Her Nature

|Chapter 17|

"Luciano has something to say." Sadie's voice was stern and motherly. She turned to him expectantly, lips pursed in a thin line.

As he cleared his throat, his face regained its soft tan glow. No longer flushed, his tone was hard and biting, "The Winter is approaching faster than usual. We must make sure the pregnant females do not run their pregnancies off course. The pups are our future."

Sadie had retrieved Amelia sometime during his words. I nodded, not sure what he was getting at. Of course nothing can go wrong with their birthing process, that's what I'm here for.

He continued, "During the Winter, travel is not possible. The juveniles do not leave the pack house and the families stay confined in their own homes. This will deter you from reaching the females which defeats the necessity of your stay."

Understanding dawned on me. How would I reach the females? Panic curled cruelly in my stomach. They didn't need me then.

I'd be alone. Starting over again.

Air caught in my throat. My lungs struggled to pull in air simultaneously, deflating and quivering.

"You will no longer be at the birthing building." He continued oblivious to my panicked state.

Trembling hands clutched at my neck trying to work out the lump. My chest ached in searing pain from the powerful compression that squeezed me in it's death grip. Weakness threatened to buckle my knees under the weight bearing down on me.

My shoulders curled in, caving my chest. Head dropping, salt water seas formed behind my eyes. Wave after wave beat against my lids in attempt to gush out in rivers.

I wouldn't let them.

He pulled me from my second chance home and was ready to throw me out on my own again. He should've left me in the water instead.

I won't let him see me cry.

Was I really that worthless? That when I wasn't needed to do a job, I would be cast away again? At least at home I had family that loved me.

I had people that cared about me and wanted to see me happy. Someone to build a home with. A mini world to call my own. Even if it was only a population of four.

Agony gushed from my pores accompanied by the devastating solitary confinement of loss. I couldn't fit in here. Hell, this was a pack of wolves. They had a side of compassion, but their sole beings were guided by their animalistic instincts. I didn't have any of those, my wolf wasn't there. I was guided by my heart and my head and Goddess knows they never agree.

Even at home I didn't fit in. I lived alone on the outside of the territory for fucks sake. Where the hell did I belong?

Nowhere. The sole crushing truth came tumbling down on me. Piled so thick and heavy, all I could do was watch while my life wasted away. I could fight it, but what for?

Just to watch everything I've fought for crumble around me. Again. Over and over.

A firm grip shook me from my truth. Hair fell over my eyes obscuring my view. I was looking but not seeing.

Warm calloused hands smoothed the hair away from my face gently. Palms moved lightly from my forehead to the back of my neck, holding my unruly curls hostage.

His heat radiated so strongly into me, my once ice cold form grew hot. Little space was a barrier between our bodies, muscles straining to maintain the space we so badly wanted to eliminate.

Warm breath barely reached my face, tickling the tip of my nose. My eyes were squeezed shut but my pupils frantically and rapidly flittered side to side.