• If I could turn back time •

6. Always

"You were you, and I was I; we were two before our time. I was yours before I knew, and you have always been mine too."
———

"Why didn't you just tell me, Buck?"

I shuffled nervously in my position on the couch, Steve's baby blues piercing into me like the frigid cold just outside the window. I could hear the emotion in his voice, it felt like someone stabbed me through my heart. I had made the mistake of mentioning that I was homeless during a conversation that evening. "I... I just..... I didn't want you to worry about me. You have enough things to worry about already... I shouldn't be one of them.." I mumbled quietly, my voice just barely above a whisper. I instinctively shrunk back when Steve sat next to me, but he weighed down the cushion and caused me to lean towards him anyways.

"Bucky...." Steve murmured, his voice soft and reassuring. I could fall asleep to the sound of his voice, it was just so... soothing. "Bucky, nothing matters more than you right now... I've been worrying about you ever since.... ever..." His voice cracked and I saw tears in his eyes. "You know what I mean.... just.. please.... Never feel like you don't deserve my attention, because you surely deserve all of it. Please, Buck."

I felt myself tearing up as I listened to him, every word tugging on my heartstrings. I nodded and looked at him, my gaze wavering. "O-Okay..." I replied softly, leaning against Steve's shoulder for comfort. I wanted to ask him what he meant when he said 'ever since', but I decided to leave it be. A slow sigh escaped my parted lips as I enjoyed the warmth that was radiating from Steve. I almost wanted to cuddle up against him, but he might not be ready for that yet. How would I know? I'm not an expert at love.

We were silent for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's company. The wind had finally stopped howling outside and I could see little snowflakes dancing through the air. It was a beautiful night, to say the least. Another minute passed before Steve broke the silence.

"Hey... um.. I know this great diner downtown that we can go to for dinner. It still looks like what diners used to look like back in the day, I thought you might like that." He suggested, tilting his head at me. God, I wish I could just kiss those perfect lips of his. "Only if you're up for it, of course."

I snapped myself out of it when I began to blush, quickly hiding my face until it went away. "Sure. That sounds great, Stevie." I replied with a smile. There it was again. The nickname that made the level-headed captain turn into a dorky, blushy mess. I loved it. His blush even colored the tips of his ears red and I couldn't help but giggle at him.

Steve snorted and covered his face, turning even more red by the second. He playfully smacked me with his hand and got up, trying not to fall over from being so flustered. "Go get your coat!" He exclaimed, starting to laugh afterwards when I started laughing.

"I will!" I giggled, blushing lightly myself as I went over and grabbed my coat from where it was hanging over a chair. I pulled it on and zipped it up, knowing it would be pretty cold outside. I turned around with a grin and leaned against the chair, watching Steve struggle to put his coat on because he was still laughing. "Need some help, Captain?"

Steve just responded with a playful huff and more laughter. He eventually got his coat on and wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes. I just loved him more and more with each thing he did. He gestured to the door and I followed him, my hands in my pockets. I didn't even give a second thought about leaving my backpack here, I was perfectly fine with it. It would be safe.

———

The streets were nearly empty in the silent, snowy night. It was peaceful, the cold hardly bothersome. I could see Christmas lights illuminating porches, railings, and storefronts. They cast a multicolored glow on the delicate snowflakes that drifted down from the sky. It was a beautiful sight to behold.

I glanced over at Steve as we walked, a smile coming to my face once more. He was blinking furiously, trying to get the snowflakes that were caught in his beautiful long eyelashes out. They stuck to his hair, his jacket, just about every possible thing on him. I had to stifle a laugh, for then I would be laughing at myself since the same thing was happening to me.

He led me down a long stretch of sidewalk, commenting on how beautiful the lights and decorations were as we passed by. I didn't have the courage to say that he was more beautiful than all of them combined. It was true, but I just couldn't say it. I didn't know if it was just out of fear of rejection or lack of confidence. Or maybe it was because I didn't want to ruin this perfect moment by admitting something I was so passionate, yet so unsure, about. I kept everything to myself as we neared the diner.

Steve was right, the diner did look old fashioned. Rainbow Christmas lights adorned its doorway and its shrubbery, along with twinkling white lights that lined the railings beside the pathway. The lights really brought out the faded colors of the diner and I felt a certain twinge of familiarness.

"Buck, you don't have to—" Steve began, but I cut him off by laying two dollar bills on the table.

"I do, Stevie. It's my treat tonight." I replied with a smile, waving the waitress over to our booth. "Two chocolate milkshakes please, extra whipped cream on one."

"Buck!"

I ignored Steve and smiled at the waitress as she took the money. I watched her disappear into the diner kitchen before looking at Steve. "Jesus, Steve, what's wrong with splurging a little here and there?" I chuckled, leaning back in my seat.

"You don't have to waste your money on me! You need it!" Steve huffed and crossed his arms across his chest, giving me a look that reminded me of my mother when she was upset with me. He eventually caved and sighed heavily, a small smile on his face. "Thank you, though."

I grinned at him. "No problem, Stevie. Now, relax and just enjoy yourself tonight." I chuckled, glancing off to my right when I saw the waitress returning with our milkshakes. I slid the one with extra whipped cream over to Steve, watching as his eyes grew to the size of dinner plates just like a child on Christmas. As long as he was happy, I was happy.

"Bucky? You okay?"

Steve's voice brought me out of the memory and I nodded, smiling at him. "Yeah... I just remembered something, that's all." I replied, jogging to catch up with him as he approached the door to the diner.

Steve smiled at me and opened the door, letting me in first. "Well, you can tell me all about it once we get a seat." He chuckled, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

A/N: I'm not really the best at love stories, so I'm trying to make them falling in love a slowish progression instead of rushing it. I think it's going well so far!