• If I could turn back time •

14. I Did It

"What you did all those years... it wasn't you. You didn't have a choice."

"I know... but I did it."
———

I was silent as I sat motionless on the couch. I could hear arguing in the next room, Steve and Tony's distinct voices fighting to be louder than the other. Steve had never raised his voice like that before. I picked at my fingernails while I waited, a nervous habit I had since picked up. I waited and waited. The arguing continued. Until I heard a door swing open and saw Tony storming across the room. I didn't watch him leave.

A hand gently settled on my shoulder and I instinctively flinched. I realized it was just Steve and relaxed, glancing at him. His eyes were sad, but he was forcing a smile. He wasn't happy.

He sighed and sat down next to me on the couch, folding his hands in his lap. He stared at the floor for a few moments, running a few fingers through his blond hair. I could see a few strands of brown within his golden locks of hair. I had never noticed that before. I almost wanted to reach out and touch them, run my fingers through the soft strands, but I knew now wasn't the time.

We sat in silence for at least two minutes. We didn't make eye contact, even when he decided to speak. I tried to win his gaze over, but I couldn't. He was insistent on keeping his gaze on the floor. "Buck..." He began, though he trailed off as he tried to find the right words.

"It's bad, isn't it?" I mumbled, rubbing my sweaty palms against my jeans. I was nervous. I wanted to know what Tony said.

Steve nodded, a heavy sigh escaping him. "Tony wants you to stay in the Tower so you can be monitored. We can't go back to my apartment. It was the best option I could get besides letting him lock you away...." He said, finally meeting my gaze after what seemed like an eternity. I swore I saw tears gathering in his stoic blue eyes. "I'm sorry, Buck.... I tried to—"

"It's okay. It's okay, Steve." I cut him off gently, pulling him into a hug and laying my head on his shoulder. "I know I'm not always the best at looking on the bright side, but at least we get to stay together, you know? It could be worse."

He chuckled and returned the loving embrace. "It could be, you're right." His breath was warm on my cheek and I wished I could kiss him, but I wasn't sure if anyone was watching. After a moment or two of silence, he pat my back and nuzzled my cheek. "You're gonna be okay, Buck. I promise. I won't let anyone hurt you."

I smiled and gave him a little peck on the cheek. "I won't let anyone hurt you either. If someone's bothering you, you know who to call." I snickered, playfully punching his shoulder.

"I know." Steve laughed softly, shaking his head. I loved his laugh, I could hear him laugh all day if I had the chance. The way his eyes crinkled up and that big smile of his... it was almost too much. He was beautiful in every way.

———

Tony gave us a room to share since Steve had convinced him that he'd be able to watch me 24/7. He knew I would be more comfortable with him around than anyone else and he knew how to help if things went downhill. The thing is, there was only one bed in the room. Not that I didn't mind sharing a bed with Steve, though. Nowadays, he was the furnace and I was the one that was freezing my ass off most times.

I remembered how after he got the serum, everyone in the Howling Commandos would cuddle up to him for warmth. I was the closest, of course. That was only the beginning of our lovely relationship. It was memories like those that just made my heart swell. I loved remembering things like that. They distracted me from the not so pretty memories.

Tonight was the first night I would spend in the new room with Steve. A part of me missed the apartment, but I knew this was the best it was going to be from now on.

Sharing a bedroom also meant sharing a bathroom. I had to take turns with Steve when it came to taking showers, using the bathroom, and shaving. Though, I really didn't shave that much. Steve said he liked the bit of stubble on my cheeks and chin, so I kept it.

Since I had finished my evening routine, I climbed into bed and got comfortable. Steve was still in the bathroom, so I decided to wait for him. I didn't realize I zoned out until Steve nearly gave me a heart attack by getting into bed next to me.

"You wanna be the little spoon tonight, Buck?" He asked with a grin, knowing that question always bugged me.

I only rolled my eyes. "Y'know, you used to be the little spoon back in the day." I huffed, letting him wrap his arms around me. He pulled me close to his chest and I could feel the warmth just radiating from him. I secretly liked being the little spoon, but I wouldn't admit that out loud.

"Yeah, when I was smaller than you." Steve retorted, bending down to kiss me on the cheek. "You know you like it, you jerk." He chuckled, reaching over to turn off the lamp.

"Punk." I shot back, smiling brightly. I eventually settled in for the night and sighed, closing my eyes. It didn't take me long to fall asleep with Steve by my side.

A/N: I swear, I love these two way too much 😂