are you sorry?" I say as the tears spill.
Andy: "Because I didn't believe you, didn't trust you when I should have. To put the cherry on the cake I even went and told Brook, even though deep down, I knew you hadn't done it. I just saw red when I see you and couldn't see reason. I'm so sorry, Y/N."
Me: "You knew I hadn't done it?"
Andy: "Well, I knew you didn't do it, but I didn't know you hadnt done it. If that makes sense?"
Me: "It does, but why did you have to tell Brook then?"
Andy: "I have no reason. I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?"
Me: "Forgiven, not forgotten."
Andy: "I understand. Are you going to talk to Brook?"
Me: "I am, but not yet. I need some more time. It took a lot out of me coming to talk to you."
Andy: "I'm glad you did. Can I ask how you've been? You look so run down and miserable."
Me: "At least I look better than I feel."
Andy: "I'm so sorry Y/N."
Me: "Don't keep apologising. Please. And no, I was going to say I haven't been coping well, but that would be a lie. I haven't been coping full stop. Haven't eaten, slept the whole two weeks. Didn't utter more than three words to my own mother who I haven't see in weeks. God, I haven't even opened my presents. I'm a mess. I've been so numb it's unreal."
Andy: "I'm sor-"
Me: "Don't. It's okay. It'll work out. I'm gonna go home now."
Andy: "Okay. Text me if you need anything."
Me: "I will do. I think Kathryn might be staying here for a bit."
Andy: "Okay."

I leave the room and quietly shut the door behind me. I wave to Rye, Sonny and Kathryn, mouthing that I'm going home.

Brooklyn: "What the fuck are you doing here? Get out of my house, you aren't welcome here anymore. Not since you cheated on me. Get the fuck out of my life."

I stare wide eyed at the man I had grown to love. He looks so lost. Bags under his eyes, hair sticking up in places I didn't know it could, unshaven. What have I done to him?

Jack: "Mate, she didn't cheat on you."
Brooklyn: "You don't get the right to call me mate anymore. I told you I would be civil to you whilst we're in the same band, but you lost our friendship. Y/N, you need to leave."

I nod and walk out the door. I dont cry until I get into my own bed, and I cry until it gets dark out. I cry until I can't anymore. I cry until I fall asleep. Only one things on my mind. I love and miss that boy with all of my heart, all of my soul and all of my life. He's my world and j will do anything, anything, to get him back.