Light Novie Awards 2019 [CLOSED] | The Light Novel Society

Action/Adventure Winners!

Judged by: mitsume10

･:*+.\(( °ω° ))/.:+

Finally, the long-awaited winners! Thank you for being patient!

ELIMINATED

CashblaQ → Aether: Calraem

Hookline: 7/10
Character Development: 7/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 7/10
Plot: 7/10
Small review:

The issues I mentioned in the previous rounds were still found in the last two chapters read: incorrect homonyms (particularly such as you're and your), incorrect tense shifts (please stick to one) and multiple punctuation marks placed in the end. To add, commas (,) should be used before conjunctions (FANBOYS—for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) linking two independent clauses, as well as before a dialogue tag, instead of a period (.). Some words were redundant and quite repetitive, too. Perhaps have a dictionary with you while you write to find similar but right words. That way, your story wouldn't be bland. Speaking of, I would recommend describing more. Put more illustration in the settings, characters, emotions and so on to better immerse readers in your story. Also, regarding multiple paragraphs of one person's dialogue. Open with quotation marks for each paragraph, but only close it in the last.

Total: 28/40

ArchlordZero → Vesryn Pulse: Wrath of Xenon

Hookline: 9/10
Character Development: 8/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 6/10
Plot: 9/10
Small review:

As stated in the first review, there is a lot of inappropriate shifts in verb tense. Please stick to one. Perhaps use present tense for, well, the present day, like the interrogation; and use past tense for flashbacks. Also, there are some misuse of punctuation. It is not right to use semi-colon (;) when mentioning a person's name after their title. You don't necessarily have to put any punctuation, but if the title follows the name, use commas (,). I recommend describing the characters' emotions through words, too, instead of only through dialogue such as "Gah!", "Rrahh!", and that's it. If the character is hurt, which part of his body exactly? Put emphasis on that part. Are there any thoughts going through his mind? You can include particles of his surroundings, too, to perhaps give more effect.

Total: 32/40

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THIRD PLACE

ImperialSun → Novus Magus

Hookline: 9/10
Character Development: 8/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 9/10
Plot: 9/10
Small review:

Firstly, I like how you introduced the characters one by one—it gives better understanding of their individual backgrounds. The different cultures in your story also makes it interesting. I recommend, however, to describe more, especially the characters' presence and actions. The vague illustration and strange structure left me pretty confused. In episode 6, for instance, I had to reread the part where Sarah's brother and family intercept her escape with Hal. You described the child's appearance first even though the parent spoke first (identity still unknown), so that was pretty befuddling. Lack of dialogue tag is also a factor.

Reviews from previous rounds still pertain—misspellings, punctuation and delivery of emotions. I noticed you use "adverting" which I believe you meant "averting" instead. There are some misuse of punctuation and missing ones, such as that commas (,) should be placed after introductory adverbs as well as after dialogue tags before an action.

Total: 35/40

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SECOND PLACE

SaltyCrow → Ghosts in the Pumpkin Soup

Hookline: 9/10
Character Development: 10/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 9/10
Plot: 10/10
Small review:

Like in the previous round, one or two misspellings. Also, remember to use commas (,) for dialogue tags, and periods (.) for action beats. I would like to mention about the verb tense as well-sometimes you switched to the present tense when it's the narrator's turn to narrate, while the rest of the story is in past tense. The bit shift seemed kind of odd to me, and I feel that it would be more suitable if the story is in present tense throughout-but again I've never really come across a book written in second-person, so perhaps it's just me. It was still an interesting read, nonetheless! I liked seeing that gloomy bit part of James since he always seems to be jolly with his antics and all, and I got to know more about the characters each chapter. It's a really intriguing story. I would love to continue reading it if I have the time.

Total: 38/40

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FIRST PLACE

RainingStorms → Stormbringer: King

Hookline: 9/10
Character Development: 10/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 10/10
Plot: 10/10
Small review:

Something I found rather odd is when Storm first encountered Tesarah in the gardens. It's night, and it's described that it's dark around with only the stars, so when I read "a flash of white" it struck me quite strange. Because I think Storm shouldn't be able to see clearly, especially with the shadows of the bushes? Though it did give an effect. Also, a misspelling. "Everyday" is an adjective, its meaning similar to "common" or "ordinary", such as everyday clothes and everyday shoes. "Every day", on the other hand, with space, means "each day". I really like seeing the family's relationship, though. You managed to clearly show how close they are with each other. The characters' alone times, too, give more insight about themselves, which I rather enjoyed seeing.

Total: 39/40

・・・

Congratulations to all winners!

That was tough! There were originally two first-placed winners; sadly, there can only be one, so that was a dilemma. 🤧 However, the decision has been made! Splendid job, all of you!

I am in no way a pro, so I apologize for anything I failed to see and mention. And whether you chose to follow my advice rests entirely up to you.

Thank you for participating, everyone! I hope you had fun! Good luck writing, and never give up!

Oh—BEFORE YOU GO! All participants, please stand by for an important announcement after all finals have been published!

See you!