• If I could turn back time •

18. My Demons

"He looked my demons in the eye and smiled. He fell for the very thing I thought he'd fear."
———

When we got downstairs, everyone was sitting at the kitchen table talking amongst themselves. They stopped when I came in after Steve. I felt uncomfortable under their gazes and looked elsewhere.

"Steve, we need to talk." Tony spoke up after a moment of silence, his hands folded in his lap. He narrowed his eyes at me in a scowl. "Without him."

Steve seemed confused as he glanced at me, but sighed and obliged. "Alright..." he murmured, turning to me and placing a hand on my shoulder. "Hey... why don't you go hang out in the living room for a bit? This shouldn't take too long. We can have breakfast together afterwards, okay?" His voice was gentle and kind.

I forced a bit of a smile and nodded. "Okay.." I looked at him for a moment longer before I headed out of the kitchen and into the living room. By the time I sat down on the couch, my mind was buzzing. What were they talking about? It seemed serious. I ultimately decided that it wasn't my business and pushed it farther back in my mind. My hand reached for the remote and I started searching for something to watch.

———

At least two hours went by. There was no sign of Steve. I could occasionally hear raised voices in the kitchen, but I didn't know what they were saying. I eventually gave up on the idea of having breakfast with Steve, ignoring my grumbling stomach.

Time flew by while my attention was focused on the tv. Two hours turned into three and I was starving at this point, but I knew that I had to stay out of the kitchen. I was thinking about leaving the tower to get some food with what little money I had when I heard someone come into the room. I looked over my shoulder to see Steve walking over with two plates of eggs and toast in hand. He set them down on the table and sat down next to me, looking at the tv. I just stared at him, not sure what to think.

After a while, I just started eating because I was too hungry not to. We didn't speak the entire time we were eating until we had finished. "Hey... uh.... what happened in there? You said it wouldn't take long." I started off in a joking tone, just trying to lighten the mood.

Steve shrugged. He seemed distant, like his mind was somewhere else while his body was here. "Nothing really.... just one of Tony's famous discussions, I guess. Y'know, the really long ones?" There was something different about the tone of his voice. He sounded agitated, yet sad at the same time. It bothered me because I couldn't figure it out.

"Yeah..." I murmured in response, rubbing my hands on my jeans. "Hey, do you think we could go out somewhere? I mean, we've been cooped up in this tower for a long time. How 'bout we hit the city and have some fun like we used to as kids?" I suggested with a grin, wrapping one arm around Steve's shoulders and pulling him close.

Finally, he smiled at me. I felt relieved. He was worrying me for a second. "Sure, why not? It's almost Christmas, it's gonna be busy." He chuckled, rising from the couch and grabbing his plate. "You sure you wanna tackle a crowd that big?"

I just rolled my eyes and got up. "C'mon, it'll be fine. Besides, we both have some shopping to do, don't we?" I teased playfully, flicking Steve's forehead before I headed off to put my dishes in the sink. He followed me and lightly shoved me forwards.

"We do, and I ain't telling you a thing." He laughed, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Go get your coat, I'll meet you by the front."

"Alright." I replied, watching him walk away before I went to get my coat. I didn't think anything of what happened earlier, it was just a distant memory by now. Right now, spending time with Steve was the only thing on my mind.

———

Steve wasn't lying when he said things would be busy. The entire sidewalk just seemed to be crawling with people, you were practically up against another person 24/7. It was fine at first, I just had to worry about possibly losing Steve in the crowd. I felt anxiety bubble up in my chest every time I thought I lost him. It got to the point that I was clinging to his jacket just to stay with him.

Maybe this wasn't such a great idea.

I had zoned out for just a second when someone bumped into me, causing Steve's jacket to slip through my fingers. And just like that, I lost him in the crowd. I frantically looked around, trying to find his mess of blond hair in the sea of browns, reds, grays, and more blonds. "Steve?!" I called out, my heart beginning to pound as minute by minute went by. I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was suffocating.

I pushed my way through the crowd and stumbled into a store, using the wall to hold myself upright. So many people. So many sounds. So many sights. So many smells. It was too much. And on top of all that, I managed to lose Steve. I felt like crying as I sat down in a chair, not caring if people stared at me as they passed by. I was frustrated, scared, and overwhelmed.

How was I going to find Steve in this mess? It was hopeless!

A/N: I hate it when sensory overload happens. There's just too much stuff going on at once and you can't handle it. And now poor Bucky has lost his Steve.

Anyways, what did you guys think the discussion was about? It seemed pretty important...