Winter's Sunshine

30. Work Hard, Drink Harder

"So, ready for the mission?"

"Yes ma'am", everyone said in unison.

Bucky looked at Jen and caught her already staring at him. She smiled back and Sam just rolled his eyes watching them at gaze each other.

"Let's get going", he announced exiting Hill's office.

This trio going on missions had become routine. Bucky and Jen, the uncommitted couple along with Sam, worked well with each other. The assigned mission was finished successfully. All three returned to the tower, worn out completely.

"Come on Sam, let's go for a drink", Jen suggested, walking in the compound.

"What about this grandpa? Should we invite him?"

Bucky rolled his eyes on hearing Sam and said, "I don't need your invitation. I would rather sleep instead of spending time with you"

"Well, you know what they say, old people need rest, right Jen?"

Bucky walked past Jen and Sam who were laughing at him. "Later kids", he shouted getting into the lift.

Sam and Jen agreed to freshen up and meet again in five and walk to a nearby bar to spend the rest of their evening.

___________________

"So.. ", Sam started, eyeing Jen.

Jen hummed, taking another shot of her tequila and then immediately sucking on the salted lime.

She made weird faces which made Sam laugh. "Damn girl, you don't do this often do you?"

"Nope. This is after a long time, not since you know..", she said fazing out, trying to brush off her drunk memory with Bucky. "Need to eat clean and stay healthy.", she said looking at him.

"True, but once in awhile it's ok I guess"

Jen nodded at Sam, bobbing her head to the music. Sam kept looking at her contemplating whether or not to broach this topic. "Jen? Can I ask you something?"

"Hmm?"

Oh, here we go. "Do you like Bucky?", he asked cautiously.

Jen smiled at him and gestured the bartender for another shot. "I don't know.", she said, avoiding his gaze.

"What do you mean? It's either a yes or a no"

"It's more complicated than that.", she said trying to end their conversation. "The thing is I like him, I respect him and even admire him. But I am not sure about him."

Sam kept staring. He took a sip of his drink, subtly urging her to continue.

"Weirdly, I carry this picture of us on my missions.", she said pulling out the picture strip from the Coney Island. She showed it to Sam. "I don't understand why but I just do."

Sam handed it back remembering the time he had caught her crying in her room holding the same. "Jen..", he started. "I mean.. it's crystal clear. OK, so as an outsider I feel that you guys, you know... I mean you act and behave like a couple."

"I know Sam, even I feel like one. But I don't want to overthink. I don't think I should act on it"

"Why not? You clearly have feelings for him and it's clear that he loves you-" Sam noticed Jen getting nervous as she had started fidgeting with her fingers. He felt that she must be feeling guilty about the fact that she might be hurting or using him in some way. "Jen, what's wrong? It's OK to be in love. Is it about our job? Or his past that's bothering you?"

Jen shook her head with certain disapproval. "No, it's not him. He is perfect, Both inside out"

"Then what is it? Come on tell me", he urged.

"I don't know what exactly I want to be with him and honestly I- I just don't want to overthink. What I have with him is fine. It's perfect. Don't want to ruin it."

The bartender placed another shot in front of her. He swiftly replaced her lime tray with a full one, giving her time to arrange her thoughts.

"I just know that I feel safe with him, I enjoy his company and never get bored with him. But.. the thought of dating him or being in a relationship with him, I don't know why but it kind of scares me. And I don't feel that this is a right mental state to be in while you are in a relationship"

"So you have commitment issues", Sam stated sipping on his whiskey.

"You can say that. I mean I am confused. I can't act on my feelings right now. I just- I guess I need some time and be 100% sure about what I truly feel."

"Sounds right. Don't go ahead just for the sake of going", Sam said agreeing.

"Yes, I don't want to build a relationship just because I feel a spark or just because it excites me. I want to go ahead and be in a relationship when it feels right to me"

"You know Bucky would be so happy to hear this."

"I know, he sure will. And it scares me sometimes. What if I end up hurting him?"

"Well, when you are in love, you choose to be vulnerable. That's what you sign up for."

"Don't use the L-word", Jen whispered, smiling at him

"Oh sorry my bad", Sam responded chuckling. "But I have to say, you guys make a great team."

"I know, he brings out the best in me."

"But you know Jen, in our world.. in our little messed up world, there is no time for contemplating. We need to act today. Act right now, at this very moment. So my advice to you is, don't waste your time waiting for the right moment. Just grab the one you get and make it the right one."

Jen knew she needed to hear this. She knew this but was waiting for one little push. Maybe Sam is right. Maybe it's time to choose what my heart wants. Maybe I should confess what I feel for Bucky. My James.. My Bucky.