WinterIron one shots

Is it worth it?

Word count : 1449

Summery: Tony Stark is suicidal, can Bucky save him from himself before it's too late??

Angsty!!! Warning you may cry!! 😭

—————

Sweat dripped down from his forehead, and he violently turned around and thrashed about in his bed, breathing heavily, tears falling down his face.

The once stone cold man who 'didn't fight for anyone but himself' cried in is sleep. The vivid images of his failures played out in his mind.

When he was captured in Afghanistan, when Yensin died, when he created Ultron, when pepper left him, when the team split .... when Steve.... when broke the reactor and walked away with Bucky- the murderer of his parents. The man he thought he loved.

He watched as every mistake he had ever made played out in front of him. He wanted to stop the bad things from happening, but every time he tried to do exactly that he managed to make ever thing much worse. He just wanted to keep the people he loved safe and out from harms way, he never meant to endanger them. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Yet every time he tried to do just that, some one always got hurt- whether that was the team, shield, his employers, or innocent civilians. And at the end of the day, Tony Stark was a murderer.

He wanted to Make the world a safer, better place for everyone. He created Ultron to protect people, the same people he ended up endangering. He was a cold blooded murderer And nothing would ever change his mind.

And the civil war. Again he was only doing what he thought was the best. He followed his heart and done why he believed was right. But of course, even that was wrong. He could never do anything right. He could only kill and disappoint.

He was responsible for the deaths of thousands if not millions of deaths- innocent people died because of his mistakes, and he would have to live with that for the rest of his life. But... what if he didn't.

He woke with a start. He was dipping with sweat and shaking violently even though it wasn't cold in his room. He through back the covers and gently opened his bedroom door, not wanting to wake anyone at such an ungodly hour. He shut the door behind him and crept down to lab.

When he got there he locked down the  lab not wanting anyone to disturb him. He looked around at all of his tools and weapons. The man was a mess. There were scrape prices of metal and random prices of junk every Where. He would have cleaned it a bit, but he didn't see a point.

" JARVIS, our the lab on lockdown and don't let anyone in."

" yes sir." The ai replied.

Tony walked over to his private bar he had installed in for occasions like these. He poured himself a large glass of whiskey and downed it in one go, and quickly refilled it once again. He took another sip from the alcohol and slouched down on his work bench.

The bad thoughts returned.

Everyone hated him. Everyone blamed him personally for the mistakes of the avengers, his mistakes. He saw Bucky laughing at him, calling him pathetic and mocking him. It hurt,- it hurt a lot. He saw Bucky laugh as he new tony liked him, knew that he was gay. He called him pathetic and a lot of other homophobic words.

He hated himself, and wanted to Make things right, but every time he done that he mucked it up, and was labelled a failure all over again. Because that's all he will ever be, in the eyes of the media and in the eyes of the team- a failure and a waste of space who didn't deserve anything he had.

He might as well be dead for all they cared- or who was left of them any way.

———

Unknown to Tony, Bucky  had came back with Steve  and Nat, to apologise for everything that had happened, and to beg for forgiveness.

" JARVIS, can you tell us where tony is please."

" oh thank goodness you are here Sargent , it seems sir  is in great needed of assistance. Please hurry, he won't last  much longer,".

For the guest time ever the three of them  heard JARVIS speak with such urgency. They rushed down to the lab immediately, already knowing tony so well, knowing that world be there place he would be.

——————

Tony slouched against the desk. He slowly slide down so he sat on the floor with his back to the desk so he was facing the door.

He looked down at the glowing price of  metal in his body. He hated the sight of it. It was the thing that  made him weak. The thing that his team mates knew was his weakness and the thing that steve had used against him during the battle. He hated the sight of it, he wanted it to go, not caring about its purpose.

He violently pulled apart the shirt that he wore, and left it hanging open as he examined the arc reactor.

He put his hands over it, grasping the edges with his fingers, and carefully turning it so it came out.

He held his life scores in front of his face, lighting it up. The whole in his chest felt empty, And he felt no burning desire to put it back in.

He was alone.

And he wondered.....

Would it be worth it to put it back in?

From the sudden attack against the locked lab door he dropped it, and it rolled across the floor away from him. It didn't even bother  him that his last source of life  had moved away, so far that he wouldn't have been able to get it back, to save himself.

He watched as he saw the imprint of a fist hit the door multiple times. he hoped that the intruders weren't going to be too disappointed that their target was already dead. He just prayed it would all be over soon.

Bucky continued to punch the door and Steve threw the shield at it to open it. JARVIS had refused to open it for them and both Bucky  and Natasha knew, that when Tony our the man on lockdown while there was no one else around meant he was going to do something stupid.

Finally the door opened and there was tony stark unconscious on the floor, with a whole in his chest were the arc was suppose to be.

Bucky  rushed to his side and found the arc reactor on the floor and fumbled around work it to get it back in.

" come on stark, don't do this to me, don't do this to us! We need you! I needed you!!"

" guys help me!" He had tears falling down his face as he knew it wasn't going to work. He never got to tell the man in front of him that he loved him, and even if it was wrong in the 40s, he was in love with a man- he was in love with tony stark.

His futile attempt to get him back failed. The lifeless body of the genius slouched against the desk. Cold to the touch.

Nat knelt down besides him, letting silent tears fall down her face. Steve had tears in his eyes and melt besides Bucky putting a hand in his shoulder as an attempt to calm his violent sobs. He had known of Bucky's feelings to tony, and he regretted everything so much. He had lost an externally good friend for the sake of the other, and he couldn't help thinking what if. What if he had trusted Tony enough to tell him about Bucky and the winter soldier. What if he told him about his parents before so he want so betrayed, want so angry at Bucky. He missed tony, he missed his friend.

All three of them were crying. Crying for the man they had left. The man they had let down. The man they had once called a friend laid dead on the floor in front of them because they took every thing from him. They knew he was struggling yet they still fought against him, Steve still nearly killed

And Bucky would never be The same. He had lost the love of his life because he didn't get there in time, he didn't help him when he needed him the most.

And that would be something they all had to live with for the rest of their lives.

They all had tony Stark blood on their hands.