WinterIron one shots

Off days

Word count: 596

Summery: some days Bucky cant look anyone in the eye - but he doesn't need to worry around tony -and he loves him for that.

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Some days, Bucky can't look at anyone.

It's  something he does subconsciously, but when he's feeling particularly low and hating himself -  he avoids making eye contact with anyone. Somehow he knew it would make him feel worse, because it would remind him that he was surrounded by people –  who had lives and emotions... like happiness, joy, excitment and love. And he'd ended so many people's lives, made them look like accidents or made them bloody and gory for the world to see.

It makes him feel sick.

Tony was the one to notice it first,  of course he did, he may not have been a well trained spy and  As much as he puts on the persona of careless and egotistical, he's probably the most observant person in the Avengers, aside from Clint and Natasha – and they were trained to be observant. For Tony, it just came naturally. And Tony recognized the feelings that Bucky frequently felt in himself.

But Tony didn't try and force it. He didn't try and trick him into looking at him or try and push him into feeling more comfortable. Instead, he took it in stride – but he didn't take it as some part of Bucky that he'd just have to deal with. He just accepted it as another part of Bucky, another puzzle piece that made up who he was.

And Bucky loved him for it.

Because on those days when Bucky can't stand looking at anyone, he knows that he can go and curl up on the couch in Tony's workshop. He knows that he can listen to the soothing sounds of Tony working, chattering away about something or another and scolding JARVIS and the bots for snarkiness or watch them playing with another fire extinguisher or otherwise screwing up. He knows that he won't have to worry about Tony pestering him, won't have to worry about faking his own happiness on his off days.

And at the end of the day – or, whenever Tony puts his tools down to go to bed after a long inventing binge – Tony will come over to him. He'll take his hands, guiding him to his feet, and some days that's when Bucky will break and he'll finally be able to look someone in the eyes. Some days he still won't feel good enough, and his eyes will stay carefully away from Tony's warm brown ones. because for him, they were so warm - inviting him to anther life - a life of happiness ... if only.

In any case, each and every time he'll receive a kiss from Tony – on his cheek or on his lips or on the top of his head – and Tony will talk about everything and nothing as he guides Bucky to the elevator and up to their room. He'll lie down in bed with him, soothingly running a hand through his hair until one of them falls asleep. Usually Tony's first, and Bucky will trace his finger around the edge of the arc reactor, comforted by the blue light casting shadows about the room.

And Bucky will fall asleep soon after, hoping that he will never have to live without the knowledge that Tony would always be there for him. And he no longer had to worry about his frequent off days, because he would have tony- and that's  all that mattered.