When the skyfalls

Chapter fifteen: Its okay to not be okay

With the spark rightfully returned into their relationship and things beginning to look up for the young couple once again, the pair slept soundly in each others arms for the first time in months; waking only when the brilliant winter sun penetrated the curtains and illuminated the bedroom. A combination of the sunshine and the pressing weight of his wife's head against his abdomen brought Joseph back from dreamland and in to reality; their last child-free day in potentially, a long time and the beginning of a new era in their marriage. Staring down at the sleeping beauty, resting against his tummy, her hair  sprawling wildly up my chest and her face graced with a childlike innocence- it was that innocent woman that he hurt, he had once resented...how could he allow himself to be forgiven? Joe once again felt the emotions within him rise, twisting and contorting like a furious wave;

Anger.

Frustration.

Sadness.

Love.

Pain.

Guilt.

The overriding feeling of guilt is crushing, coupled with the weight of Dianne against his body, white noise and the blinding light could only mean one thing- an overwhelming anxiety attack in the making. Unable to catch his breathe, Joe attempted to shift himself from under his sleeping wife, desperate once again to conceal his emotions from her, he shuffles out of her grasp and heads towards the balcony. Stumbling blindly outside, the handrail becomes the only thing holding him up as the world suddenly crashed around him. This time, instead of supressing his feelings, Joe accepted them, allowing his tears to consume him and sobbing openly over the rail.

Lost in the tornado of emotions, out of control and spiralling, Joe remains oblivious to the fact that his love, having felt him leave their bed, hesitated behind him; Still half asleep, Dianne couldn't quite decide whether to leave the broken man before her to battle his emotions and calm himself or to approach and wrap him tightly in her arms like she longed to- how would her Joseph react to each approach? Not that she was scared of him, no of course not! Dianne loved the man before her, no matter how he struggled, how he had previously reacted but she couldn't quite shift the lingering fear, haunting her from his last breakdown- Was this the same? What even triggered this? Was it something she had said or done last night? Once again, was this a result of her obliviousness?

Biting her lip and drawing a sharp breath in, Dianne inched towards her broken husband, who was slowly sinking to his knees, leaving him with his head in his hands on the grass of their bedroom balcony. Tip-toeing closer to the man she loves, desperate to ease his pain once again, she places a gentle touch to the small of his back; "Joseph, my love? Can you turn to me little you? Let me help." In this moment, the redhead noticed just how fragile the figure before her truly was- his long hair was dirty, flopping wildly into his face as the sobs continue to wreck through his chest, hands tearing at himself. "Joe? Darling, look at me now, come on. Can I...Can I hug you? Oh Joseph..." Beginning to loose her own composure, a single tear slipped down her face as Dianne crouched down behind her husband, continuing to move slowly and wrap her love in her protective arms, in a bid to soothe his ebbing emotions with her own touch- after all, love always wins.

Vaguely aware of a presence behind him, the tears begin to slow, breathing coming back to normal as he allowed himself to relax against his wife; "D..D...Dot, i'm...i'm so so..so..s" Unable to form a sentence, the tears flooded, staining his ocean blue eyes and turning them to that turbulent, steel grey, accurately portraying his battle with his inner emotions. "Shush now my Joseph, don't speak. I've got you, I'm right here. Remember what Seth said, don't bury those emotions, let me see them, feel them work through your body and when you are ready, we can talk through it again, like always. You are so loved Joseph Graham Sugg, so loved. I love you, Lottie loves you and we both know, rainbow loves you. You are so loved." Wrapped in each other's loving embrace, tears fall freely from both parties as the young couple sob together, lost in the moment with the blazing winter sun blessing them on the balcony; a rare moment where emotions could be openly felt, shared and considered, without the need to shield or protect their innocent daughter.