it is November 18, 2014. Second day.
This morning it was 38 degrees outside, for me, that was freezing. I got dressed, wearing a Diamond sweatshirt this guy gave me last year for some reason and some skinny jeans. As I walk outside, I felt the air slice my face with its coldness.
I walk into school /hell/ and I look for Carol. She has been my bestfriend for about two years, she adopts all the sad children. Just yesterday, i saw her break. She kept telling me that she didn't want to be touched as she unleashed oceans from her eyes. Mascara running along with eyeliner, her clear water that rained from her eyes turned black. I kept my hand on her lower back, rubbing circles on her back and I attempted to talk to her. Her ocean got deeper and after a while, she allowed herself to come up from the water for a second and fell into my arms, creating both of us to fall inside her small yet enlarging ocean.
After a while of holding her, and talking to her, the raining stopped and she slowly unwrapped herself from my embrace. I proceeded in asking her if she wanted me to call off my date with Alaska this weekend and spend it with her so I could take care of her. She said no. She knows Alaska and I havent seen eachother in two weeks, due to distance so she wanted me to be happy. Plus, Alaska didn't get to see me for my birthday and Carol did. But I did see Carols deep deep drawings on her shoulders so i wanted to make sure she wouldn't do anymore. Drawing and art is one thing she does a lot in Winter, it is easy to hide now.
--- (a year ago) ---
Liam "Carol.. we're bestfriends right?"
Carol "of course we are, Liam."
Liam "so that means we tell eachother everything? especially when we mess up ,yes?"
Carol "yes. we always do."
Hearing Carol say this, I slowly take her away to a place where we could be alone and also where if i cried, i wouldn't have to worry about any embarrassment. Especially since Carol has seen me cry over Angel a thousand times now.
Alone with Carol, I look her in the eyes and tell her I have to show her something.. I made multiple paintings the night before in three differnet places. Stomach, right shoulder and left shoulder. Lifting up my shirt, I first showed her my little doodles on my stomach. With no response, I started panicing but i recommence showing her ,what someone had once referred to them as, my masterpieces. I took my shirt off completely and i first showed her my left shoulder. A light in her eyes went off, it saw that it effected her but I dont know how nor why but i wasn't done. I turned the other direction, showing her the deepest ones ,the ones that took the longest, the ones that made me scream in agony, the ones that will always make my own rivers flow from my eyes. When Carol saw them, I think she broke it. She said i needed professional attention and with that I agreed. But i didnt want it, all i wanted was for my grave to be dugged and waiting for the day I succeed to going to my sweet haven.
Remembering this, i now see how Carol had felt when she saw my canvases ; hers frighten me and the amount that she creates ; terrifies me. Carol and I have been together through thick and thin. Through sharp and soft.
I just hope that me trying for her and being there can take away the sharpness of her brush that she uses to paint her skin with.
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Okay, now this story is somewhat okay in my opinion. I'm not entirely sure although to those have taken the time to read my writing, thank you so much:) I wont update much or like a lot unless I get feedback or something because I'm not entirely sure if anyone even enjoys reading this so why would i continue if y'all weren't intrigued? plus if y'all ( those whom read this ) have any questions or ideas, please share them with me
okay, now have a good day. thank you for reading :) - Marcus
