Light Novie Awards 2019 [CLOSED] | The Light Novel Society

Fantasy Semis Results!

Judged by: RainingStorms

♪( '▽｀)

Apologies for the long wait, my friends. I've been a little busy as of late, especially since I had to help my parents spring clean our apartment so we could do some interior repainting. But enough about that. Here are the results for the semis! Again, I enjoyed reading all of your books, and it was a real pain to decide on the unfortunate five who will have to be eliminated in this round. Here are the books that will sadly have to go:

ELIMINATED

RenkoThao9 → Densetsu: A Beautiful Day

Hookline: 6/10
Character Development: 7/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 3/10
Plot: 7/10
Small Review: 

Really, your story is so unlike the isekai stories nowadays. It's quite refreshing to read. Reminds me a little of Inuyasha, just saying (I wonder if you took inspiration from it?). However, most of the issues I mentioned in my review the previous round could still be seen in your next chapters. In fact, they were a tad bit more prominent—apart from the grammatical errors, incorrect dialogue tagging and capitalisation and odd sentence structuring, some of the similes you used didn't make much sense, which caused some confusion as to what you were actually trying to say/compare. Apart from that, incorrect words and connectors could be seen, along with a few redundancies that dragged the flow of the story. Some details were also quite confusing—perhaps you were trying to keep that sense of mystery and flair in your writing style, but it just made a bunch of things too vague instead. While writing metaphorically and vaguely can be nice to read because of the intriguing and poetic feel they give to your style and story, too much can be an absolute pain to decipher. Be more specific. Be clear. You are trying to entice your readers to keep going, not make them lost trying to figure out who you're referring to, what just happened, what you meant by this one phrase because it seemed awfully out of place, etc. Speaking of story flow, some scene transitions felt too awkward and sudden. There needs to be a smoothness when you're moving from one scene to another, and in some cases this can be done by better paragraphing. Some of your paragraphs were a tad too long and became cluttered as a result. See where you can cut your paragraphs so you can have better impact. In terms of characters, I have to say that they're a little intriguing since we don't know much about most of them yet at this point, but it would be best to polish up your interactions and reactions, as some were too sudden/unrealistic and hence became a little odd.

Total: 23/40

・・・

Justwhycant → The Anti-Social Magician And The Cute Hero

Hookline: 5/10
Character Development: 6/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 3/10
Plot: 7/10
Small Review: 

I actually found your next chapters a little comical, so that was nice. However, the issues mentioned in my previous review remained. While the tense shifts did not appear as often, the grammar mistakes were still there, including a couple of sentences that were structured quite oddly. It would be in your best interest to read your sentences out to yourself or to someone else for input so you can figure out how to fix them. For punctuation, there were redundant commas here and there that disrupted the flow. Some commas could have also been replaced by periods so as to not drag your sentences out. Dialogue-wise, the punctuation and tags used remain a problem as some are incorrect (a few in terms of capitalisation as well, depending on which punctuation you ended your dialogue with). Do try to examine the dialogues in the works of published authors and take note of the variations one can do with punctuation and the tagging that follow. I also noticed that you used some Japanese terms. Try not to use them. For one thing, it might be confusing to those who don't understand it—your readers might not all watch anime or know the terms you used. I also need to point out characters and emotions. Now, these next chapters I read were a bit more tense than the previous, but the way you wrote these feelings and reactions just couldn't display the conflict well enough to be immersive. You outright told the MC's feelings of hatred, which just made me think "Oh, okay, he hates everything now. Next." instead of allowing me to feel his sorrow and anger and actually feel bad for him due to the treatment he's going through. You should have showed it instead—showing your MC's emotions would leave a far greater impact (but of course, make sure not to overdo it or it'll drag everything). Scene transitions were also a bit too rapid and sudden, which didn't quite allow the tensions to sink in when the MC was getting all edgy. Also, in that scene when he was getting yelled at, I thought that reaction was too immediate—with such a 'shocking' decision like the MC's, I would've expected the people to at first be confused, then let the words sink in, before hurling whatever derogatory insults they wanted because of their fury. The reaction to the MC's statement became a little odd and unrealistic in some senses because of how immediate it was. It's like they were waiting for the MC to refuse them just so they could throw insults at his face. Try to rethink the way your characters interact so it's more realistic instead of pitting everyone against the MC just so you can raise his emo bar.