SPN Theories

Theory 18

Sam and Dean were driving around the country, hunting monsters, head back to Lebanon, Kansas to the men of letters bunker there. Dean was excited to shower, get some sleep and read his book. Dean was into reading but hunting always made him not be able to read any books.

Dean was big into fiction books, letting him escape his horrible world of hunting monsters, seeing people die, reading was Dean's escape.

As Dean was getting older, he would hide the books he was reading from John, John feared that reading would make Dean want to quit hunting and to try to write and live a normal life.

One night, Dean and Sam were on a hunt, John found all of Dean's books, he then decided to get rid of them, he gave them to thrift stores. Just as John was about to grab the last book, he saw a journal, he grabbed it then began to read it.

As John was reading, every word was a stab to his heart. Dean was writing about Mary's death, John taking him and Sam across the country hunting different monsters.

One part made John feel like Dean stabbed him in the heart.

December 13, 1996

I want to go to Lawrence for christmas to see mom. Dad won't allow it I just know it. I wanna go see Mom for christmas, I wish I had my family back, back in Lawrence.

I want us to be around a christmas tree, listening to happy music. Dad won't let it happen. After mom died Dad just shut down. He didn't seem to care that him taking Sammy and I across the country to hunt monsters, not caring that we might get killed.

I want to see my mom again, but Dad is almost scared to go back almost. I don't know why he's so scared to go to Lawrence.

John didn't know what to do, what to think. He didn't know that's how Dean felt.

Dean and Sam came back from their hunt, when Dean walked in, he saw John reading his journal. Dean was furious, he grabbed the journal from John.

Dean: CAN'T ANYTHING BE PRIVATE?

John: Dean, I'm sorry I didn't mean to...

Dean: To what?! Invade my privacy?!

John: Dean, I didn't want you to get trapped in those books, that's why I got rid of them then I saw this journal.
Dean: You...You gave away my books?!

John: Dean...

Dean:MOM GAVE ME THOSE BOOKS!

Before John could say anything, Dean ran to the stores to see where John gave the books away, Dean then went to the thrift store where John gave the books away, Dean found them and got them all back. Dean then opened the book he was reading, there was a letter from Mary and Dean read it.

Dean, my sweet boy. I want you to read, don't ever want you to give up. I want you to keep reading, maybe start writing. Nothing is wrong with reading or writing, write down how you feel, express yourself.

Reading doesn't make you less smart Dean, it will make you smarter, more intelligent. You'll always be my smart little boy.

Don't ever think of yourself as an idiot Dean. Don't think so low of yourself, I know one day you'll go to a great university or college. I know you'll live a great life. 

Dean then left with all the books John got rid of, Dean didn't want anyone to know that Mary wrote letters for him and put them in his books. It would give Dean some hope because he always thought that he wasn't smart enough or good enough. Mary always was the one who made Dean realized that he was worth something and that he was special.

A Couple Days Later

John was packing, there he saw a letter that fell from one of Dean's books, he picked it up and he began to feel his heart race.

Dean, I know you wanted to ask how your dad and I met, Well he just came home from being in the military. He just smiled at me and I felt for him. I know, I know you may think that's cheesy but it was amazing.

When we got married and found out we were expecting you, I always read to you. I wanted you to know that you could do anything you put your mind too. I even told the same to your dad.

The day when you were born Dean, it was amazing. You were so small, so perfect. Your dad and I read to you so much that you could get the concept. When you were growing up, I would read to you and when I was expecting your brother Sam, I even read to him like I did for you.

When Sam was born, your dad was so happy, you were so happy to because you wanted a brother and you got your wish.

I always want you to keep reading, don't stop reading Dean.

I'll always believe in you, even when I'm not with you on this Earth.

I'll always love you and Sam and your father.

Mom xoxo

John kept the letter with him, as him, Dean and Sam drove from State to State hunting, John would read the letter over and over whenever he felt alone, upset or needed to get a break from reading lore.

John: I'm so sorry Mary, I didn't mean to do this to our boys.

As Dean was reading his books, he didn't know was, Mary was watching him as a spirit and she was smiling as he read. There Mary saw the letters in a pile and she couldn't help but smile.

Mary: I'll be watching over you boys. I love you all.

Dean then looked up, looking around, he heard his mom's voice. He then shrugged thinking it was his imagination.

As Dean finished reading his book, he saw a little card and it was from John.

Dean, I'm so sorry for putting you and Sam through this horrible life. I wanted you to not leave me like your mother did. I was ashamed of the fight that him and I had because I didn't want him to leave either but I know that he wants to live a normal life, get out while he can.

Dean, I was angry you dropped out of high school, but I get it, us moving from state to state, hunting, staying for weeks, maybe even months, you not being able to stay in school for more than a year.

I'm proud of you son, you are capable of doing anything.

Dad.