When Both Our Cars Collide (Frerard)

13: I'm empty when you go

Frank's POV

I kept hoping that any moment now, I was going to wake up and find myself in Gerard's room cuddled against his chest, and these last few hours would all be some horrible nightmare. This just couldn't be real...if I accepted it, then I would fall apart completely.

Not that I wasn't already a wreck...but even though I was now curled up in an uncomfortable chair in the hospital waiting room, it still hadn't fully hit me yet, and I was dreading the moment that my brain finally realized the truth.

I had to call Mikey of course...I am surprised that he understood me over my choking sobs, but I had managed to explain to him what had happened. I was waiting for his mom to pick him up, and then they were going to join me in my vigil at the hospital.

I wanted company, but at the same time I didn't want to deal with anyone right now. Gerard was potentially dying, and it was all my fault...how was I supposed to look his brother in the eye after that...

I had pestered the doctors and nurses endlessly, but all they could tell me right now was that Gerard was still unstable, and they would inform me when the situation changed...for better or for worse.

He had to pull through...he just had to. The thought of losing him caused me to shudder violently and sink even deeper into my cloud of misery. He couldn't die...not like this.

"Frank?" Mikey's voice cut through my grim thoughts, and I launched myself out of the hospital chair straight into his arms.

"Oh Mikey!" I wailed as his skinny limbs clutched me tightly. I lost complete control of myself and began crying into his shirt brokenly.

"It's going to be okay Frank. He will pull through this - I know he will." Mikey's words were laced with sorrow, and I knew he was just as terrified as I was, he was just holding himself together better.

"It's all my fault..." I whispered to myself, but Mikey still heard me.

"Frank - this isn't anyone's fault. Gerard has been having problems for a while, and you can't blame yourself. It doesn't help anyone."

"You don't understand...he did it because of me..." I shifted guiltily from foot to foot, waiting for Mikey to lash out at me in anger. I almost wanted him to, I felt like I deserved it, but he just maintained his usual poker face.

"What do you mean Frank?"

"I was talking to a friend of mine after school, and she kissed me out of nowhere...Gerard saw us, and that's why he did this...I was coming home to explain it to him, but I was too late. If I had been quicker, I could have stopped him..."

"Frank look at me." I reluctantly lifted my head to meet Mikey's eyes.

"You didn't do this. I know you love Gerard, and you would never intentionally hurt him, so please don't blame yourself." I nodded sadly, and he cracked a small smile.

I didn't know what else to say, so we sat next to each other in silence for what seemed an endless amount of a time until a friendly looking doctor with choppy black hair - and was that a hint of eyeliner - approached us from the direction they had taken Gerard in.

"Family of Gerard Way?"

"That's us," Donna spoke up for the first time all afternoon.

"Well - we have some good news. We managed to stabilize Gerard, and he should be all right." My heart soared at his words. Gerard was going to be okay!

"The bad news is that he still hasn't awoken. His body was put under a tremendous amount of stress, so we can't say for sure how long he will be out. It could be a few more hours, or it could end up being much longer. We just have to wait and see." My spirits plummeted back down again when I realized that I wouldn't be able to apologize to Gerard for quite some time.