psychosis | soonhoon

32

the wind feels a little different tonight. there at the balcony sat soonyoung, deep in thought. they were leaving tonight. to him, everything feels just like a dream. from the start til now, everything just seems like a blur. but he only has memories of jihoon.

"soonyoung-ah" jihoon calls out as he enters the balcony.

"i've been looking everywhere for you. i thought you actually ran away." the shorter says, laughing a little. he sits down on the floor beside soonyoung, who was staring at the dark sky.

soonyoung just hums as he closes his eyes, embracing the cold wind. jihoon looks at his boyfriend endearingly. he watches how his boyfriend closes his eyes. how the wind push the others hair back, exposing his forehead. how his skin glows under the moonlight. how the others lips are lightly parted. jihoon thinks that his boyfriend is the most beautiful being that has ever existed. he can't wait until he goes back home with soonyoung. he can't wait to do so much more with soonyoung. visit places, live well, live without much worries, live in the real world with the real people in their lives. he also can't wait to kiss soonyoung without any worries again, he also can't wait to-

"jihoon-ah"

jihoon snaps out of his train of thought and swallows. his thoughts were a little intense at the moment. he looks away. he needed to calm down a little before soonyoung realises that his heart wasn't about to out of his chest. the thought of getting out of here excited jihoon so much that he got nervous too, thinking about their future together.

"you good? you didn't answer my question." soonyoung says, bending forward to have a closer look at jihoon who was still looking away.

"oh- i'm sorry i didn't hear what the question was.." jihoon was even more embarrassed now, he was ready to throw himself off the balcony.

"ha, that's ok. i know what you were thinking about anyway."

"what-"

"so, my question was.. you said what happens in this world has happened in reality before. so we are basically reliving our old days, right? and we don't remember our decisions and things that happened in reality, right?"

so this is what he was thinking about up here in the balcony, again. he heaves a big sigh, "right."

"there are a few things that i still am unclear about.. how do you know all of this? aren't you supposed to not remember too then? why are you the only one that knew everything? and how come you're the only one coming back for me? do the others hate me? who was i? what-"

"please let me answer these one by one, young-ah. i'm not a robot." jihoon cuts the other off, looking at the other. soonyoung stays quiet, waiting for his boyfriend to speak again.

"ok, listen. i think i've said this enough times already but yes, i'm the only one able to know all of this and be aware while having some memories of what happened in reality because there is something wrong with me.. my character in this world, isn't fully functional or something, like all of you. something is different with the machine thing i put on my head everytime i come back here. my helmet makes me ...glitch? sometimes i get pulled back to the real world again. the timelines get messed up sometimes and some people don't even recall seeing me or knowing i exist. if you don't see someone in this world for some time.. you'll start to forget their entire existence."

"oh." soonyoung realised he shouldn't have asked so many questions. it was hard to even take in this information.

he swallows, preparing for another long answer "why don't you just change machines?"

soonyoung is met with a sigh,

"they wouldn't connect. my brain wouldn't sync with them. i've tried."

-

"hyung.. oh my god. you're finally out! i thought i was the only one that woke up! i'm scared."

"ugh.. my head.." jihoon opens his eyes to see chan relieved but still mildly panicking above him.

"chan? why are you here? aren't you supposed to-" jihoon sits up and looks to the side of the room to see chans helmet detached from the machine everybody was connected to. he looks over at all the other members still lying down, asleep with their helmets on.

jihoon sits there for a moment, thinking. he was trying to collect his thoughts. leaving the other world and coming back into the real world would make one dizzy for the first few minutes. there will also be temporary memory loss at times. chan saw the other looking down, seemingly exhausted. he gives the other some time. he was like that too when he awoke.

"how did you manage to leave?" the older finally asks.

"i don't know. i just did. i tried going back to warn the others because i honestly forgot i was in another world. a game? i don't even remember what this thing does. i just remember everything was exactly like how it was few years ago. its like a weird simulation, now thinking about it. anyway, i didn't want them to get carried away. i'm starting to lose my memories about the other world too.. but good thing i recorded some things in my diary. do you want to see it?" chan was about to leave to room to fetch his diary but jihoon stopped him.

"no, i don't need it." jihoon stands up and heads to where chans helmet was and attaches it to the machine, activating it again.

"hyung no! it doesn't work. i tried putting it back on and i just either stayed awake or just slept like usual. i couldn't go back. which is why i was so worried for you guys."

"let me try once." jihoon puts on the helmet and lies down. he seeings chan running to him at the corner of his eye.

he closes his eyes.