Light Novie Awards 2019 [CLOSED] | The Light Novel Society

Fantasy Prelims Results!

Judged by: RainingStorms

(๑•﹏•)

Hello everyone, it's your judge, Stormy, here. All of your entries were a delight to read, and it was honestly quite difficult for me to decide on the five books that are to be eliminated after this round. But I have made my decision, and sadly, the five books listed below, in no particular order, will have to go:

ELIMINATED

Takeimika →  Akatsukinomonogatari

Title: 4/5
Cover: 3/5
Synopsis: 4/10
Hookline: 4/10
Character Development: 5/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 3/10
Plot: 6/10
Small Review:

I like the effort you put into constructing the world of your story—the synopsis, although rather unnecessarily lengthy, was quite informative and fun to read. The names you've given your characters and places are rather unique as well, something that I look for when it comes to fantasy stories. However, there are several things that can be fixed, and the most prominent issues would be your grammar and punctuation. It was rather difficult to read the paragraphs due to the fact that you do not have any spacings after using commas and the very blatant lack of periods—the whole written structure of your chapters was a mess. There are also multiple tense shifts within the first three chapters, which can be rather jarring, so I would advise you to stick to one tense throughout the story. I recommend you to look through your drafts again and start including spaces after commas and periods at the end of sentences, as well as fix the other grammatical and punctuation errors scattered throughout your chapters. Character-wise, while your characters appear to have somewhat distinct personalities, some character actions need to make sense, so it would be good to give them more concrete reasons/motivations for what they do.

Total: 29/60

・・・

nniieellii → Camiare: An Isekai

Title: 4/5
Cover: 1/5
Synopsis: 5/10
Hookline: 3/10
Character Development: 5/10
Grammar/Sentence Structure: 6/10
Plot: 6/10
Small Review:

I went to search the dictionary for the meaning of 'camiare' and realised it wasn't an actual word, so that was interesting. In all my years of reading and writing, never have I come across a book where the MC is rather self-aware that he's in a story and becomes the narrator who directly addresses the reader (majority of the time). While I did find that intriguing, it also quite unsettled me since it resulted in a lot of 'telling' and barely any 'showing', causing a disconnect. I would recommend you experiment writing without having the MC address the reader and instead allowing the reader to experience the MC's life without being 'told' what it's like, like how most published writers would do it, then see which one is better for both you and your readers. You have a number of rather unique terms in your story, which I like, but I would urge you to work on your grammar and sentence structuring, as some sentences can be rather awkward. The development of your MC was rather rushed and glossed over, so I would recommend you to try and show more aspects of his life and growth, especially his relationship with his parents (who also need to be shown more) who seem to have a bigger role in the story than being mere figures the MC has to stay and grow up with.