When the skyfalls

Chapter fourteen: It comes in waves

If there was one thing that Joseph Sugg had learnt over the last few months, it was that one hour can change everything.

One hour had changed the fact that he and his wife were preparing to welcome their second child to the world.

One hour had changed the Dianne's body permanently.

One hour had changed Charlotte's status from only child to big sister.

And now, one hour had changed the way his wife looked at him, the way his daughter acted around him and the way he dealt with his own emotions from that moment on.

The memory of his breakdown will haunt him forever, the fear he had put in his wife's eyes, the broken wedding picture and the reaction from his darling daughter when the couple gathered themselves enough to face their child.

*Flashback*

"Joseph, are you ready to come with me to see Lottie? We can continue talking this through between once but I can't settle until I know she is okay and understands that you didn't mean to shout; maybe we can leave her with a movie and rainbow, unless...unless you want rainbow to stay with us?" she whispers tentatively, running her hand along his hunched spine, coming to rest on his shoulder and she encouraged her broken husband to stand up. Rising slowly to his feet, he shuffled slowly forwards and stumbled into the arms of his wife;

"How can I face her Dot? How can I go down to her room and apologise because I know she is going to look at me, look at me with those beautiful eyes and all I am going to see is the same expression you had. That FEAR. I can't forgive myself for scaring you, but our daughter? Our baby girl? She won't understand, won't want to come anywhere near me and I don't blame her. I don't blame YOU, I don't know why you are still here, why you haven't take her and ran."

Holding her husband up, Dianne gently encouraged him to place his head on her shoulder as she rocked the pair of them side to side. "I won't ever leave you, Joseph, I couldn't. You are hurting, you're in pain and you need help and i'm going to be right here until we work through this. As for Charlotte? She is the most forgiving, gentle soul and yes, you did scare her, you upset her and you definitely will have to make it up to her but she's young and no matter what, she absolutely adores every single bone in your body. You are her Daddy, her first love, her hero and nothing can change that. Now come on, I think we all need a cuddle. Seeing as it's Sunday, i'll have a look and see if Seth, you remember him right, can see you tomorrow morning. Seth is brilliant and it might do you good to talk to another man about everything your feeling, so you know its okay to not be okay. If therapy doesn't work, we will find something or someone else to help you through these emotions. I'm right here Joe, always right here. Now, lets go see Lottie."

Hesitating outside his daughter's room, knocking only when his wife nudged him; " Lottie-bean, can daddy and mama come in?" he calls softly, opening the door and peering round, feeling his heart break for the third time that morning as he spied his tiny daughter sobbing into her build-a-bear which wore an old "Sugg-life" hoodie, customised by her mama. Both parents wondered over to the small child, sitting either side of her shaking body, both extending a hand to place on her back and drawing her attention from the bear, causing her to crawl into her mother's lap and shrink against her chest. Holding her child close, Dianne moved closer to Joseph, resting Lottie where he could hold them both. Pressing a firm kiss to her baby's forehead and reaching out to dry the salty tears from her husband's face, she gave him a tiny nod, encouraging him to continue. "Lottie baby, can you listen to Daddy? Can you look at me sweetheart so I can talk to you and say i'm sorry?" he mutters, running his finger through her wild, dark curls and joining his wife in kissing her head. Turning her attention to the man she idolises, those honey eyes filled with tears, the child spoke quietly, " I'm sorry Daddy...I didn't mean to make you sad or hurted mama or make baby rainbow icky. I didn't mean to. I'm bad and I maked you sad, mama sad and mean baby had to go away."