hello, goodbye. it is january 21, 2015. 11:19pm.
this has gone on way for far too long, if you ask me. Everything from the beginning has changed to the complete opposite of what it was and it is all because of you. i fucking blame you for every damn thing, i thought of you as an angel once. but that was once upon a time. just like once upon a time, you claimed to be in love with me. holy shit, you were so damn good at claiming things and pretending. you were my princess but when will the princess learn that she's no longer worth it all? you were always so full of it yet you claimed you were nothing just so you could get even more affection than you already recieved. from me and so so many others that you toyed with. god, you were such a damn goddess but you were the worst kind. you were the devil and whenever my mama found me on the floor ,snorting shit that shouldn't ever go up my nose and as i shook on the floor, i said "i swore the devil made me this way, i fell in love with her and now this is the only way i can make myself feel again." oh mama, i swore the devil made me do it. she was nothing but a choice i had to chose. her voice was so sweet sounding that it made up for her poisoness lips and her careless ways. she was my worst addiction and holy shit, the only reason the devil is even alive inside of me is because i had awaken her. i called upon her and she asked for permission and i said no at first but then the second time when we were in a heated make out session ,she took it as her chance to claim me. i didnt say no but i also didnt say yes.
she always asked for permission, her angelic voice always asked "may i?" and she would look at me with eyes full of lust but when she didnt ask that one moment, i realized what it was all about.
it was sex. sex and drugs, i guess that's just how rock and roll goes. she was a rocker and i was a geek, she was heartless and i was more in touch with my emotions than any other being that walked this little area of dirt. i think i walked along for so long that the dirtiness of the ground ended up being left on my shoes and went through to my feet, up my body to my mouth and filled my insides with what the earth is. when that happened, i became the ground, the air, the trees and all the plants, i became earth. so how dare you destroy me? how dare you leave marks on my tree trunk, my neck isn't yours to suck on. how dare you try to tear me down? how dare you cut me down like im nothing and turn me into something im not? how fucking dare you take away the beauty that i was born with and grew up with and turn me into something so u g l y. youre way too beautiful to make me hideous. but to be fair, your insides are revolting. they rot with all the disgust and hate that youre built with. i always said that you could be so much more and honestly, i believe you could be and i still do. i put all my hope and faith that i had in you. i know i planted little dandelions in you, somewhere, anywhere, maybe just one. maybe two. i know you had some beauty in you but you hated it so much just like you hated it when i told you no so you plucked them out of you. tore them out of your ribcages and broke me with it all as well. you used to make a gash through your chest so you could take your heart out, so you would never feel, so you could lie so easily, so you could make me fall in love with you then leave me for dead. how can you come back saying you cant watch me fall for another when you left me dead? you grabbed knives and destroyed my garden.cutting the flowers, leaving them to die. even my erbs. golly, i had so many but you just cut them all up into nothing. the nothing being you. and although you are short, you stompped all over my roses and pretty pretty orchads. the orchads i bought you for our third month anniversary when i surprised you at your house. you let them die just like you did i. i guess you never really cared at all.
now, after a bit over six months, youve left me thinking, wondering, asking so so many questions. i wanna ask you who i am but i dont need you and your lies no longer. but who was i? who was i to you? your fuck toy? i guess i was just a fucking misifit boy who ended up being your damn hype man. your "booty" call. fuck you. you touched me in front of your little brother. you turned me on in front of my mother and soon to be step father. you distracted me from every movie we ever attempted to watch. you scared all my friends away and you emptied my wallet. you ruined my fucking life you whore and the worst of all of this, is that it's been weeks now but i dont know if i'll ever fully get over you. you told me you wouldnt be sexually attracted to me if i got top surgery yet you went and fucked a guy , a g u y then came back, saying you missed me. who the fuck do you think you are? alaska. let's stop pretending. let's say your real name, three times and i'll also knock on the wall three times and allow you, the devil to come in and kill me tonight because there's nothing left, you killed me. abbey. abbey. abbey. f u c k y o u.
this is the end. dear princess ; you're dead to me.
