Light Novie Awards 2019 [CLOSED] | The Light Novel Society

Action/Adventure Prelims Results!

Judged by: mitsume10

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Hi, all! Mitsume here, your judge for this category, action/adventure. Your entries have all been pleasant to read, and after careful consideration, the results for this round have been decided.

ELIMINATED

SwagyOtaku → A Journey's Legend: Kaito's Adventure

Title: 3/5
Cover: 3/5
Synopsis: 7/10
Hookline: 3/10
Character Development: 5/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 3/10
Plot: 5/10
Small Review:

A lot of grammar mistakes and misspellings can be found in your writing. Your paragraphing is also rather disconcerting to the eyes-it's too long. Cutting them into shorter paragraphs (appropriately) would be more convenient. When different characters are speaking, their dialogue should be put in different paragraphs.

Total: 29/60

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Aez8Az → I Am Now a Dungeon Keeper And I'm Taking Care Of Girls Who Live With Me?!

Title: 3/5
Cover: 2/5
Synopsis: 6/10
Hookline: 5/10
Character Development: 5/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 6/10
Plot: 6/10
Small Review:

The RPG vibe you give in your narration is quite interesting. However, there is just too much dialogue and little imagery. Another problem would be the inappropriate shifts in tense-you have to stick to one. I would also like to advise not to use more than three dots, or ellipsis (...), in your writing, same goes with other punctuation marks.

Total: 33/60

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AltairMorpheus → Overlord: Rulers Of Darkness

Title: 4/5
Cover: 3/5
Synopsis: 6/10
Hookline: 5/10
Character Development: 5/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 4/10
Plot: 6/10
Small Review:

I like the idea of your story-main characters being trapped in their own game, their skills becoming a part of them, and the NPC's coming to life. However, you write as though for a play script. Dialogue is normally quoted with quotation marks-and don't forget the tags. I advise to show more than tell so that you can better immerse the readers in your story. Remember to engage all five senses when writing. Your grammar is also an important concern. Paragraph spacing is also unnecessarily too big-one extra space is enough.

Total: 33/60

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copyrightmaster → Super Society!

Title: 3/5
Cover: 3/5
Synopsis: 7/10
Hookline: 5/10
Character Development: 6/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 4/10
Plot: 6/10
Small Review:

Reading your story was pretty fun; the characters are hilarious. There are several things that can be worked on, though. Proper punctuation is needed for your story to be readable, and breathable. Do not change words into their logogram as well, for instance writing "&" instead of "and". Be mindful of your tense shifts, too, as its inconsistency makes it perturbing to read.