Mutual

Chapter eleven

I roll over, drinking in the sunlight. I extend my arm reaching out for Brooklyn, knowing he slept here last night. That's funny... My hand repeatedly taps the bare mattress. Was last night a dream? I open my eyes properly and sit up. Reaching for my phone to check the time, my eyes dart about the room. No sign that Brook was ever here. My phone says it's just past eight. I swing my legs out of bed before grabbing my dressing gown. I wrap myself up tightly as it's quite cold today. That's when I hear the voices in the living room. Confused, I head out.

There are six people sat in the room, three on the sofa, one in the armchair and two on the floor. Kathryn, who's in the single chair looks up and smiles at me. Did I just imagine that?
"Look, I know you still technically live here but can't you hang out with your mates in their house. Why have you gone out of your way to drag yourself over here when you're all already over there?"
"If we'd all stayed over there, then we wouldn't have been with you." Kathryn replied ith a warm smile.
"What?" I look at Andy, who was sat cross-legged on the floor, in confusion.
"We all need to speak to you, and we knew that you wouldn't have agreed to come over to us so we came to you."
"I need a minute." My throat started to burn and my breathing sped up. I walk out of the room but am closely followed by Andy who knew what was happening.

Arriving in my bedroom, I throw myself onto the bed trying to breathe and curling up into a ball. Andy gives me his inhaler and tells me to puff on it, that it may help. I do as he says and it does help, just a bit. He moves closer and wraps his arms around me, whispering words of encouragement. The panic attack passes after a few minutes, and I become so overwhelmed I start to cry. Again. Why am I always crying? Pathetic. Weak. Irrelevant. I pull Andy closer and bury my face into his chest, trying not so hard to stifle my sobs.

"Why are you helping me?"
"Because I know what it feels like."
"Why are you here?"
"Because I care."
"You didn't the other day when I needed you."
"Oh Hannah... I didn't know you needed me. Why didn't you say?"
"I was gonna tell you yesterday but then you cancelled the plans. You cancelled the plans four days in a row."
"Oh."
"What was so important that you had to ditch me then?"
"Nothing."
"What do you mean, nothing?"
Andy sighs. "Every time we were gonna meet up, Kathryn always convinced us we had something else to do when really, she was tryna keep us away from you. Brook thought he lost his phone when really, Kathryn took it so he couldn't contact you. He came over multiple times though but you were never in when he did."
"Why did Kathryn do that?"
"I don't know. You'll have to talk to her. I truly am sorry."
 "I thought I'd lost you. All of you." Andy pulls me into a hug.
"Of course not. I think you both need to speak to each other. Sooner rather than later."
"Okay. I'm sick of the drama."
"Me too. I'll send her in."
Andy leaves before being replaced by Kathryn. She tries to hug me but I flinch away.
"Start explaining, and don't stop until I'm satisfied with your answer."
"Okay. I'll start from the beginning. I really liked Sonny and wanted to spend as much time as possible with him. I knew you were quite close with him so I was worried you'd stop me seeing him. When you came into the kitchen the other day and told me we were going home, I thought it was because you were trying to pull us apart. I know what I did was petty. I tried to get the boys away from you as much as possible because I was jealous of your relationship with them. I wanted that. I didn't realise what I was doing was hurting every single one of you, until I had an argument with Sonny. He made me understand that I was pushing you away from everyone and he didn't like that. I just wanted what you had with the boys and I thought you'd ruin it. I know this isn't a good enough reason for treating you the way I did but I am truly sorry and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."
"Wow. You could have had a great friendship with the boys with me there, I wasn't stopping you."
"I know that now. If it's okay, I'd like to move back in with you? I really do miss you."
"You can. I forgive you even though you sent me to my lowest point."
"Thank you so much. I don't know how you forgive so easily, if it were the other way round I'd be so fucking mad at you."
"Well. Some secrets are meant to be left untold. But it's forgiven not forgotten."
We hug before returning to the boys to catch up.

~~~

A/N

Sorry about the short chapter.  Not a fan of this chapter but needed you and Kathryn to be friends again.

Love and peace - Hannah x

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