Light Novie Awards 2019 [CLOSED] | The Light Novel Society

Fanfiction Winners!

Judged by: NikkoTrinity 

Yo Everyone!

Please do not be discouraged if your book was unable to make it. I enjoyed the potential of each and every story. I do hope to see you next year and how much you have improved. After viewing the results, please stick around for a final important announcement that will be published after ALL of the finals have been published.

Congratulations to the winners! You did a really great job and I thoroughly enjoyed reading your fanficiton stories. 

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ELIMINATED

NicoledePotato → Disassociate Dimensions

Hookline: 3/10
Character Development: 3/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 3/10
Plot: 4/10
Small review:

First, love the new cover! It's very adorable. Second, you tend to mix the adverbs and adjectives, some of which have similar meanings, however, are needlessly put together. For example: ...came rushing by past the two of you. It does not fit together (rushing/by/past). I would suggest to read over a chapter word for word out loud that way you are able to hear the mistakes instead of silently reading it with your mind. The actions were rather unrealistic, did not properly make sense, and was rather cringe. There was a lack of descriptions, emotion, in-depth thought (which I would have liked from the perspective of an admirer of Einstein), and scenes transpired rather fast which caused me unable to absorb the story. The Y/N personality is bland and it's missing a crucial part to really make the story interesting as it sounded from the synopsis - Y/N being an intellectual, a scientist! I see no indication of Y/N being just as intelligent as Einstein, or even more so. Y/N has no presence and just seems to be floating around with famous anime characters in the background. 

Like from my previous review, because your story is built on many anime universes, there is going to have to be a ton of research charted out to make the story flow. It just seems like you written down all of what you imagined in your head without properly reviewing over and editing it. It has the potential to be great. Work on plotting it out and doing your research to bring out character depth.

Total: 13/40

・・・

akaiseirei → Blazing Soul

Hookline: 3/10
Character Development: 3/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 2/10
Plot: 3/10
Small review:

There really is no development as the story progresses, if any progress at all. Rather than telling the reader, show the reader. Emotions were lackluster, descriptions were little to none, barely any usage of the four senses and imagery to set the scene/mood, many grammatical and punctuation errors - just a complete mess. Let me ask you this: Do you enjoy writing the fanfiction story? Why did you start this fanfiction? Try reading your favorite books, your favorite fanfictions, and learn what point of view you prefer to write in so you can gain the knowledge to hone your craft and get an idea of your 'author's voice.'

Total: 11/40

・・・

THIRD PLACE

khgirl678 → This Is War

Hookline: 3/10
Character Development: 4/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 3/10
Plot: 4/10
Small review:

The next chapter begins with the sentence repeating the usage of being woken up unnecessarily. It only needs to be mentioned once. For example, it begins off like this: "Evelyn? Evelyn!" Someone shook me awake as they called my name to wake up." Instead, try something along the lines of: "Evelyn..." A voice called for me deep within my slumber. The voice was far, far enough that I did not even want to bother acknowledging the call. "Evelyn... Evelyn!" They nudged my shoulder hard, forcing me to wake up in a daze. It places the reader in the character's sense of being drifted off to sleep and suddenly being nudged awake. Just enough to relate on not wanting to be bothered while sleeping. And oh, God... You brought me back into the feels, cries. Poor Nina and Alexander... Ugh!

There were many punctuation errors, misspells, repetition, incomplete and run-on sentences. There was also a lackluster of emotion and suspense which is what made the Fullmetal Alchemist brothers great - it was intriguing and suspenseful, full of emotion and a tidal wave of heartbreaks. You have the potential to bring that out, especially by the mention of her PTSD of riding trains. I would suggest to read over a chapter word for word out loud that way you are able to hear the mistakes instead of silently reading it with your mind. And try not to repeat the same mood for the beginning of the chapter. It makes the story dull. Overall, your story has great potential. Just implement more of Evelyn's talents and personality to carve out her important part in the story rather than it seeming like she is a background character.

Total: 14/40

・・・

SECOND PLACE

8mefox → Cardfight!! Vanguard: Generations Volume 1 [Yuuto Birth]

Hookline: 9/10
Character Development: 8/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 7/10
Plot: 8/10
Small review:

Character introduction paled in comparison to Takanori. The characters didn't give me that wow factor like Takanori did on his entrance exam. There was also a lack in suspense, a lack in pause, past/present tense errors, and I felt like Takanori's personality does a complete 180 from time to time, except when entranced with card battles. One moment he's confident, the other he is very shy and weak. I would suggest to work on character depth so there is a consistency that readers will be drawn to. More than anything, the card battles are really stimulating and I can tell a lot of thought is put into it. Unfortunately, I suck at the knowledge of card battles, X'D. I can tell you have a lot of passion for the Vanguard series, your writing skills are exceptionally well, and I believe you have the potential to go far as a writer. Keep up the good work!

Total: 32/40

・・・

FIRST PLACE

TheImperialSarcasm → Danganronpa RM: Deathly Montage

Hookline: 10/10
Character Development: 10/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 8/10
Plot: 10/10
Small review:

Your fanfiction story has a perfect flow, strong characterization, and I am able to imagine it in my head like it is its own anime. At times, I often forgot it was a fanfiction and believed it to be its own story. There were little to barely any errors. It's very easy to follow along and understand what is going on. It's riveting, suspenseful, and it makes the reader wonder how many characters are really telling the truth, if they are who they say they are, what they are thinking, and if anyone can really be trusted. Just like a Danganronpa! Overall, I don't have anything bad to say about your story. You've excelled as a writer and I know you continue to do so. Your writing shows your expertise and I am very compelled to say you are what writers would find to be awe inspiring. 

Total: 38/40