• If I could turn back time •

13. Not Without You

"Just go, get out of here!"

"No, not without you!"
———

"His first taste of freedom in over 70 years... and you ripped it away from him."

"I did what I had to."

"How are we today, Mr. Barnes?"

I remained silent, my dull gaze trained on the wall just behind the man sitting at the table in front of me. I was told he was a psychiatrist and that he was going to help me. I didn't believe it. If he was going to help me, then why was I restrained like an animal with strange patches attached to my arm? Was he scared that I would hurt him? That I would just... snap? Or was it just because Tony was afraid of me?

"Mr. Barnes. I can't help you if you don't talk to me."

"My name is Bucky." I muttered bitterly, glaring at the man with hatred burning in my chest. I didn't like him. I wanted Steve back. I wanted the comfort of Steve's apartment back. But I couldn't have either of those. They had been brutally torn away from me by someone I hardly knew as a person.

The man raised an eyebrow at me, then nodded and shuffled the papers on the table. "Alright, Bucky. Could you tell me how you're feeling today?"

Again, I stayed silent. I still wasn't sure about this man's intentions, but a small part of me wanted to talk because it wanted to let things go that I had been holding on to for a while. Some of those things, however, I was only comfortable telling Steve. "I'm feeling... confused." I eventually said, my voice not raising any higher than a mumble. I didn't look at the man for a little while.

I saw him write a few things down before he looked at me. "Confused? Why is that?" He asked gently, tapping his pen on the table.

I bit my lip, trying to think of an answer. "I... I don't know..." I mumbled, shifting uncomfortably in the chair I was restrained to. "I just.... don't really understand what's going on.."

"Well, I know Mr. Stark told you why I'm here today. I just want to evaluate your mental state. Do you know where you are?"

I took a quick glance around. Nothing but grey concrete walls and blinding lights. I did remember someone saying we were going to 'The Tower', but I didn't know what that meant. "No." I replied, flexing my fingers a bit. I was starting to get antsy. I wanted to get out of there. Then, a thought crossed my mind and I just had to ask. "Do you know where Steve is?"

The man paused in his writing and looked at me. "Who?"

"Steve. Steve Rogers. Captain America."

"Oh! I believe Mr. Stark wanted to make sure his location was kept unknown."

"But I want to know where he is." I pressed, leaning forwards in my seat. I knew this guy was playing the bullshit card and I wasn't about to fall for it. He knew where Steve was. "I want to see him."

"I'm afraid you aren't allowed to see him upon the request of Mr. Stark. Please allow me to finish asking my quest—"

"No!" I suddenly shouted, my fingers curled into fists. The restraint that held my bionic arm down was beginning to bend. I glared at the man, gritting my teeth together. "You know where he is. Tell me!" I demanded, pulling harder on my restraints. "Tell me where he is!"

"I-I need security on the cell floor!" The man stammered into a little radio that was clipped to his shirt, quickly scrambling backwards when I ripped out of the restraints.

Before I could lay a hand on him, something dug into my back and sent electricity pulsing through my muscles. I growled in pain, falling to my knees but not becoming disabled. I grabbed the thin cords that were attached to the devices and yanked backwards, throwing the guards across the room and into the concrete wall. My head began to pound when I stood up, all thoughts focusing on Steve. Where was he? I needed to find him. I didn't feel right.

More guards came out of the elevator and down the stairs, weapons loaded and pointed at me. By this time, I was having an episode because I couldn't find Steve. I kept screaming his name, pacing back and forth and tugging on my hair. I was scared and confused. I didn't care about the guns that were pointed at me.

Eventually, after five minutes of frantic screaming and searching, I finally understood that I wasn't able to find him and pressed myself against a wall. I slid down to the floor and pulled my legs up to my chest, burying my head in my arms. I was trembling uncontrollably and my breathing was erratic. I could hear the muffled voices of the guards through the pounding of my heart in my ears, but then one voice stood out.

"Wait! Stand down, put your weapons down. Let me talk to him.... please.."

Steve?

At this point, I had started crying from all my emotions being bottled up inside of me. I flinched when I felt a hand on my shoulder, lifting my head just a bit to see who it was. It was Steve. He was here. "S—Steve...." My voice cracked as I let out another sob, leaning heavily on him. Tears rolled down my cheeks and dripped from my chin onto his shirt.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me close, gently rocking back and forth to soothe me. "I've got you, Buck.... Shhh.... It's okay... You're okay.. I'm here...." He mumbled sweet nothings into my ear, gently kissing the top of my head and rubbing my back with one hand. He held me while I cried, continuing to soothe me until my sobs ceased and exhaustion overcame me.

And after all that, I was just happy to be in his arms again. I wouldn't lose him this time. I refused to.

A/N: Aw.... poor Bucky boi ;-;